ReaderofThreads
New member
Well let me first state I am mono, not poly. But I am very open-minded. My wife on the other hand has recently discovered that she may be poly. I say may because she has just started this journey and who knows what may happen, you know?
How it started is a very long story, but the bare bones fact is she met some knew friends and had phone sex with another woman. I had to confront her about it because I could tell something was going on. She would try to lie and hide it, which is funny because she would tell me all about open and honest communication being important in relationships. But I guess she was scared, or maybe ashamed.
I forgave her for going behind my back and rather than get mad and be mean I chose to understand why she did this, even going so far as to talking with the woman, who I found to be extremely nice and helpful. This woman helped me to understand about love for many and not one. It was a bit difficult to wrap my head around but I was open to learning.
Fast forward a bit and my wife decides to back off from anything more so we could work on our relationship since we have had many difficulties. While doing this I also began researching polyamory to get a better understanding of it and get a better understanding of her.
Unfortunately, she did not hold true and started another relationship with someone else who lives in another state. She promised to not do anything but once again ended up breaking her word. Needless to say it caused all manner of stress and problems.
Fast forward a bit more and I now have a new person in my life. There is a lot to this story and if you ask I will go into it, but for now I was wanting guidance. Like I said, I have studied and learned. https://www.morethantwo.com is an extremely valuable tool and I encourage everyone to read it because it has good stuff for individuals as well as any type of relationship. There are other sites and whatnot but that one is my favorite.
Back on topic. I know my fears and insecurities and I am looking for helpful guidance. There is only so much you can learn from somethings and what better way to gain knowledge and understanding and fight ignorance than to go out and educate yourself?
My wife has recently just left the state to see the new guy in our lives and I find myself imagining all kinds of things that are causing me much discomfort. Fears of neglect, abandonment, and comparison are there in front of me. She reassures me but since this is the first actual physical encounter for them no one knows truly how it will go. So I am scared. But I want her to be happy and get what she feels she needs. I hate the idea but at the same time try to encourage and be open. I am conflicted but trying to do what is best for her and us.
Sorry for the long story, trust me it is A LOT longer. I will get to it the crux of the matter. How did you find it best to deal with these insecurities the first time around? Or what are some things you have learned to help you through your partner's NRE? I want to be okay and loving for my wife, because I am sure this is no small thing for her. She is super nervous and her mind all over the place like mine. It didn't help that I kept surprising her by being understanding and actively learning about this stuff rather than yell and get mad.
Thank you for your patience if you read this. If it was too long for some, then I apologize for not keeping your attention. Open and honest feedback will be most appreciated. And I am willing to answer most questions, but beware, my answers may be lengthy.
How it started is a very long story, but the bare bones fact is she met some knew friends and had phone sex with another woman. I had to confront her about it because I could tell something was going on. She would try to lie and hide it, which is funny because she would tell me all about open and honest communication being important in relationships. But I guess she was scared, or maybe ashamed.
I forgave her for going behind my back and rather than get mad and be mean I chose to understand why she did this, even going so far as to talking with the woman, who I found to be extremely nice and helpful. This woman helped me to understand about love for many and not one. It was a bit difficult to wrap my head around but I was open to learning.
Fast forward a bit and my wife decides to back off from anything more so we could work on our relationship since we have had many difficulties. While doing this I also began researching polyamory to get a better understanding of it and get a better understanding of her.
Unfortunately, she did not hold true and started another relationship with someone else who lives in another state. She promised to not do anything but once again ended up breaking her word. Needless to say it caused all manner of stress and problems.
Fast forward a bit more and I now have a new person in my life. There is a lot to this story and if you ask I will go into it, but for now I was wanting guidance. Like I said, I have studied and learned. https://www.morethantwo.com is an extremely valuable tool and I encourage everyone to read it because it has good stuff for individuals as well as any type of relationship. There are other sites and whatnot but that one is my favorite.
Back on topic. I know my fears and insecurities and I am looking for helpful guidance. There is only so much you can learn from somethings and what better way to gain knowledge and understanding and fight ignorance than to go out and educate yourself?
My wife has recently just left the state to see the new guy in our lives and I find myself imagining all kinds of things that are causing me much discomfort. Fears of neglect, abandonment, and comparison are there in front of me. She reassures me but since this is the first actual physical encounter for them no one knows truly how it will go. So I am scared. But I want her to be happy and get what she feels she needs. I hate the idea but at the same time try to encourage and be open. I am conflicted but trying to do what is best for her and us.
Sorry for the long story, trust me it is A LOT longer. I will get to it the crux of the matter. How did you find it best to deal with these insecurities the first time around? Or what are some things you have learned to help you through your partner's NRE? I want to be okay and loving for my wife, because I am sure this is no small thing for her. She is super nervous and her mind all over the place like mine. It didn't help that I kept surprising her by being understanding and actively learning about this stuff rather than yell and get mad.
Thank you for your patience if you read this. If it was too long for some, then I apologize for not keeping your attention. Open and honest feedback will be most appreciated. And I am willing to answer most questions, but beware, my answers may be lengthy.
