The Musings of a Newbie
- Thread starter New2This3
- Start date
I went through a similar situation back in 1999-2000 when my ex husband and I first opened. I know what kind of hell you are going through.
You have a right to request him to ease off on pursuing her. My ex and I had a veto in place (bad idea), so I told him to end it with her sexually, but they could remain friends. They saw each other once a year or so since she lived 5 hours away.
It caused him to feel majorly resentful of me. He wanted the whole shebang, to move her in with us and our kids! Ugh. After 2 months of a relationship. Yeah, right.
So anyway. You can request, not demand, he give her up.
Or you can sit and wait for something to resolve with them. She's in a bad situation with her husband, so your h is probably having his white knight tendencies triggered.
Or you can ease off on what is going on with them, and seek individual counseling, or couples counseling if your h will even do that.
Or you can just go back to working on separating with an eye to finally living apart and divorcing.
There are many options that need to be weighed. I am so sorry for your pain! It's hard to make decisions when your heart is being ripped out of your chest. I got extremely depressed when my ex and I were going through it. I went on Zoloft for a year, we did couples counseling for a year, and we both did individual counseling as well, him for a year, me for 3 years.
Ultimately we did split in 2008 (we also had other issues besides poly practices). I felt empowered by the therapy and by having moved into a separate bedroom, to finally throw in the towel. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
You have a right to request him to ease off on pursuing her. My ex and I had a veto in place (bad idea), so I told him to end it with her sexually, but they could remain friends. They saw each other once a year or so since she lived 5 hours away.
It caused him to feel majorly resentful of me. He wanted the whole shebang, to move her in with us and our kids! Ugh. After 2 months of a relationship. Yeah, right.
So anyway. You can request, not demand, he give her up.
Or you can sit and wait for something to resolve with them. She's in a bad situation with her husband, so your h is probably having his white knight tendencies triggered.
Or you can ease off on what is going on with them, and seek individual counseling, or couples counseling if your h will even do that.
Or you can just go back to working on separating with an eye to finally living apart and divorcing.
There are many options that need to be weighed. I am so sorry for your pain! It's hard to make decisions when your heart is being ripped out of your chest. I got extremely depressed when my ex and I were going through it. I went on Zoloft for a year, we did couples counseling for a year, and we both did individual counseling as well, him for a year, me for 3 years.
Ultimately we did split in 2008 (we also had other issues besides poly practices). I felt empowered by the therapy and by having moved into a separate bedroom, to finally throw in the towel. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
New2This3
New member
I've been on Lexapro for two months now. :-(
I feel like he would end up resenting me even if I presented it in a way that made it a request and not a demand. Its also why Kiwi "let him go", because she knew if we separated and he stayed with her, that he would end up resenting her as well.
Either way, he's gonna loose one of us, because I simply don't think there's an option for us to both coexist in his life anymore. Not right now, I cant see it happening or working.
I almost feel like we both just need to be on our own for awhile. He needs to figure out what he wants and who he wants, and maybe its neither one of us, who knows.
All I know is that I don't think I can share him right now. I dont think I can handle him spending time with her, or constantly dividing his time between me and her....My feelings have changed when it comes to her... I don't like what she represents in our life, in MY life....
I can't just move out because financially, we can't afford it....so even if I moved into the spare bedroom, there are going to be times when I know he's with her and its gonna drive me insane, and i know that those are MY issues I will have to deal with, not his but still, I can't help but imagine how things might end up being and its painful to think of.
I can't afford counseling right now either, whether couples or individual....like zero $ in my budget for it.
and he was torn last night too...i could tell that he knew he was back to struggling internally over what to do....and he told me he loves me and wants to be with me...he doesnt want to separate....he doesn't want us to divorce....he wants us to work on us....but now he wants to have her back in his life in any way he can also....
and before i was willing to work some kind of arrangement out to make that happen and work for everyone involved...
but my feelings have changed.
i dont want that anymore.
i want her gone from the picture.
but i can only control myself and my own place in that picture.
so I don't know what to do or choose to do. :-(
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IndieSolo
Active member
I don't get it. If you two are too broke for therapy, or for separating, how can you afford his having another relationship? Someone's priorities are a bit screwed up, I'd say.
I think if there is any money to be squeezed out from your budget, couples counseling should be first on the list, not dating, if you both are serious about healing what has happened between you.
