Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

So DarkKnight had a late practice tonight and got home close to 11 pm. He told me then that he had accepted an offered role in an upcoming production at the local playhouse - he's going to be a fireman in "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever." He was excited and happy and I am sure he could tell I was anything but that. I told him I was glad about his great audition, but that I was not enthusiastic about him being gone a lot again. I don't want him to quit doing something he loves, but I have been feeling very separated from him with all the performances and rehearsals for Caberet, and this show will be starting shortly after Caberet ends in November.

That said, I really don't know when I could give him more time if he had it available. I came home tonight from WarMan's house and PunkRock said he was missing me terribly and feeling disconnected again. He said he keeps hoping these feelings will pass with time, as he gets used to the new schedule and not seeing me as often. He said it doesn't take long for him to reconnect once he sees me, but me being away and not in his bed leaves him lonely more often now than he'd really like.

We had some discussion about scheduling. I don't mind changing it up, if the guys want to try something different. Right now I give Saturday nights to WarMan and then try and stick to a schedule of PR-DK-WM-PR-DK-WM but it isn't ever possible. Especially with DarkKnight's shows and rehearsals breaking things up, but also PunkRock's work schedule changes each week. Consistency is difficult. WarMan was looking at the schedule earlier today and remarked that by keeping Saturdays just for him, he can see that he is effectively locking himself out of ever getting 3 overnights, because I don't want any guy to have two nights in a row if I can help it. So that is true.

PunkRock and I talked about possibly giving each guy a specific two nights a week, and then the last night be a 3-way date night where we all get together for a board game or an event. They can rotate each week as to who gets that overnight - schedules might effect that. I brought it up to both WarMan and DarkKnight and they both seemed open to try it. I don't know if it will work with PunkRock's shifting work schedule, but I am on board for trying. I do plan to start going to trivia with my friends Wednesday nights, beginning next week, so that is going to lock DarkKnight from that day of the week. He doesn't want overnights unless I can go to bed with him at 9 pm or so. He is an early to bed sort of person! And then, I dunno if WarMan would be interested in driving out that late (10:30 pm or so) to pick me up for a sleepover when he has to work on Thursday. And I dunno about always making Wednesdays be for PunkRock, because that sucks for him if he loses an evening with me because I am out with friends. Also, PunkRock asked if we do this, that I try to give him at least one of the nights after I am with WarMan, because he really needs that face time then.

Scheduling is a bitch.

The good news is that everyone is on board to keep trying to work it out. PunkRock also suggested maybe going back to splitting the date night and sleepover time again, as that could possibly help everyone get more face time with me. Which is why I liked that better and had been doing it that way all this time. Sigh. I am going to think on it more before making any changes. I feel like there is a solution there, if we can figure it out. I don't have much choice - I love these guys so very much!

I am still emotional as fuck too, because of my daughter being gone. I miss her an awful lot. Plus all the work with SuperBetter - it's like I go from one extreme to the next. I swear I am not bipolar but I am beginning to feel like I am way way up and then sad and anxious other times. It's a crappy way to be. I am optimistic this is all just temporary as we go through adjustments though. My happiness is pretty amazing when I am with each of my guys - but it hurts to have any of them feeling sad for not seeing me. Having the SuperBetter stuff going on right now is a complication I didn't really need.
 
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Bluebird said:
PunkRock and I talked about possibly giving each guy a specific two nights a week, and then the last night be a 3-way date night where we all get together for a board game or an event. They can rotate each week as to who gets that overnight - schedules might effect that. I brought it up to both WarMan and DarkKnight and they both seemed open to try it.
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That sounds good and sensible. Or the 7th day can be a Wild Card day for one or two of your guys, if it can't be all three.

Bluebird said:
. . . I dunno if WarMan would be interested in driving out that late (10:30 pm or so) to pick me up for a sleepover when he has to work on Thursday.
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He's only 20 minutes away, hon! Didn't he say he wished you would call him on one of the nights when you would leave DK's bed? It takes me at least 20 minutes to get across town, that is nothing. I think this might be another element to perhaps look at on your SuperBetter app - that you are worth the effort it would take to get together with you. In this instance, a hop into a car to drive 20 minutes is quite a minimal effort, it seems to me, and I am 100% sure that doing so would make WarMan really happy -- knowing the reward is getting to see YOU!
 
nycindie said:
That sounds good and sensible. Or the 7th day can be a Wild Card day for one or two of your guys, if it can't be all three.


