Greetings from Philadelphia

[polyamoryinmotion]

Hi everyone,

My wife E. of many years renegotiated and rethought our monogamous marriage starting about 8 years ago. We did so in response to her realization that she deeply identified with women emotionally and sexually and was struggling to find something other than the binary choice of either getting a divorce (which neither she nor I wanted) or denying her orientation and not feeling whole (which, also, neither she nor I wanted.) We were introduced to the notion of open relationships and polyamory by a friend of hers and ever so carefully found our way to where we are now. Now, being she has had a girlfriend, C, (who is also married) for going on two years and I have had one other relationship for several months last year. We're well past the awkward part of her relationship with C and are integrated into each others lives in ways such as having (and cooking) dinner together, going to movies, etc. (High point - C. and I were cooking dinner for ourselves and E who, when E walked in the door from work, both C and I greeted her with a "Hi honey!" E beamed)

Getting to this point was complicated and we made some near catastrophic mistakes, but everything is in a good, warm place. Lots more to the story of moving from a long term successful monogamous to a successful polyamorous relationship, but I think I'll leave that go for the time being.

If anyone is in the mid-Atlantic region, you might want to check out the East Coast Poly Living conference presented by Loving More is being held in Philadelphia on Feb 20-22.

Feel free to ask me questions if you have any or just say hello.

David

 

[Leander]

Hi David. Your set up sounds lovely. Will be interested in reading anything you write about those near catastrophic mistakes. I hope to avoid any of those if I can.

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings David,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Glad you got past some of that early peril and are now enjoying a satisfying poly life. There's a Life stories and blogs board if you ever want to tell your story in detail.

With the experience you have, people will probably want to turn to you for advice. That's a good thing! Have a look around our various threads and boards and see what calls to you.

Glad to have you with us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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Welcome aboard!

 

[polyamoryinmotion]

re: near catastrophic mistakes

Hi David. Your set up sounds lovely. Will be interested in reading anything you write about those near catastrophic mistakes. I hope to avoid any of those if I can.

Hi Leander,

The most notable near disaster was my spouse, in the throes of NRE in overdrive, becoming involved with someone who 1) purported to be poly and 2) did not understand that we were committed to our marriage and relationship. Lessons learned for us were to be cautious and go slowly with someone who has little or no familiarity with polyamory and to be very communicative and clear about the importance of our marriage.

We are, certainly, "primary" to each other, but we quite deliberately and consciously, endeavor to include and integrate the other partner into our lives. This has been especially true in the case of a long term relationship, such as my wife has with E. While we haven't explicitly told many people about our relationship (although our kids do know and are generally accepting), we don't explicitly avoid mentioning C and the things my wife does with her, such as going on trips and some overnights, etc. It's actually pretty amazing how, whether or not people have an inkling of what's going on, everyone just kind of accepts it.

David

 

[kdt26417]

Re:

"It's actually pretty amazing how, whether or not people have an inkling of what's going on, everyone just kind of accepts it."

That's cool.

 

[Leander]

I guess if there are any potential problems ahead, NRE can be like flooring the accelerator while drunk!

 

[polyamoryinmotion]

I guess if there are any potential problems ahead, NRE can be like flooring the accelerator while drunk!

I've likened the experience to being a spectator, helplessly watching an impending car crash in slow motion with no way of doing anything to prevent it from happening. If the other person had truly been poly, it would have elicited an entirely different, and much more pleasant and happier metaphor.