Dealing with the daily emotions/thoughts

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Viridis

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Maybe it's just my personality, maybe I'm an over thinker, maybe I'm overly cautious due to past relationships.... but I drive myself crazy thinking about things, worrying about things etc...

A happy moment happened in my poly situation over the weekend and I was hoping so much that my brain would leave it at that but nope, it had to start re-assesing everything.

I try to journal but there is so much in my head it's overwhelming to even think about writing it all down.

I sometimes think that all this means I need to be talking about things more but I also think it's easy to drive people away if you are constantly wanting to talk, it's exhausting and draining.

How does everyone else cope?
 
I cope by getting counseling, because I'm diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and depression, and those are the things that cause me to overthink and overanalyze everything. I also journal, talk to friends or Hubby occasionally, and sometimes just sit here petting one of my cats because they're soft.

(That sounds flippant. It wasn't intended to.)
 
I redirect my thoughts. It's not always easy, and sometimes takes multiple attempts to work, but each time I practice, it gets easier. If the line of thought is something I want to address later, I imagine it as a CD. I mentally put the CD away and pull out another one to listen to.

OTOH, if the thought is wholly unwanted and unnecessary, then I imagine putting the thought into a bubble and I watch the bubble float away.

Or, sometimes I just imagine a stop sign, yell stop in my head, and then change my thoughts. I might have to do that more than once or twice for a really persistent thought but the more I practice it, the easier/quicker it is to do.

Aside from that, I do something mentally or physically demanding to get me out of my head...run, exercise, clean the house, declutter/organize, etc.

As far as talking it out with others, that can help. But, if I've already done that and I'm still obsessing, I use the above techniques. Another thing that helps is being mindful of the fact that just like feelings aren't facts, neither is something true or likely just because I think it.
 
Honestly, Zyprexa does most of my coping for me, but if that fails, I'll try to find something distracting to do, or even lay down for awhile.
 
When I find myself lost in my thoughts, I shift my focus to the here and now. I will look at the table in front of me, for example, and see if something on it needs to be put away. So that glass goes in the sink, which makes me have to get up and shift my awareness from what I'm thinking to what I'm doing. I might tackle a pile of papers that need filing or shredding. Or take a walk and make an effort to observe the people and/or nature around me. Focus on the colors, the faces, etc. In other words, I strive to be present in the world instead of caught up in what's going on in my head, which takes me out of the present. We usually think the same thoughts over and over, and many of them aren't even our own, so when I focus on this moment of now, even if what I have to deal with is unpleasant, my whole perspective and sense of well-being usually shifts into something much better because it's real. Being real makes me feel more alive, so for me, being present is always much more preferable and more enjoyable than thinking-thinking-thinking. The only thing we really have is this moment.
 
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I can only confirm what others have mentioned:

* talk it out with my husband and/or a close friend
* clean (this works to work off a good mad as well)
* go for a walk / exercise
* refocus on something completely unrelated to what is worrisome to me
 
As has been mentioned, re-direct and focus on the present and on better feeling thoughts. Anxiety is being caught on a hamster wheel about the past or the future and not being present. It's possible to choose thoughts conciously and there are so very many better feeling thoughts in any given moment that point me in the right direction. I don't need to jump from "sad" to "elated." Just finding a slightly better feeling thought re-orients my focus in the right direction and I'm on my way up out of the mud.

Seeking relief in conversations with others about problems does not bring long term improvement, I am more and more convinced of that. Trying to hammer out solutions or get to the bottom of things has such limited benefit. Practicing peace is what does it - and it's a practice. Peace of mind attracts the peace in others and peaceful, loving situations. I have a lifetime of negative-though-pattern habits to alter, so reaching for peaceful thoughts takes practice. What we think about is largely a matter of habit and what feels normal and "normal" can always be changed. Always. "Normal" can be the hamster wheel of anxiety or "normal" can be peace and inner security. What's normal to you is a matter of what you habitually choose to focus on.

And yoga. Yoga is my magic carpet to peace of mind. A regular yoga practice (not struggling to achieve poses, but being present in my spiritual body) opens me to Life and re-orients me to peace. Again, it's a practice. Peace of mind isn't something you achieve like a college degree. It's something you choose again and again in each moment, in the present.
 
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KC43 - Thanks for the tips - I totally believe in counseling but am just not able to take advantage of it right now which I hate which is why I'm trying different things to calm my mind down - which isn't working unfortunately. My little dog has been so helpful to me, she just looks deep into my eyes when I'm talking about all this to her and then snuggles with me :)
 
PinkPig - What you suggested is exactly what I've been trying as of late - my brain wants to imagine all the things that I really need to let go of - things that I really can't control as being on a sailboat that is sailing down the stream away from me gone forever - I'm making very slow progress with this.