He's only 20 minutes away, hon! Didn't he say he wished you would call him on one of the nights when you would leave DK's bed? It takes me at least 20 minutes to get across town, that is nothing. I think this might be another element to perhaps look at on your SuperBetter app - that you are worth the effort it would take to get together with you. In this instance, a hop into a car to drive 20 minutes is quite a minimal effort, it seems to me, and I am 100% sure that doing so would make WarMan really happy -- knowing the reward is getting to see YOU!
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NYCindie is absolutely right. I mean, of course, I'd prefer to pick you up at 5 and have you all night, but I would absolutely not mind coming to get you later in the evening, especially if it meant that you got to spend time with your trivia friends, a thing I know you've been missing, AND you got to spend time with Darkknight, a person you've been missing, AND Punkrock was happier. If I can make your life less stressful, and help you make everyone, but especially you happier then I'm all in. I love you, and as much as I love time with you, I'd much rather have time with you when you're happy and calm. Don't get me wrong, time with you is important to me, but if we end up short we'll steal time here and there, I'll come down for 10 minutes of kiss and cuddles on my lunch break, or you can come over during the day sometime, or if something falls through, I'm your guy, whatever, we'll work it out.
 
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I'm sorry, Bluebird. That does sound stressful! I agree with NYC and WarMan that 20 minutes is not that big of a deal... I know it might feel like it when you're driving round trip for the date, but in the grand scheme of things, it really isn't.

On the date night things, maybe you could split it up? If every guy gets two date nights/week, maybe one of those is a date night with an overnight and the other is a date night for one guy, overnight for another. That way there's less time between seeing each other but you also still get one long date night/over night with each guy each week? Every guy would get two date nights and two overnights but it would be a total of three things/guy/week (date night, overnight, and date/overnight). That would also fix the Wednesday night problem because it could just be the short overnight for one of the guys?
 
PinkPig said:
I'm sorry, Bluebird. That does sound stressful! I agree with NYC and WarMan that 20 minutes is not that big of a deal... I know it might feel like it when you're driving round trip for the date, but in the grand scheme of things, it really isn't.
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I think her point isn't so much that the drive would kill me, but rather that we'd get back to my house post 11PM, and I have work the next morning. Not exactly much time for a quality date night, and while she might be in my apartment the next day, I'll be working, it's not exactly quality time.

That being said, if it makes her and her boy's life less stressful it would be totally worth it. For a while now I've been really worried about the effects my presence has been having in Bluebird's life.
 
I guess I see that WarMan doesn't live THAT terribly far away, but it does feel sort of weird that someone would drive that just to cuddle with me at night. Maybe it is a SuperBetter addition. :)

PinkPig, I love the idea of splititng things like that. I am going to sit down with my calendar and see what I can come up with.

I am positive we can make it work. It's just a matter of figuring things out.
 
Bluebird said:
I don't want him to quit doing something he loves, but I have been feeling very separated from him with all the performances and rehearsals for Caberet, and this show will be starting shortly after Caberet ends in November.

That said, I really don't know when I could give him more time if he had it available. I came home tonight from WarMan's house and PunkRock said he was missing me terribly and feeling disconnected again. He said he keeps hoping these feelings will pass with time, as he gets used to the new schedule and not seeing me as often. He said it doesn't take long for him to reconnect once he sees me, but me being away and not in his bed leaves him lonely more often now than he'd really like.
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I was thinking about this earlier, and curious. Does DK simply not have the time to spend date night/overnights with you right now? And is that freeing you to spend more time with PK and WM? If so, it seems like there'd be a little bit of risk in creating the impression that there will always be 'this much' time to spend together. Especially if DK eventually does slow down and return to his old routine. Not that any type of poly relationship is ever equally time divided, especially with partners who live together spending time with those who don't.

Also, I was wondering if there's an occasional day in there for BlueBird to spend doing whatever she wants to do, and no date/overnight planned? :)
 
You know, Bluebird, I just want to tell you that I think you are managing your full and busy poly life extremely well. It seems only natural and logical that there will be hiccups, bumps in the road, and a misunderstanding here and there, when there is a new person to get to know and the dynamic of your home life changes. An occasional meltdown or difficult conversation is understandable. I think you are great at balancing what everyone wants while also figuring out what you need, and I am certain things will fall into place in a way that satisfies all of you.

