we're new here and asking for your insite

Alright, that makes sense.
 
Sorry to hear that, man. I can understand if you have mixed feelings about sharing with the group at this time. I am available via PM if that would help.

Is it an "S-related" problem?
 
Uh not so at all. There is nothing that I've done. Its quite complicatedly simple. There are many complications and I am simply guilty by association. I'm not comfortable with going into it any further at this time. Other than to say that I very much still want to be friends first and foremost and have expressed that to S.
 
I'm guessing she doesn't want to fuck you, but is okay with having a sex with your wife. Basically, refusing your package deal. Oh well, you wouldn't be the first to have that happen to you - more like the 10,000th. Frankly, I think it is rather disingenuous of you to say that first and foremost you want friendship, when you are actually just waiting to get the go-ahead to pounce on her.
 
You couldn't be further off base.
Any thoughts of sexual intimacy has been left behind.

Sounds to me like you have some serious issues yourself and you are hiding in the poly community instead of facing your true problems. Maybe you should dig a little deeper into your own problems before you try using transference on others.

I've been trying to share a special relationship with two women that I can deeply for and I'm totally committed to them both. I'm guessing you have commitment issues of your own, especially since you have to spell it out in your handle nycINDIE.

Got any more for me before I tell you to go fuck yourself?
 
I'm not a unicorn hunter, so there is no "transference" going on. But I am a moderator and you should know that telling me, or anyone here, to go fuck ourselves would earn you an infraction.

I did say I was guessing, based on all your previous posts moaning about your triad not getting off the ground - and your statement that the problem is about you having a penis. I am not the only one who guessed what I did - there've been a few PMs flying around behind the scenes from other people guessing the same thing just after I posted. If you don't want people to guess, don't be so cryptic and unclear. Why post at all if you have nothing to say? If you don't want feedback or to be challenged, start a thread in our Blogs forum.

And the "indie" in my name refers to independent film.
 
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Frankly I don't care if you are a moderator or not. Your "guessing" is the same as "with all due respect" or "bless his heart."

You've obviously got issues with someone potentially transitioning a relationship into anything that you can not approve of. I don't know who hurt you or how and what your problem is but I've got an idea what problems S has and why it's having such an effect on her interactions with me and us.

I'm not going to go into it any further an once again I don't give a rats ass who or what you are at this point. Besides feeling abused IRL I'm sick of feeling tjis way here. I'm sure you aren't the only miderator here and I wish that one if them would put you in your place.

I tried to make clear in my handle that "we weren't hunting" because after lurking for a bit I knw it would come up. Why do you find it so hard to believe that three people could meet up and find themselves in a loving and caring situation? Why can't you accept that maybe it's not me? Why can't you accept that your attacks on people are counter productive to this poly thing that ....

Ya know what I'm done with you.

Someone else please put nycINDIE in her place.
 
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Well as I said I am available for PM conversation if that helps.

I am assuming S has some kind of trust issues with respect to men?
 
Thank you Kevin, you've been the most kind and helpful one here.

Oh wait...

*rapidly ringing bell*
And the prize goes to the one with the penis!!!

Was that katty?
 
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WeWerentHunting said:
Got any more for me before I tell you to go fuck yourself?
Click to expand...

It is you who are out of line. From the forum guidelines:

Ad hominem arguments--attacks on the person--are prohibited. We don't care whether the ad hominem is a direct attack--such as calling somebody a jerk or telling them they're an asshole--or an indirect attack--such as making references to people who have disagreed with you in a thread as jerks without naming them. Passive-aggressive snark is just as dysfunctional as direct attacks are.

Also: Should you ever wonder if somebody’s trying to insult you or demean you or otherwise deliberately hurt your feelings, we’d like you to ask for clarification. Indeed, if you’re feeling put out by another member, instead of making a mess on the boards, take it to private messaging and ask what’s going on. We imagine a majority of perceived personal slights could be laid to rest through simply asking what’s going on in a PM.

I am not a moderator, but since you've directly violated the forum guidelines for the second time (and possibly a third and or fourth, depending on how they look at the asking in a PM instead of saying it on the forums and the latest comment of "the one who has a penis," since it could potentially be a violation of the ad hominem, as well guideline, as well), I'm going to go out on a limb and say another mod isn't likely to "put NYCIndie in her place."

If you want a reasonable discussion from the community, it might be useful to read these guidelines.
 
