New guy, feelings for BF not as intense

C

candyharlot

New member
Hey everyone, my boyfriend and I have been together 10 months, open up until recently when we decided to try poly. I've been into this other guy for a long time but only recently admitted to the feelings, which my boyfriend is urging me to explore. It feels great to be so open about them but...lately with my boyfriend I feel like things have gotten suddenly stale. I am completely in love with him and I want a life with him but I am not feeling the same zing that I did before I started accepting my feelings for the new guy. I am wondering if this is just going to get worse or if once the NRE wears off things will go back to normal.

Sorry if this is confusing, I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience. Thanks!
 
candyharlot said:
Hey everyone, my boyfriend and I have been together 10 months, open up until recently when we decided to try poly. I've been into this other guy for a long time but only recently admitted to the feelings, which my boyfriend is urging me to explore. It feels great to be so open about them but...lately with my boyfriend I feel like things have gotten suddenly stale. I am completely in love with him and I want a life with him but I am not feeling the same zing that I did before I started accepting my feelings for the new guy. I am wondering if this is just going to get worse or if once the NRE wears off things will go back to normal.

Sorry if this is confusing, I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience. Thanks!
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NRE is pretty amazing, but for some people it can be all consuming. Who knows, you might be one of those who get all of reality drowned out by your new surge of puppy love.

Either way, there is no way to know how it might impact your feelings for your long(er) term boyfriend. I know that people like to make guarantees about "No baby, this new relationship won't change how I feel about you" and that's a nice thing to say as long as we turn out to be correct. Relationships end for all kinds of reasons and at all stages of longevity. Monogamous relationships get tanked within a week, a few months, a couple of years, a few decades, for things that have nothing to do with having a new lover.

Maybe this less intense association is where your association with your longer term partner needs to be. Who knows, perhaps you'll find some kind of really nice rhythm and that will be how you interact for a while. Once the NRE wears off a bit some of the intensity might very well return.
 
The other thing to think about here is that at 10 months, you may be at a spot where the NRE with your boyfriend is starting to naturally wane - it's different timeframes for different people, but somewhere in the 6-12 month phase is not unusual. So the combination of that waning PLUS a new relationship could very well interact in ways that lead to a feeling of "less zing".
 
I think our romantic feelings tend to follow mysterious cycles; for a while you may have less of those feelings but who knows, maybe then for awhile you'll have more. The most important thing is that you love your boyfriend as a person and care about his feelings. Focus on that part of your relationship with him and just see what happens. I'm sure NRE for the other guy is having an affect on things. You're aware of that which is excellent.
 
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