Keeping it "Vanilla"

H

HappyCouple75

New member
So while our couple is working to reconnect, they have asked that we keep it "vanilla" for now. I support this, because I support them being happy and reconnecting.

It's been 3 days and I'm still waiting for the guidelines on "keeping it vanilla" (They work opposite shifts and timing has been rough for them to be together long enough to really talk.

Prior to them acknowledging they needed to reconnect, we talked, texted, shared pictures and more, daily. This period of time has been rough.

So my question would be, how would you define "VANILLA"?
 
I totally agree.

The reason I ask is they have not yet talked about what guidelines they want to set for the VANILLA period, until they've finished reconnecting.
I'm looking for suggestions so I know what would be a good thing and bad thing to know my limits in the meantime.
 
Well... what's your normal level of kink? Can you do without for a while? How long would be too long? It's up to you to define your limits.

Edit: Or do you/they mean mono rather than vanilla?
 
I don't think anyone can answer this for you. The definition of "vanilla" depends on you.

In my context - we use vanilla to be a comparison of "us" versus "them" where "them" are "non-whatever I'm doing" people. We would be considered vanilla by our BDSM friends.
 
Maybe you could just text them, and ask something to the effect, "I am totally supportive of your reconnection process, but just so there are no inadvertent misunderstandings, would you define vanilla?"
 
Good advice,

Just want I needed to hear.

And yes, we are working on defining VANILLA.

But waiting on them to really set the guidelines.​
 
In your poly relationship, do they set the tone/terms and you comply? Or is this supposed to be a collaborative thing? I'm not sure how it works in your r'ship. Would you please clarify that? You don't really seem to need help defining "vanilla." You seem to need help/support enduring the waiting time. You could spend the waiting time articulating and defining your own boundaries, what you personally consider "vanilla," and what your own wants, needs and limits are for yourself, while you wait for each of them to define each of theirs, so you can then assess if you will get your wants/needs met here, and if things line up or not.

Just my thoughts,
GG
 
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GalaGirl said:
In your polyship, do they set the tone/terms and you comply? Or is this supposed to be a collaborative thing? I'm not sure how it works in your polyshipping. Could you please clarify that?

Because you don't really seem to need help defining "vanilla." You seem to need help/support enduring the waiting time...
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We just had a sit-down tonight and talked over things, and now we know what "vanilla" means.

We are patient. We want so much for them to reconnect. We know and hope they will be even stronger after. No matter how much time they NEED, it matters to us they are in love and connecting healthy.

We know now that short-term guidelines have been set and are acceptable.

To be honest, it is me, the male, and his wife that have connected so hard. And it's been tough to pull back. But we as a group, totally understand each other, and the males talk very easily. That makes thing so much better,

Thanks for all your help. Finding this site has given me a place to talk and vent and be happy.
 
HappyCouple75 said:
we - we - we - we
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Reading your posts reminds me of Anthem (Ayn Rand).

It's good to know where your partners stand, but I encourage you to discover where you stand. Unless you are a member of The Borg, you get to have your own opinion.
 
Marcus said:
It's good to know where your partners stand, but I encourage you to discover where you stand. Unless you are a member of The Borg, you get to have your own opinion.
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You will be assimilated! :p
 
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