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New2This3
New member
I don't get it. If you two are too broke for therapy, or for separating, how can you afford his having another relationship? Someone's priorities are a bit screwed up, I'd say.
I think if there is any money to be squeezed out from your budget, couples counseling should be first on the list, not dating, if you both are serious about healing what has happened between you.
yeah, you're telling me... idk what he's thinking...
::sigh:: he's picking up more hours at work and i just found a different daycare option for us that will allow me more hours at work as well, so I'm hoping we can fit therapy into our budget now. This literally was just decided on last night....so I'm crossing my fingers.
IndieSolo
Active member
Um, well, don't you two work out your finances together? If there is no budget for dating, how can he do that?
And he picked up more hours with the intention of you two being able to afford therapy? Or so he can keep dating?
I ask because it doesn't sound like you said to him, "if you want us to stay together and for this marriage to work, you need to go to therapy with me, so we have to find a way to afford it." It sounds like you're kind of wishing and hoping that it will all work out, while waiting for him to make some decision.
I don't think Stone is spending a lot to "date" this woman. She has her own place now, maybe he just goes there to hang out. I wonder if they are having full on sex yet, come to think of it. Surely after all these months, they are.
I hope you two discussed that the extra income you both plan on earning is earmarked for therapy. Because Stone is acting crazy. Full stop. Thinking with his penis, it sounds like.
IndieSolo
Active member
Yeah, I'm thinking bare minimum costs, like condoms, gas to go see her, dinner here and there. Maybe condoms aren't as expensive where they are as they are here in NYC. I know they were trying to be platonic, but it seems like if he wants to see Kiwi again, it isn't just to be friends.
New2, I am also wondering about this thing you said: "she was hurt because of something she found out about him and I that he hid from her." Was the thing she found out about the fact that you and he had sex that night, or something else?
This is a really fucked-up situation. If you can't afford therapy, would your husband be open to coming here and talking about it? We won't gang up on him.
New2, I am also wondering about this thing you said: "she was hurt because of something she found out about him and I that he hid from her." Was the thing she found out about the fact that you and he had sex that night, or something else?
This is a really fucked-up situation. If you can't afford therapy, would your husband be open to coming here and talking about it? We won't gang up on him.
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New2This3
New member
Back for an update
....the roller coaster continues and I feel like I just need a place to vent.
When last I left off, Kiwi ended up coming over to talk with Stone and I and lay everything out on the table.
Couple of things came to light, one major one being that Stone had been lying to us both in order to keep us both in his life because we kept "insisting" that he choose one of us over the other and he just didn't know how to make that choice because he loved us both. Stone was kind of leading Kiwi to believe he was going to leave me eventually for her, that he and I would only be platonic friends raising kids together, because he knew she didn't and wouldnt share him intimately with me. Stone was lying to me saying that he was only friends with her until he figured himself out and what he was going to do....turns out he was being intimate with us both and lying about it.
It stung really bad and we both yelled and argued with him and apologized to each other because her and my friendship basically deteriorated because of his actions and what he was telling each of us....we agreed that we all three should have been talking as a unit from the start the whole time, but somewhere along the line he became the middle man, and in the process of trying to keep us both happy when we both wanted different things, he resorted to lying and it made Kiwi and I hate each other.
So after he admitted to her that he never intends to leave me, she said okay and eventually left. The next day her and I tried to be a crutch for each other because we were hurt and angry at him....but by the end of the day she said she couldn't be friends because it hurt knowing i was still considering staying with him....
for two months, Kiwi was gone from our lives. Stone was at first over affectionate towards me, probably out of guilt and fear that I would leave him.....eventually that wore off and he became miserable and depressed...things started getting bad between us again....i couldnt be the same supportive wife i had tried to be the entire time because i was still angry over the whole blow up and turn of events....i mean, i still get so upset when i think about it.....
so a week after the new year, Kiwi drunk texts Stone....and they talked for a bit. i was furious. it just brought up all the memories and hurt again. He was contemplating going to see her and my emotions took over me and i told him that if he did, it would be the end of him and i....
he didnt go but he was even more distant than before.
a few days later i tried talking to him more calmly. i told him that if he felt he needed to see her for closure or whatever that he should go but that we need to talk about it and that he shouldnt just take my feelings and what i say as my final "decree" because compromise is part of being in a relationship....