I really liked what you said here: Another thing that helps is being mindful of the fact that just like feelings aren't facts, neither is something true or likely just because I think it. - This is what is amazing me right now - all the reasons I wanted to try being in a poly situation still stand, I'm in a good situation right now, it's going in the direction I want, right now all is okay in my world but my silly brain wants to make me re-assess everything - I hate it!
 
kdt26417 - I totally believe in medication as well and have many times in the past gone on something for anxiety/depression while I was going through transitions. I have restless leg syndrome and as I've gotten older, taking those types of meds make my legs so much worse - I'm going to try everything else I can first - I'm hoping the distraction method works for me!
 
nycindie - thanks so much for your response - what you shared makes so much sense - I got a tattoo about 5 years ago that says "Enjoy the Journey" and I got it to remind myself to just calm down and breathe and just "be" - I think this is what you are saying. I am obsessing so bad right now wanting to take each "problem" my brain is telling me I have and immediately try to figure it out "right now" so I don't have to think about it anymore - I've got to learn to be smarter than my brain lol
 
PolyinMT - thanks so much for responding! I have been telling myself I need more exercise, I just need to really make it happen - I think that will definitely help!
 
FallenAngelina - Thanks so much for responding! I have never really considered Yoga - I will definitely look into it! Your post has made me think a lot since I read it. I need to choose to be happy or choose NOT to obsess, or like you said, choose or practice peace. It's hard too - I have to fight my brain! I just read an article that said overthinking worriers are actually a sign of a creative genius lol so I should be able to be creative in my fight!
 
Viridis said:
I just read an article that said overthinking worriers are actually a sign of a creative genius lol so I should be able to be creative in my fight!
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I've come to the conclusion that contrary to popualr "wisdom," good relationships do not take effort. The opposite, in fact. The more that we can let go, allow and know in our bones that we are enough just as we are and that relationships are perfect as they are, the more joy we have access to in the moment. You do not need to figure things out to make them good. The more you can be quiet and simple, the more helpful and better feeling insights will be able to flow to you. You don't have to and in fact can't hunt them down, as you're learning.



Viridis said:
This is what is amazing me right now - all the reasons I wanted to try being in a poly situation still stand, I'm in a good situation right now, it's going in the direction I want, right now all is okay in my world but my silly brain wants to make me re-assess everything - I hate it!
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I'm in the same spot, Viridis. That's how i know it's so important to find ways to be at peace. Everything around us teaches and encourages to strive and achieve and make efforts to reach our goals, but there's very little noise about sitting quietly so that we can absorb and enjoy the good stuff that's right here. Our brains habitually figure things out, figure things out - which is fine, but we also want to let the good stuff really sink in. The only way that can happen is for us to find ways to stop trying and just experience being. It's a strange sensation for those of us who are so very used to constantly working our minds (which is just about everyone, I think.)
 
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FallenAngelina - I love your outlook on this - I do see the benefit in letting go and just being but wow is that hard for me!!! I hate that about my personality- ugh. I'm going through some big transitions right now - all going okay actually but transitions none the less and my mind is on hyper speed right now - I can't even watch a tv show right now without intruding thoughts popping in. I've reached out here on the forums and have gotten some great tips/advice so I hope this is the beginning of me being able to "let go and just be"
 
Viridis said:
Maybe it's just my personality, maybe I'm an over thinker, maybe I'm overly cautious due to past relationships.... but I drive myself crazy thinking about things, worrying about things etc...

A happy moment happened in my poly situation over the weekend and I was hoping so much that my brain would leave it at that but nope, it had to start re-assesing everything.

I try to journal but there is so much in my head it's overwhelming to even think about writing it all down.

I sometimes think that all this means I need to be talking about things more but I also think it's easy to drive people away if you are constantly wanting to talk, it's exhausting and draining.

How does everyone else cope?
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Music, writing. Writing it out helps me the most when I'm over analyzing because I'm forced to read my own thought process. I have trouble with this quite a lot, myself.
 
Bunnielight said:
Music, writing. Writing it out helps me the most when I'm over analyzing because I'm forced to read my own thought process. I have trouble with this quite a lot, myself.
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I am an avid crafter and do find myself trying to hide in my room to craft but then I feel like I'm being unsociable and my boyfriend worries when I'm "closing him out". If I really need the time I will take it and just tell him I need some space and he's fine with it but it sure seems like I'm doing that alot more lately - hence the reason I'm reaching out here :)
 
I cope by spending time with my pets. My Rottie is a good listener and is happy to have my attention. He is also a great hiking buddy. My terriers are a bit more independent. I also have two cats and two guinea pigs who are happy to zen with mom.

My other outlet is adult coloring. It doesn't require hours of attention. I can take 10 minutes to center myself or 10 hours if I wish.
 
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