Frustrated don't know what to do

[msbiman]

GalaGirl, Thank you so much, you have given me several things I need to work on, some things I need to get comfortable with. I do appreciate your help. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.

 

[SchrodingersCat]

It is so nice to talk to someone that understands. I've tried talking to some other bisexuals, and they had not clue.

Unfortunately, that is not surprising. There's no correlation between bisexuality and non-monogamy. That actually came up at our bi group last night, and the facilitator made a point that it's important to explore whether you are monogamous or not, and spent some time justifying why it's ok not to be monogamous. When she was finished, I (as one of the two token polys in the group, the other being my gf) pointed out that it is equally ok to be monogamous. Whatever you are is fine, just make sure you find compatible partners and don't try to convert anyone one way or the other.

Some bisexuals feel the need to have a partner of each gender. Others don't need that, they're just open to either possibility. As I fall into the latter camp, I can't claim to know what you're going through, but I'm pretty good at understanding other points of view so I can accept your claim that you need a man in addition to your wife.

When you start a sentence with "I don't mean to be Harsh", you know good and well that you are going to be harsh.

omg tell me about it. That's as bad as "No offence, but you're a huge douchebag." Yep, sure. No offence taken, buddy... Alright then.

Rather than "I don't mean to be harsh" it's probably more plausible to say "I'm sorry to be harsh." If you suspect something you're going to say is going to be taken one way, don't play dumb and pretend that's not what you mean. Obviously you thought it could be harsh, and you didn't bother to rephrase it to make it not harsh, so at least own it.

 

[SchrodingersCat]

Could you perhaps not understand what we are hearing when you say you want your wife to be open to a triad?

What "some of us" are hearing, you mean. I understood what he meant perfectly well. His first post made it perfectly clear that he'd accepted the fact that his wife was not going to accept a triad. That doesn't mean he can't express disappointment over the matter.

I want a lot of things, doesn't mean I expect them to happen or even that I'm going to go to any lengths, great or small, to make them happen. Right now I would love a chocolate bar, and 7-11 is only a block away. But I'm not going to buy a chocolate bar because I've been eating too much junk food lately. Most grown-ups are capable of these types of decisions, but that doesn't mean I won't think about chocolate at least 3 more times before bed...

 

[msbiman]

Unfortunately, that is not surprising. There's no correlation between bisexuality and non-monogamy.

You are 100% correct, however I don't personally know any other poly's, and was hopeful a bi friend would understand the need to have a relationship with both sexes.

Some bisexuals feel the need to have a partner of each gender. Others don't need that, they're just open to either possibility. As I fall into the latter camp, I can't claim to know what you're going through, but I'm pretty good at understanding other points of view so I can accept your claim that you need a man in addition to your wife.

First see above. Then the fact you tried is all I can ask for, and is appreciated.

When you start a sentence with "I don't mean to be Harsh", you know good and well that you are going to be harsh.

omg tell me about it. That's as bad as "No offence, but you're a huge douchebag." Yep, sure. No offence taken, buddy... Alright then.

Again Thank you for understanding, why it pissed me off.

Rather than "I don't mean to be harsh" it's probably more plausible to say "I'm sorry to be harsh." If you suspect something you're going to say is going to be taken one way, don't play dumb and pretend that's not what you mean. Obviously you thought it could be harsh, and you didn't bother to rephrase it to make it not harsh, so at least own it.

Enough Said

Could you perhaps not understand what we are hearing when you say you want your wife to be open to a triad?

What "some of us" are hearing, you mean. I understood what he meant perfectly well. His first post made it perfectly clear that he'd accepted the fact that his wife was not going to accept a triad. That doesn't mean he can't express disappointment over the matter.

Again, thank you, I thought I had said that in the original post, but was beginning to wonder if maybe I was only clear to myself. And yes I am disappointed, but she will never hear me say it again.

I am working on some of the things suggested in this thread, and have the others in a list to get to as I finish what I'm working on now. All I wanted was to express my disappointment and frustration to someone that would understand, and offer suggestions as to what I could do that would make living with these desires easier. I know I ended up making a lot of people mad, and for that I apologize, but having known poly people in the past, I assumed that even if they did not understand what I was going through they would understand the need for more than one partner and could help me decide what to do next. I did get some good advice after clarifying some things for a couple of people. Maybe I wasn't as clear as I thought, but I saw no reason for someone to "be harsh" about that, instead of just asking what I meant, and/or if I had given up on what I wanted instead of assuming I was trying to find a way to make her do what I wanted. I agreed to monogamy when I entered this relationship, and unless she says differently that is the way it will stay.
SchrodingersCat, thank you again for understanding, both what I said, and what I meant, instead of over analyzing every single word.