i went to work.
on lunch break he called and said he went to go see Kiwi and talked to her for awhile.
she was working on things with her husband again and said that she doesnt necessarily want him back in her life.
they basically caught up and he apologized to her for how he treated her.
but once again i was furious that he didn't talk to me first beforehand....i had just told him if he wanted to go we should talk first...instead he goes on impulse. i told him i don't want a life with her in it anymore....and he said he still see our kids growing up together and doesn't know what he truly wants now....he said he thought having some "space" is best for him and i right now.
so i drafted up separation papers and gave it to him.
he has changed so much. he isn't the man i married. i dont know whats going to happen to us....we try to just act like friends raising kids now...
he says that there's no guarantee that Kiwi and him will be each other lives anymore. that the last time he spoke to her was when he went to go see her.....but he's lied to me before so i can't trust him. i want to believe him but i can't.
and it enrages me now thinking that he might end up with her one day....how is it that around this time last year, i was happy that he found someone, happy for the prospect of having a sister wife...i was able to be there for him with an open mind when he talked of her, etc....and now i loathe it....he says how he misses her and i can't feel any sympathy at him loosing someone he loves because of how he betrayed me and lied to me about it....
i have never wished so badly that a person hadn't come into my life at all.
anyways, so i'm still fresh in the "break"...trying to do whats best for me and my kids....find myself again and be happy with "me"....i know thats what "breaks" are for....afterall, he and i cant be happy together if we aren't happy with ourselves first....
and i have my part in all this too....i'm no saint. i have to deal with my role and my part in our relationships downfall....it definitely wasn't all him. I've depending on others for happiness for way too long....i've never been on my own, never lived on my own....never just focused on "me".....so i guess i should thank him. what better time to start than now.
doesnt make this whole thing hurt any less. :-(
....the roller coaster continues and I feel like I just need a place to vent.
When last I left off, Kiwi ended up coming over to talk with Stone and I and lay everything out on the table.
Couple of things came to light, one major one being that Stone had been lying to us both in order to keep us both in his life because we kept "insisting" that he choose one of us over the other and he just didn't know how to make that choice because he loved us both. Stone was kind of leading Kiwi to believe he was going to leave me eventually for her, that he and I would only be platonic friends raising kids together, because he knew she didn't and wouldnt share him intimately with me. Stone was lying to me saying that he was only friends with her until he figured himself out and what he was going to do....turns out he was being intimate with us both and lying about it.
It stung really bad and we both yelled and argued with him and apologized to each other because her and my friendship basically deteriorated because of his actions and what he was telling each of us....we agreed that we all three should have been talking as a unit from the start the whole time, but somewhere along the line he became the middle man, and in the process of trying to keep us both happy when we both wanted different things, he resorted to lying and it made Kiwi and I hate each other.
So after he admitted to her that he never intends to leave me, she said okay and eventually left. The next day her and I tried to be a crutch for each other because we were hurt and angry at him....but by the end of the day she said she couldn't be friends because it hurt knowing i was still considering staying with him....
for two months, Kiwi was gone from our lives. Stone was at first over affectionate towards me, probably out of guilt and fear that I would leave him.....eventually that wore off and he became miserable and depressed...things started getting bad between us again....i couldnt be the same supportive wife i had tried to be the entire time because i was still angry over the whole blow up and turn of events....i mean, i still get so upset when i think about it.....
so a week after the new year, Kiwi drunk texts Stone....and they talked for a bit. i was furious. it just brought up all the memories and hurt again. He was contemplating going to see her and my emotions took over me and i told him that if he did, it would be the end of him and i....
he didnt go but he was even more distant than before.
a few days later i tried talking to him more calmly. i told him that if he felt he needed to see her for closure or whatever that he should go but that we need to talk about it and that he shouldnt just take my feelings and what i say as my final "decree" because compromise is part of being in a relationship....
i went to work.
on lunch break he called and said he went to go see Kiwi and talked to her for awhile.
she was working on things with her husband again and said that she doesnt necessarily want him back in her life.
they basically caught up and he apologized to her for how he treated her.
but once again i was furious that he didn't talk to me first beforehand....i had just told him if he wanted to go we should talk first...instead he goes on impulse. i told him i don't want a life with her in it anymore....and he said he still see our kids growing up together and doesn't know what he truly wants now....he said he thought having some "space" is best for him and i right now.
