Dating not just humping

C

COSindustry

New member
Okay. I have always just lived poly. I never really found anything online or looked. There is a reason for our recent outing online that may come out one day.

Seriously though, is there such thing as romantic polyamory? It is ridiculous. We have recently joined some websites: alt.com (yes, we are BDSM freaks :p), Polyamory Date and a few smaller ones. They are so sex-based and crazy. We just want some courtship, a date, some romance. Is it too much to ask to find a single girl that wants to be treated like a princess and a whore? :p
 
I'm confused from your post. Are you a couple looking for a single girl to date the two of you? If so, are you expecting her to not date others as well?

Those requirements could be part of your problem. I don't know what you mean about not finding romantic polyamory, because the amory part of the word does stand for love, which generally includes romance.

I think more information needs to be provided in order to actually help you out.
 
Polyamory is about non-monogamous love. Love and romance is an important part of that. Many of the dating/hookup sites that claim to be polyamers-friendly are just a cover for making money.
 
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UtahPolyCouple said:
Polymers is about non-monogamous love. Love and romance is an important part of that. Many of the dating/hookup sites that claim to be polymers friendly are just a cover for making money.
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Actually, "polymers" are long-chain carbon-based molecules with repeating units that are the basic components in plastics and other synthetic materials..
 
UtahPolyCouple said:
Lol I meant polyamory. My phone decided differently.
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Yeah, I thought that's prob'ly what happened, but I couldn't stop myself. It was begging for it.
 
BoringGuy said:
Actually "polymers" are long-chain carbon-based molecules with repeating units that are the basic components in plastics and other synthetic materials..
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*giggle*

Except they don't have to be carbon-based. Silicones use Si and O as the chain links, although I concede that they do contain organic side groups.
 
COSindustry said:
I have always just lived poly. I never really found anything online or looked. There is a reason for our recent outing online that may come out one day.

Seriously though, is there such thing as romantic polyamory? it is ridiculous. We have recently joined some websites: alt.com, Polyamory Date, and a few smaller ones. They are so sex-based and crazy. We just want some courtship, a date, some romance. Is it too much to ask to find a single girl that wants to be treated like a princess and a whore?
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I, too, don't understand what you're really asking. Are you saying "romantic polyamory" is ridiculous? Or that the internet is ridiculous when you attempt to look for it?

And probably... looking for someone to treat like a whore will be an obstacle in finding a romantic princess.
 
SchrodingersCat said:
*giggle*

Except they don't have to be carbon-based. Silicones use Si and O as the chain links, although I concede that they do contain organic side groups.
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Yeah, I thought of that after I wrote it, but I wasn't aiming for thoroughness. I was just trying to be a smartass.
 
"Poly" dating websites and meeting poly people

I, too, have found "poly" dating sites disappointing. They seem to assume polyamorous people are just interested in sex, maybe confusing us with swingers. And they are not as strong on community as good swingers' sites.

Finding people who are open-minded towards polyamory can be a real challenge, I have found, especially in our case, as we haven't come out to everybody. This is the case even sounding out friends and acquaintances to try to work out if they will freak out and distance themselves from us if we come out to them.

Meeting people who might be interested in a relationship is nigh-on impossible. I always think people will think I am going behind my wife's back, or wanting to break up the relationship they have with their partner. The idea of consensual non-monogamy is just so far out of most people's idea of relationships.

And when we have come out to a few friends we trusted, and they were accepting of it (not everyone has been quite as broad-minded as we fondly hoped), we haven't wanted to put such a good friendship at risk by considering them as potential lovers, bringing in complicating things like jealousy and heartbreak. Argh!

We should get into Melbourne to PolyVic meetings, but they always seem to be timed for our children's bedtime. Frustrating.

Ah well.
 
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For some people, their attachment process means that they are capable of romantic feelings in the absence of or before they start a sexual relationship with someone. For others, sex is necessary before they can even begin to assess people for romantic compatibility. You need to find people who are able to feel romantically for others without having sex with them. This does mean that they are more likely to not be very sexually driven though. Sex might not be very important to them at all.
 
I wonder what percentage of the population is poly by choice? I am not talking about harems and the like in some other countries, but those that choose their SOs.

I was just having this conversation the other day. My major problem is that people see poly and immediately confuse it with slut. I have had people tell me, "Prove it, let me be your boyfriend." Obviously that was the end of that.

I am enjoying my NRE right now, but my husband is having problems finding people that want more than a one-night stand. Him living in a big military town doesn't help.

I only physically know one other polyamorous triad that seems to be working things out quite well. Considering the circles I travel in, I want to say we are a VERY small group.

If anyone finds a reliable way, let me know.
 
LadySFI said:
My major problem is that people see poly and immediately confuse it with slut.
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It's important to keep context in mind.

People who are in non-monogamous relationships are prone to be more sex-positive and sexually expressive than their monogamous counterparts. I find it reasonable to presume that most people get into polyamory because they want to have more fulfilling sex lives and romantic lives. People going on this type of journey are more prone to discovering concepts like sex-positivity, kink, ethical slutdom, etc., so it's not unusual to find this kind of personality being associated with poly. Thus it is not unreasonable to lump the group of us together as "sluts."

Add to that the swinging crowd. From an outside perspective, it's not unreasonable for people to confuse them with poly folk. I mean, they're in a relationship, having sex with other folks, everyone seems ok with it. They look poly to someone who doesn't really know what they're looking for.

I found myself technically qualifying as polyamorous, but it never had anything to do with how much sex I could get; it was a philosophical change unrelated to sex drive. But let's be realistic, folks. Probably most people out there practice non-monogamy at least partially because they wanna get LAID! Judging from the madness on this forum, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that coming to poly from a non-sex-drive motivation is not the norm.

LadySFI said:
I have had people tell me, "Prove it, let me be your boyfriend." Obviously that was the end of that.
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That's just a retarded person who demonstrated this to you very clearly. Count yourself lucky. Most people aren't quite that damaged and are harder to spot.
 
Marcus said:
I have had people tell me, "Prove it, let me be your boyfriend."
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That's just a retarded person who demonstrated this to you very clearly. Count yourself lucky, most people aren't quite that damaged and are harder to spot.
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I've had people tell me to "prove" that I do or do not "dye my hair below the waist." :rolleyes: So WHAT? I don't make my issues other people's problem, and I sure as hell don't make THEIR issues MY problem. You want me to "prove" to you I'm non-monogamous? The proof is in the bottom of a big hot cup of "go fuck yourself." It is also written in fine print on my sweet alabaster ass.

That said, I've never had any lack of sex, getting laid, whatever you want to call it, in a relationship or not, monogamous or otherwise. I guess I'm just that fabulous, or maybe it's just easier to fuck me than it is to get rid of me.
 
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