Does size matter?

P

polybi34

New member
My wife and I have recently joined the poly community. She is just starting to date other men, and we are looking for your experiences in order to help us decide some agreements. Okay... here it is. I have a normal size penis. We want to know if she is seeing someone with a bigger penis, will it affect her enjoyment of me? She's decided that if that is the case, she will choose her lovers to be of roughly my size. Can anyone share experiences on this?
 
Really?

I don't mean to sound snotty, but it almost seems like you might be joking. Are you serious?
 
Yes, this is a serious question, thank you for making sure. See, she's been with larger men before, but only monogamously, so she doesn't know what it will be like having sex with two lovers, not at the same time, but within a day or so of each other.
 
Not to get all grade-school about it, but it's not the size of the equipment, but how you use it. Plus fingers. Plus tongue. And everything else. Just from my perspective, but I personally wouldn't see it as a problem IF you and your wife have a satisfying sex life. But that's an important IF.
 
Okay... Well, polyamory is about a lot more than the size of someone's penis. It seems odd that you think of other men simply as a penis, but okay. I guess there is some fear of her finding someone she would rather be with? Is that what is going on with you?

How would you feel if she meets a guy with a tiny penis, but he shares one of her passions (not sexual) that you don't share, and they start spending time together pursuing this mutual passion? If that makes you uncomfortable, then that could be a sign that you're asking the wrong question. Just sayin.' :rolleyes:
 
I don't fear losing her time or attention. I fully trust her love, dedication and passion. I do not know how this medically works, though. I know a woman can accommodate many different sizes, but what I want to know is how long does it take in between lovers for her muscles or whatnot to re-contract fully enough that she is just as satisfied by the smaller one as before she was stretched by the larger one.

While I appreciate everyone's hypothetical responses, I really am hoping to tap into this wide experience base. Surely there is someone out there who has experienced this, and can speak directly to it, from their personal experience.
 
A better place to get responses to this might be a swinger or hotwife forum. Most of the people here tend to focus on emotional and practical issues. Or even better for you might be Betty Dodson's site. Top notch people there for questions just like this.
 
I can answer this question. I've had lovers who I was seeing simultaneously, not literally in the same room at the same time (though that would've been hot), but I would see them within a day or two of each other frequently. There were at least one or two times I was with one the same day as the other. One man easily fit into an average-sized condom. The other absolutely needed an XL-sized condom. I experienced absolutely no change in sensation with Mr. Average after being with Mr. XL. No issues whatsoever.

The vagina is very elastic. After all, women can enjoy being fisted, and then go right back to enjoying PIV sex, for gosh sake's!
 
Now that I'm thinking about it more, I'm just curious as to how choosing her lovers based on size would even work.
Would she ask up front?
Would she only get involved with men who wanted to be sexual right away, so that she could get a peek in their pants before deciding whether to pursue a relationship?
Would she go on enough dates to get to the point where a relationship was forming, and they both wanted to be sexual, because the time seemed right, but then dump the dude if he were "too large"?
 
AnnabelMore said:
Now I'm thinking about it more and I'm just curious as to how choosing her lovers based on size would even work. Would she ask up front? Would she only get involved with men who wanted to be sexual right away so that she could get a peek in their pants before deciding whether to pursue a relationship? Would she go on enough dates to get to the point where a relationship was forming, and they both wanted to be sexual, because the time seemed right, and then dump the dude if he were too large?
Click to expand...

"Excuse me. I am interested in possibly going out on a date with you." *whips out a notepad and pen* "May I ask, exactly, how big is your penis?"
 
Oh, okay, you are worried about your ability to satisfy her after she's been with him, because you're thinking she might actually stretch out so that a smaller penis wouldn't satisfy her any more. I seriously doubt that. You may need to contact Sue Johanson.

I was in a monogamous lesbian relationship for 12 years. We had sex, on average, twice a week. I had an orgasm every time we had sex, whereas that does not necessarily happen with PiV intercourse.

So, from my perspective, as a woman, the orgasm itself has little to do with the size of the penis, or with a penis at all, for that matter. My handheld shower massage in the jacuzzi works fine!

I guess I would ask this-- does she have an orgasm now, every time you have sex, a real one, not faking it? If yes, then I doubt that will change. If no, then you might want to figure out how to change that.
 