so i drafted up separation papers and gave it to him.
he has changed so much. he isn't the man i married. i dont know whats going to happen to us....we try to just act like friends raising kids now...
he says that there's no guarantee that Kiwi and him will be each other lives anymore. that the last time he spoke to her was when he went to go see her.....but he's lied to me before so i can't trust him. i want to believe him but i can't.
and it enrages me now thinking that he might end up with her one day....how is it that around this time last year, i was happy that he found someone, happy for the prospect of having a sister wife...i was able to be there for him with an open mind when he talked of her, etc....and now i loathe it....he says how he misses her and i can't feel any sympathy at him loosing someone he loves because of how he betrayed me and lied to me about it....
i have never wished so badly that a person hadn't come into my life at all.
anyways, so i'm still fresh in the "break"...trying to do whats best for me and my kids....find myself again and be happy with "me"....i know thats what "breaks" are for....afterall, he and i cant be happy together if we aren't happy with ourselves first....
and i have my part in all this too....i'm no saint. i have to deal with my role and my part in our relationships downfall....it definitely wasn't all him. I've depending on others for happiness for way too long....i've never been on my own, never lived on my own....never just focused on "me".....so i guess i should thank him. what better time to start than now.
doesnt make this whole thing hurt any less. :-(
New2This3
New member
Just some thoughts
I've been lurking on the blogs of this community and soaking up all the experiences you all have been going through. Something I came across made some dark corner of my subconscious go off....
"Codependency"
It made me wonder about myself and whether I fall into this category.
I quickly assessed my life in a nutshell:
-alcoholic step father and clinically depressed mother
-low self-esteem and self-image all through high school
-verbally abusive boyfriend my senior year
-bounced from guy to guy after high school
-never gained my own independence, never lived on my own, felt afraid to be alone actually
-tried to alter myself to fit the image my significant others had of me; was afraid to become "exposed" as a fake
-married my husband ....and i thought i felt i could be my "true self" with him....but now I'm self reflecting and thinking i never knew who my "true self" was....
-i think i've always felt the need for attention and to feel "wanted" by someone in order to feel secure but honestly the feeling of insecurity has never gone away....its always been something i've battled in my life.
Some thoughts I've about myself throughout my relationship with Stone:
-I've always wanted him to be happy with me; always doubted that I was good enough for him
-I've always felt disappointed at some things I felt I wanted from him and he was never able to provide or at least show an effort to do so
-I've supported him throughout the years as he went from job to job and maybe just never "figured" himself out...always wanting to be there for him as an encouraging supportive wife
-Money has always been a huge problem in our life...and i've always felt "stuck" in my half-happy job position because i've been waiting for him to be able to "catch up" to me so that i'd have the freedom of exploring alternative job options (gotta pay the bills somehow)
-i never focused on "me" because i was always so focused on "us" or him and how he viewed me or didn't view me
some positive things since our separation started a week ago:
-moving all of my things into our spare bedroom at first felt strange and depressing....but i found myself yesterday feeling somewhat "homey" i guess for lack of a better term....like it was "my space" and mine alone....and i caught myself thinking what kind of curtains i should buy for the space and what color paint i should do the walls, what throw rug i could get eventually for it....things of that nature....i suppose thats a step in the right direction?? and speaking of....i've never taken the liberty to decorate my own house...whenever i've lived in a place with a significant other, i would certainly window shop and throw ideas around with them, but they would always take the lead in decorating....my husband bought our current house 3 years ago (this upcoming April) and it still is bare....no framed pictures on the walls, no sense of decor anywhere really.....i really wonder what keeps me from doing that...
-i've been daydreaming of taking a solo road trip during my spring break in a few months....i don't know where...i dont know how....and it scares me to death thinking of being alone....especially away from my kids...but i think i need it.... i haven't vacationed in ages and i've NEVER gone alone....maybe it will be liberating...
more later i suppose......
I've been lurking on the blogs of this community and soaking up all the experiences you all have been going through. Something I came across made some dark corner of my subconscious go off....
"Codependency"
It made me wonder about myself and whether I fall into this category.