I love reading your blog not only because I care about you and your guys, but also to see how you do it. Even though I fly solo in my poly adventure, like to keep my relationships separate, and don't see myself cohabiting with anyone anytime soon, my fantasy is to have four regular guys in my life (I know that sounds like a ridiculous number, but hey, it's a fantasy! And each would be at different frequencies and levels of involvement). So, I kind of live a little bit vicariously through you - and I think you are doing great!
 
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I cannot tell you how many times I have driven the 30 minute drive to Murf's house at 11:30 pm just so I could get some quality snuggle/sleep time with Murf. Even if it was only to walk into his house and crawl in bed with him only to get up in the morning and head into work. It was worth it every time.
 
Well, I made up a tentative schedule and so far WarMan and DarkKnight approve of it. PunkRock is playing WarMachine in our basement with a mutual friend tonight, so he hasn't had time to look at it. Even if we end up scrapping it, I will share, since people are interested in the process. :)

Saturday date night - WarMan
Saturday sleepover - WarMan

Sunday date night - DarkKnight
Sunday sleepover - PunkRock

Monday date night - WarMan
Monday sleepover - DarkKnight

Tuesday date night - PunkRock
Tuesday sleepover - Punk Rock

Wednesday Trivia
Wednesday sleepover - WarMan

Thursday Game Night - all 3 guys
Thursday Sleepover - PunkRock

Friday Date Night - DarkKnight
Friday sleepover - DarkKnight

Right now DarkKnight has been missing sleepovers and date nights due to his schedule but everyone knows this is not a permanent thing. With this schedule, he will be missing his date night on Fridays, since he has a performance then, so one of the other guys can pick it up as a bonus, or I can use it to hang out with friends.

I don't ever want a night without someone sleeping over. I freak out because I am afraid of aliens.

The other thing is - this will be fluid too, based on everyone else. I think it is more like an outline. We will re-evaluate as it goes. First though, PunkRock has to pick it apart, as everyone else has. :)

I like the fact that I have a night with all 3 so we can play Zombicide or Arkham Horror or watch a movie or something together. I did leave space to go play trivia with my friends, which they switched back to Wednesdays when I told them I couldn't ever do Tuesdays.
 
Your schedule looks great, Bluebird. And since you'll have at least a few minutes with your guys each morning after an overnight, it looks like you'll see all of them almost every day :) Ditto what NYC said about enjoying seeing how you balance things. My ideal is two. That's all I think I can handle but Blue's ideal is three women so your scheduling issues have been helpful for preparation in the eventuality it pans out for him. I also like how you have a game night for all three of you and a bluebird night :)
 
Since I am a stay at home mom, I actually can spend a good deal of time with my guys during the day, too. Most overnights with WarMan result in me just staying there at his house until he gets off of work, because I can hang out and chat with him since he works from home. I spend some days in DarkKnight's home office as well. PunkRock has a changing schedule, but he gets days off during the week, so sometimes we can steal a day to be lazy together, or run errands together. Also, like today, he sometimes works til 2:30 pm, so that gives us bonus time if either of us don't have other plans.

Of course I have all sorts of things going on during the day myself, but realize that I utilize that availability to see my friends or snuggle up with one of my guys as well. :)

PunkRock says he is ok with the schedule, so we are going to give it a try, beginning Saturday. Though, Saturday isn't any different than what we did previously. Actually this weekend, PunkRock is running a painting class from our game room for WarMan, Monkey and Monkey's husband. They paint miniatures too, and PunkRock is well versed in teaching this skill. He has encouraged me to sit in and try to learn too, but I am hopeless. I guess I will try.

Last night I was able to reconnect with DarkKnight. We sat and chatted at Starbucks and then went home and watched Ex Machina on vudu. Good sexy times followed, and oh, how I had I missed him!
 
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Bluebird,

I love reading your journal. You amaze me with how much you fit into a day and how much effort you put into all of your relationships, including your relationships with your daughter, your students, and yourself. I think in life that it's easy to get so caught up in romantic relationships that we let those other relationships slide, especially the one with ourselves. You seem to get it ALL done. Amazeballs! I love it. And somehow you find time to blog! (I must confess that I'm always sad when a day goes by and you haven't updated your blog.)