It's a strange way to date, and a strange request to ask that a partner's other partner's penis not be bigger. Men seem to be concerned about that kind of thing, at least some men. Some don't care. I can tell you that the ones that don't care have been better lovers (for me). Why? Because they give it all they've got with confidence. Anyone with confidence is far more sexy. I would be more concerned about that, personally.

We had a thread once about a man who was concerned because his female partner's other partner's penis was bigger, and it took days for her to get back to a size where he was pleasured, and so was she. Everyone on that thread was pretty surprised, as that seems to be uncommon. Most people suggested that he wait the days and ask her and the other guy to make sure that time negotiation for sex was really respected, due to him being affected so much.
 
Runic Wolf, Wendigo, and I read this thread together a few hours ago, hence Runic Wolf's above response. I've had sex with men with penises of various sizes, and I have to say that every penis is different. So even with guys with similar length and girth penises to yours, your wife would have different experiences.
 
Same for Sward, Lin and me. :) I have never had the 'same' sex with any of my partners. It was always different because sex tends to be as different as personality traits. I have never concentrated on size. (Ah well, once I did, but that guy was just soooo small and inexperienced that it ended with me having some kind of charity sex. Well, never mind. Getting distracted here.)

Size never really mattered. Experience, confidence and creativity is all good sex is about for me. Speaking in condom sizes, Sward and Lin are different, but I've never felt a difference in sensation when being with them on the same day.

Don't worry about this stuff. Start saving your energy for the arduous relationship work you will have to face in the future. :D
 
I've always thought that many 'modern' men place more value on their penis size than in further developing their skills as lovers. Fascinating since they have no control over something they worry greatly about, and complete control over something they do very little about. Macho male culture plays a big part in that, I suppose. Their lovers end up the biggest losers in that struggle.
 
You mean whip out a tape measure?

The answer is, sure it could. She could think about it every time she was having sex with you, too. Not just the size, but his ability to use it better. That's just nature of the beast, so to speak.

The cool thing is, it cuts both ways. You could find a woman who was better at sex, too.
 
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In our quad, my wife's bf has a penis that is about three inches longer than mine. But both his wife and mine have no problem with mine, which is about seven inches. In fact, his wife prefers my size.

This is a bit weird. lol.

For all you women out there, men do think about the other guy's equipment and stuff. All I can say is, size does matter, but not nearly in the way you are thinking.

I would honestly take this off the table in your discussions about polyamory. If this is your only concern, you are golden. :p
 
I am fond of men of size. It's been my personal experience that sleeping with a partner significantly smaller than my husband can be a problem and bodes ill for the sex life I have with them. It's not a length issue at all, it's a girth issue. I am used to well-above-average girth with my husband.

I had a past partner who was very small, girth-wise, and our sex life was always problematic for me because of this. I simply could not feel him much. I tried not to let him know that this was the case, because it was not something he could help, and I loved him. He figured it out anyway though, and it was a significant part of why we broke up after two years. His feelings of inadequacy took over and made him very, very angry at me, which was expressed with a whole lot of passive-aggressive behavior and dishonesty, egged on by a jealous metamour. Bad scene. If I encountered a partner who was unusually small again, I would likely end the sexual relationship right away, and transition things to friendship, if I could.

Sleeping with a partner who is significantly longer than my husband, though, has never created problems in the sex life I have with him. I tend to enjoy the new partner's size a lot, but I'm still quite happy to be with my husband. too.

I think it depends on the lady. Some ladies don't even like very large men. Some ladies do. I think anatomy has a lot to do with it, although there is definitely a psychological component too, at least for me.

I'd say, if she is enjoying sex with you now, I don't see why that would change.
 
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My husband is longer than my bf, and my bf has a slightly larger girth. The sex is different, and I enjoy both of them equally, even when having sex with both of them in a 24hr period.

Vaginas are generally very elastic.

As long as your sex life is good for both of you now, that shouldn't change. She may find some things he does better, but you will have things you do better, too.

Of course, the difference in sex is a large part of why I have my bf, sexually, anyway, There are things he does emotionally that just wouldn't work for John to do because of mine and John's relationship dynamic.

Let me put that more clearly. I dom John, and Fox doms me, not in a very strict sense, but in general inadequate terms.
 
I agree with the others.

My wife's boyfriend's dick is two inches longer than mine. I don't let that interfere with the relationship Jess and I have. She loves sex with both of us. There are qualities of his she loves, and there are qualities of mine she loves. It's just different, that's all. As long as she loves you, and treats you as a partner, then you'll be fine. Try not to get so hung up on dick size.
 
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