I quickly assessed my life in a nutshell:
-alcoholic step father and clinically depressed mother
-low self-esteem and self-image all through high school
-verbally abusive boyfriend my senior year
-bounced from guy to guy after high school
-never gained my own independence, never lived on my own, felt afraid to be alone actually
-tried to alter myself to fit the image my significant others had of me; was afraid to become "exposed" as a fake
-married my husband ....and i thought i felt i could be my "true self" with him....but now I'm self reflecting and thinking i never knew who my "true self" was....
-i think i've always felt the need for attention and to feel "wanted" by someone in order to feel secure but honestly the feeling of insecurity has never gone away....its always been something i've battled in my life.
Some thoughts I've about myself throughout my relationship with Stone:
-I've always wanted him to be happy with me; always doubted that I was good enough for him
-I've always felt disappointed at some things I felt I wanted from him and he was never able to provide or at least show an effort to do so
-I've supported him throughout the years as he went from job to job and maybe just never "figured" himself out...always wanting to be there for him as an encouraging supportive wife
-Money has always been a huge problem in our life...and i've always felt "stuck" in my half-happy job position because i've been waiting for him to be able to "catch up" to me so that i'd have the freedom of exploring alternative job options (gotta pay the bills somehow)
-i never focused on "me" because i was always so focused on "us" or him and how he viewed me or didn't view me
some positive things since our separation started a week ago:
-moving all of my things into our spare bedroom at first felt strange and depressing....but i found myself yesterday feeling somewhat "homey" i guess for lack of a better term....like it was "my space" and mine alone....and i caught myself thinking what kind of curtains i should buy for the space and what color paint i should do the walls, what throw rug i could get eventually for it....things of that nature....i suppose thats a step in the right direction?? and speaking of....i've never taken the liberty to decorate my own house...whenever i've lived in a place with a significant other, i would certainly window shop and throw ideas around with them, but they would always take the lead in decorating....my husband bought our current house 3 years ago (this upcoming April) and it still is bare....no framed pictures on the walls, no sense of decor anywhere really.....i really wonder what keeps me from doing that...
-i've been daydreaming of taking a solo road trip during my spring break in a few months....i don't know where...i dont know how....and it scares me to death thinking of being alone....especially away from my kids...but i think i need it.... i haven't vacationed in ages and i've NEVER gone alone....maybe it will be liberating...
more later i suppose......
New2This3
New member
Divorce
So I've decided I am going to seek a divorce.
A LOT has happened since last I posted....7 days of pure chaos.
Highlights:
-caught Stone lying about talking to Kiwi again
-told him it was over, I was done and going to seek a divorce
-Kiwi reached out to me and we started talking again
-I sabotaged Stone out of anger for the next few days and told her secrets and things about him that I told him I would never repeat to anyone else.
-I had to take off work one of those days because I was crying hysterically and couldn't regain my composure.
-told Kiwi I liked her as a person but hated and regret what she represents
-Kiwi went to her counseling session with her husband yesterday and told him and the pastor that she wanted a divorce, that she tried to give their marriage a chance again but that she was a different person and couldn't be the wife he wants or needs ....or something like that....they told her she was a bad person and that her kids would hurt because of her sins.....she became depressed and self-destructive and reached out to me.....
-meanwhile, while she was at her session, i was at school and took a call from Stone and ended up breaking down in class crying, and i had to leave....we ended up talking more and reconciling...agreeing that we didnt need to hate each other over past mistakes....agreeing that we needed to be civil for the kids so they don't grow up with parents who hate each other....agreeing that though this was the end of our marriage and relationship that we could try to move on and forward and work towards a healthier platonic relationship and raise our kids surrounded by love and happiness.....we aren't dumb, it won't be easy and we both need space right now to heal....and the divorce won't happen over night....but i felt like it was turning point yet again....
-after all that, is when Kiwi reached out....and i was concerned so i called Stone too...
-Stone and i both met up with Kiwi at her apartment for support....she was drunk and depressed and had tried hurting herself....
-in some ways it was weird and awkward and surreal that we three were there together....no rage, no hostility, no pain, no yelling.....just simply talking and taking care of her and being there for support for one another....
-in some ways it felt right.
-i eventually became overwhelmed with my own emotions though and decided i should go
-woke up with a call from Stone....Kiwi's husband showed up at her apartment and yelled and made a scene because Stone was there....he verbally threatened him and told her it was over for good...