It's good to watch how you manage the complexities of life with all those moving pieces, personalities, and emotions. Last night was the last night I could have slept in my own bed at my house (which I didn't do). After tonight my bed will be gone and my home will officially be with Bond and Golden. My life isn't quite as complex as yours, but it's complex enough with two men that have five kids ages 9 to 14 between the two of them - not to mention my three grown kids and 9 year old grandson, plus four metamours.

The boards usually do not have threads that help me, as the majority are of the S.O.S. nature. I find it more useful to read how people are living their poly lives day-to-day, so thank you for sharing your experiences with us.

Petunia
 
Oh hell, shit slides around here all the time. lol I am not quite so perfect and I am totally ordinary and boring. Ask WarMan, DarkKnight or PunkRock about what a mess my house is, most days! That said, I hung up all my clean laundry today, cleared out my closet so I could actually utilize the "walk in" aspect of it AND I scrubbed my master bath toilet. Do you know how nasty that thing was, with 3 guys using it? (I poop flowers, so of course it wasn't my fault.) Blech.

Things I am procrastinating on - cleaning every single other thing in the house, painting my toenails, grading quizzes, paying attention to my two best friends even though they have ongoing drama which needs my input, and clipping back the bushes in my front yard so they don't look so terrible that the neighbors start complaining.

I am very happy people find my journal interesting and somewhat helpful though. :)
 
Bluebird, I'm still admiring you. You prioritize people above other things and that's admirable. I have a tendency to focus too strongly on household matters and not enough on the people and that's not how one should live life. Sometimes I find that I have my head down into one task after another and I'm not connecting with the people right in front of me. I need reminders to look up and see them.

This video is about how engrossed we get in our cell phones, but it's applicable to anything that distracts us from interacting with those around us. I have this pop up once a month on my calendar to remind me to pay attention to my life: http://youtu.be/Z7dLU6fk9QY

Keep being you! :)
 
Ugh. I am so sick! For no reason at all, a switch was thrown yesterday afternoon and my nose started dripping and I have been tired and whiny since.

This is the worst ever. I hate being ill and all I want to do is cry because it sucks feeling terrible. WarMan prepaid for us to go see The Martian tonight too, so I am going to drag myself out to that. To be honest though, since I am not coughing or anything, I should be able to manage curling up in the recliner, since we have VIP seats. Still, I had to cancel the picnic he wanted to have today. He brought me some of the autumn squash soup from Panera that I love, for lunch, along with some Kleenex and Sudafed.

Poor PunkRock had a crappy date night with me last night, since I was so miserable. We watched two episodes of Breaking Bad and then played 3 rounds of Chupacabra, which is a fun dice game. I guess I kept him awake most of the night with my sniffles and tossing and turning in bed. I feel awful about it. He brought me orange juice in the morning, and soft Kleenex and medicine.

Later, I went downstairs and DarkKnight made me a egg and cheese bagel with tea. He sat with me until WarMan arrived at 11.

Teamwork!

PunkRock is teaching a painting class today and I feel bad because I was supposed to be in it. I just can't form coherent thoughts too well, so starting a new hobby just isn't a good idea today.
 
Lots of disjointed updates, but hey, it's like 3:30 am!

Still feeling terrible. I didn't sleep at all last night while at WarMan's house and apparently tonight isn't my night either. I am feeling a little bit better each day but it's still ugh.

When I came home from WarMan's yesterday, PunkRock told me he had gone to bed early and that he had missed me. He said he was feeling lonely, and reiterated the same remark he had made earlier this week - he thinks he may be getting depressed. We reconnected sexually yesterday evening, but I still felt a little bit apart from him. A second round of sexy times ensued last night, and now I feel much better. He is snoring beside me right now and I am glad my sickness isn't keeping him up.