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NYC's suggestion to start a thread in the Blogs section is a really good one, WWH. The guidelines of the Blogs section is a bit different than the rest of the forum - you get to share your thoughts and you can *invite* comment if you like, but it's generally not open to debate and discussion like the other discussion sections here. It's a nice place to work through things if you're afraid you're either going to get jumped on or even if your thoughts aren't well formed yet. I tend to use my own blog thread to work through my own issues and insecurities, even when I know I'm probably being oversensitive or not really going about things in the best way.

If I want to invite comment, I post in the other sections.

You'll *get* comments on the blog threads from time to time (and Kevin's certainly frequenting those as well ;) ), but you can ask for posts to be removed from your thread if you like, and it can generally be your "safe place" here to vent or work through what you like.

I second her recommendation.
 
WeWerentHunting said:
You've obviously got issues with someone potentially transitioning a relationship into anything that you can not approve of.
Click to expand...

Nah, I really don't give a shit what you do and I don't have issues abut other people's relationships. You're just an anonymous stranger on the internet and not that important to me. Don't even know why you're so bothered by what I wrote. Why care what anyone else thinks? Whatever anyone posts here, you can take it or leave it. I was just adding my view to a discussion, because zapping spam was getting a little boring and adding one's views is what threads on a forum are for. In fact, this thread has gotten even more boring than zapping spam, so I probably won't bother to read it anymore. If you keep posting, just don't expect to be patted on the head when people want to point out stuff they see which you might not like. Good luck with your penis and everything.

And by the way, the correct spelling is "insight."
 
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I should note that I don't keep up on the blog board as much as I do other boards, so if you start a blog and would like me to follow it and/or offer my input, let me know (either in this thread or by PM). If you can include the web addy of your new blog that will help, although I can probably find it as long as I'm made aware of it.
 
Wow you seem to be experiencing a very tough time. The new relationship you describe sounds incredibly stressful and difficult to deal with.

For all of that, it seems strange that you turn up here looking for help, advice, support, a combination of these things? Then become confrontational when you don't hear what you want - blaming others for not understanding, not seeing things your way.

It seems an odd stance to take unless having fights with anonymous strangers on-line is a form of stress relief for you. I know that when I'm experiencing extreme stress, an argument can be a great way to relieve it - I tend to choose to do that with random strangers who look down on parts of my life - there are plenty to choose from if you are an unmarried, childless woman who works as a computer programmer and believes that dogs have a similar emotional capability to that of humans. :D To many people, my life seems strange, small, misguided and sad and sometimes people who don't know me say that to me. Then I feel completely free to explain to them the error of their ways. Fantastic stress relief. :D

I get the argument as stress relief thing. Better to do it with strangers on the internet than to take it out on those closest to you.

I just wonder if here is a good place for that? It seems to me that the community of poly folks here could well be a good source of help and support to you. Poly isn't all that well known or thought of in wider society and having a group to turn to for help and support in hard times or to share the good times with would seem to me to be a good thing for you to have in your life.

I experience the group who write here regularly as very compassionate and caring as a whole. Also, on the whole, this group is good at managing disagreements and discussing differing view points without falling out. I don't agree with everybody who writes here but that's fine.

I've never felt victimised by anybody here and I'm not even interested in pursuing poly as a relationship style.

A big part of what I got from reading and writing here is that poly is not for me at the moment. I came here after starting a relationship with a man who has had several poly relationships and who spoke about it in very positive terms. I was interested in it and thinking it might be a good idea for me and for our relationship.

After a long time of reading and thinking I concluded that it is not for me. My partner and I are mono and will be for the foreseeable future. He is, of course, free to be poly with my blessing any time he wants to be. If he felt it was right for him again, I am committed to doing the work to shift our relationship to one of friendship so that he can be free to seek poly partners. So far, he says he doesn't want to do that.

I've written here about my thoughts numerous times and - obviously - people here don't tend to agree. Of course not, this is a poly board. The people here tend to feel that poly is good for them or if not for them, that it is something they are okay with a partner being even if they are mono.

My view is completely at odds with most of the folk writing here. Yet I've never felt any of the hostility you say you feel.

I suspect that the hostility you feel is a product of the stress you are under rather than to do with anybody on this board.

I hope that your life becomes more peaceful soon and that you are able to find a more productive way of dealing with your stress. It seems to me that you need the people on this board far more than I do and that it would therefore be a good idea to stop alienating so many of them.

IP
 
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