-i told them i wish i could be there for Kiwi right now again given the way things are continuing to turn out, but that i still had my own issues in my head about the two of them that i needed to deal with on my own, esp if we are to continue to be there for each other and try to forge some kind of weird friendship/whatever that works for the three of us.....i told them i needed space so that i wouldn't turn into a spiteful raging bitch again and say things i'd regret later.
-in all honesty, i want more peaceful, happy memories with them because i still know in my heart i will always have a connection with them both, regardless of how f**cked up things have been since Kiwi came into the picture...hell, even since Stone and I started having issues before then....
but they both still mean a lot to me.
And so here I sit.....reflecting and wondering what next....a lot of people will probably think i'm crazy....hell, sometimes i think i am too..... ::sigh:: idk.
its a lot right now...i need a vacation. :-/
So I've decided I am going to seek a divorce.
A LOT has happened since last I posted....7 days of pure chaos.
Highlights:
-caught Stone lying about talking to Kiwi again
-told him it was over, I was done and going to seek a divorce
-Kiwi reached out to me and we started talking again
-I sabotaged Stone out of anger for the next few days and told her secrets and things about him that I told him I would never repeat to anyone else.
-I had to take off work one of those days because I was crying hysterically and couldn't regain my composure.
-told Kiwi I liked her as a person but hated and regret what she represents
-Kiwi went to her counseling session with her husband yesterday and told him and the pastor that she wanted a divorce, that she tried to give their marriage a chance again but that she was a different person and couldn't be the wife he wants or needs ....or something like that....they told her she was a bad person and that her kids would hurt because of her sins.....she became depressed and self-destructive and reached out to me.....
-meanwhile, while she was at her session, i was at school and took a call from Stone and ended up breaking down in class crying, and i had to leave....we ended up talking more and reconciling...agreeing that we didnt need to hate each other over past mistakes....agreeing that we needed to be civil for the kids so they don't grow up with parents who hate each other....agreeing that though this was the end of our marriage and relationship that we could try to move on and forward and work towards a healthier platonic relationship and raise our kids surrounded by love and happiness.....we aren't dumb, it won't be easy and we both need space right now to heal....and the divorce won't happen over night....but i felt like it was turning point yet again....
-after all that, is when Kiwi reached out....and i was concerned so i called Stone too...
-Stone and i both met up with Kiwi at her apartment for support....she was drunk and depressed and had tried hurting herself....
-in some ways it was weird and awkward and surreal that we three were there together....no rage, no hostility, no pain, no yelling.....just simply talking and taking care of her and being there for support for one another....
-in some ways it felt right.
-i eventually became overwhelmed with my own emotions though and decided i should go
-woke up with a call from Stone....Kiwi's husband showed up at her apartment and yelled and made a scene because Stone was there....he verbally threatened him and told her it was over for good...
-i told them i wish i could be there for Kiwi right now again given the way things are continuing to turn out, but that i still had my own issues in my head about the two of them that i needed to deal with on my own, esp if we are to continue to be there for each other and try to forge some kind of weird friendship/whatever that works for the three of us.....i told them i needed space so that i wouldn't turn into a spiteful raging bitch again and say things i'd regret later.
-in all honesty, i want more peaceful, happy memories with them because i still know in my heart i will always have a connection with them both, regardless of how f**cked up things have been since Kiwi came into the picture...hell, even since Stone and I started having issues before then....
but they both still mean a lot to me.
And so here I sit.....reflecting and wondering what next....a lot of people will probably think i'm crazy....hell, sometimes i think i am too..... ::sigh:: idk.
its a lot right now...i need a vacation. :-/
OnceAndFuture
Member
I don't know much more about your situation but ((New2This3)). I do hope things improve. Be good to yourself in any way you know how.
New2This3
New member
Round and Round in a circle
::deep breath::
So...as quickly as Kiwi came back into the picture, she has left again.
Last I posted, I woke up to a call from Stone saying Kiwi's husband had came to her apt and found him there, made a scene, etc. I told them I was sorry that happened but that I was trying to calm my own thoughts and emotions (because I knew in my heart they were intimate that night) and that I would talk to them later that day.