WarMan is out of sorts lately too. His relationship with Monkey continues to be not so good, and he is hurting. He told me yesterday he thinks he might need to see someone to discuss all sorts of things going on in his life. I recommended my daughter's therapist, as he is at least somewhat versed in poly. I don't think our area is teeming with counsellors with that as a specialty. Anyway, I continue to struggle with him as he struggles with Monkey. I still believe their relationship is somewhat emotionally abusive, and the fact that she is shutting him down, refusing to discuss their issues and then accusing him of not being available to her - she is gaslighting him fairly fierce. WarMan is doing a good job of keeping their relationship separate from ours but he is clearly struggling with it and I hurt for him. He told me that if they "break up" then he will be even more lonely when I am not around, because she is pretty much his sole social outlet. He has been reading the More Than Two website and there was a section on how emotional abusers isolate you from forming a support network and he told me it really resonated with him. I have been encouraging him to branch out and meet new people - friends - at our local game store but he says he doesn't work like that and he is too introverted. I told him everyone there is introverted. Lol

WarMan and I went over chapter 4 in the More Than Two book yesterday morning and he said it was so far the most difficult for him to go through. There was a lot in it that resonated for me and made me think of PunkRock, so I am hoping he continues to read so we can discuss this chapter too, soon. He just got it for his Kindle app, as DarkKnight stole the physical book and it has since disappeared someplace in the house.

DarkKnight seems to be growing a bit apart from me. He went out this weekend to a bar with a bunch of his theater friends. I encouraged him to go, though up until he left he had been teetering on the edge of not attending the gathering at all, since it was in Martinsburg. He ended up catching a ride with others and staying out til 4 am. He was SO excited to tell me about his adventures and it was awesome to see. He is not a social person in the least and I think some of that has to do with his low sense of self worth. I was very glad to see him step out of his comfort zone without me and be successful with his interactions. I miss him though.

Last night was supposed to be our date night but he had a first time read through on his new play and he went to that. (With my urging.) We had originally planned to play a game of Zombicide but since I was sick I canceled it - I was not up for hosting friends. So, I told him to go do his play thing instead. I had messaged PunkRock and told him I was not up for the Zombicide, but would he be ok with hanging out with just WarMan there? He said yes and thanked me for asking. We had had a brief discussion earlier in the week about how I always just schedule everything and never ask anyone their opinion. He is right - I am the extrovert in this group and I just plan things and tell the guys where to be. I am working on being more proactive on the consent side of things. I have always operated this way, so it is a change.

WarMan actually came over for about an hour, straight over from Monkey's because he said he needed a hug. He was really, really down and shaky a bit too. DarkKnight had just gotten home, but both he and PunkRock retreated because I think they could see WarMan needed some alone time with me. I meant to say thank you to both guys later but I will have to do it today because I became sidetracked by sexy times with PunkRock after WarMan left and PunkRock and I watched some more Breaking Bad.

We are starting the new schedule now and I am optimistic. Which, after re-reading this entry, I sure need some good things going on!

My SuperBetter adventure is going in fits and starts as my guys are either assisting or ignoring it. I have been waiting all weekend for them to write me some compliments to stick on various mirrors all over the house, and so far WarMan wrote two specific compliments for his mirror at his house, complete with artwork. I really needed general compliments, but he said he needed more direction on that. DarkKnight told me last night he wrote me one general compliment but he refused to let me see it or post it on the mirror because he was afraid of my reaction and ability to handle it. PunkRock has said he was going to write them but so far hasn't produced anything. Part of me is relieved because it is good to not have to face this issue, but part of me is annoyed that they aren't helping by procrastinating. Then I start thinking that maybe it is just that hard to think of good compliments to give me, and that sucks a lot.
 
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You write interesting fun blog posts ... does that count as a compliment? :) Even when the chips are down, you have a very stylish and engaging way of describing it.
 
Haha! The problem I have with compliments is accepting the ones I receive in regard to my appearance. Abilities and skills don't phase me - I know I'm awesome there and own it. :)

Over $400 on groceries this week - and counting. I haven't been to Sam's Club yet and I already want to cry. I knew it was coming though - my stock of bathroom/paper goods was getting low so I replenished some of them, and that is always expensive. Plus last week I spent a little over $100, since we were broke and trying to use a lot we already had on hand. That means extra expenses this week. Sigh. I am not sure how to get caught up when every week the expenses suck. November should be a better month but October I have no extra wiggle room for fun. I guess I should be glad I am sick.

Tonight is WarMan's date night and since he is now feeling ill too, we are going to cuddle on my couch. I think we are ordering in food from Thai Zap tonight. I know I am not cooking! Not that I ever do...
 
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"Haha! The problem I have with compliments is accepting the ones I receive in regard to my appearance."
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Ohhh, well ... I like all the photos of you I've seen ... (Are you getting uncomfortable yet? ;))
 
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