The next few days was spent doing things (at least in my mind) the right way....how things should have been done from the very beginning....we talked about boundaries and expectations and having complete transparency and honesty and always being open. Stone was straightforward about a lot of things. It was refreshing to know he was telling her upfront how he felt about me and our relationship and not hiding things anymore. Kiwi asked a lot of questions and we answered honestly. I was still hurt from the lies and made it clear that I didn't want to be alone with Stone for awhile until I healed. I also said that I still wanted to be separated and that I had to sort my feelings out. Stone started to express to us both that he didn't want a divorce. He loves me and he loves her and wants a life with us both. When we got on the subject of intimacy I told them what I needed...and that if and when I decided i wanted to be intimate with Stone again, I would bring it up to them both first and we could all talk about it. i wanted us to be able to build trust again. i wanted to always be able to talk about what works and doesnt work, what made everyone comfortable and what didn't....so that we could all grow together....
Apparently I was clear enough.
Saturday came and we had our son's birthday party scheduled at our house. It would be the first time I'd hung out with Stone for awhile alone with our family since we separated. I had prayed to God the night before for guidance. I was nervous.
And I fell for him all over again.
I felt a fire within me ignite that I didn't know had withered down....I knew I loved this man so much. Despite all the hurt and pain and issues....I loved him unconditionally. And I felt in my heart I didn't want to divorce him.
That night I texted them both in group chat that I didn't want a divorce anymore. And that we needed to talk about what that means.
Kiwi didn't take it well.
She said she didn't know what to say. That she wasn't sure she wanted a poly relationship. I told her technically she would be a relationship with Stone only. But she would be sharing him with me. She said that she doesn't and will not ever be okay with sharing. We kind of all just left it up in the air at that point because no one knew how to proceed without hurting anyone else.
The next day (yesterday) we tried talking in group chat about mundane things....nothing serious. And then she asked if Stone was keeping our kids or dropping them off to meet later that evening. I said I invited him over that night and that we should revisit the intimacy talk. She once again said she wasn't comfortable with any of it now. I asked her what she meant. She said she honestly only started seeing Stone again because we were going to get a divorce and now thats changed. I asked her what about the talks (specifically from her) about always trying to stay friends no matter what....Her response was that I was married to the man she's in love with and that the only way she could see us all being friends was if he was married to her and doesn't have sex with me anymore.
Stone has talked to her since then but only a few times. He is heartbroken. But at least they have been honest with each other this time. And she simply does not agree with a poly lifestyle. She's hurt that he has chosen me and not her, because that is how she sees it. He's expressed that he isn't chosing a life with only me, that he wants a life with both of us in it and that she is chosing to leave. He doesn't want her to. But that he isn't trying to change who she is. He just wishes she would at least give him a chance, give their love and relationship a chance.
But for now, she's gone again.
He is heartbroken again. I wish I knew how to help. But I'm proud of him for doing things right this time. even if for only a few days, it seemed as though that is how things should have been from the start....transparency, honesty, openness......talks....
As for him and I, we are still going to stay separated. We've agreed we need space to grow as individuals and space to work on our marriage. He also needs space to go through this breakup. I told him i'd be here for him but trying to dive back into "just us" last time this happened didn't work too well so he needs to take time to move on on his own terms.
I'm sad because I thought this time was going to be a fresh start. We three have a great connection together. I really wished to see where it could have gone....
I wonder what other surprises Life will throw my way....
::deep breath::
So...as quickly as Kiwi came back into the picture, she has left again.
Last I posted, I woke up to a call from Stone saying Kiwi's husband had came to her apt and found him there, made a scene, etc. I told them I was sorry that happened but that I was trying to calm my own thoughts and emotions (because I knew in my heart they were intimate that night) and that I would talk to them later that day.
The next few days was spent doing things (at least in my mind) the right way....how things should have been done from the very beginning....we talked about boundaries and expectations and having complete transparency and honesty and always being open. Stone was straightforward about a lot of things. It was refreshing to know he was telling her upfront how he felt about me and our relationship and not hiding things anymore. Kiwi asked a lot of questions and we answered honestly. I was still hurt from the lies and made it clear that I didn't want to be alone with Stone for awhile until I healed. I also said that I still wanted to be separated and that I had to sort my feelings out. Stone started to express to us both that he didn't want a divorce. He loves me and he loves her and wants a life with us both. When we got on the subject of intimacy I told them what I needed...and that if and when I decided i wanted to be intimate with Stone again, I would bring it up to them both first and we could all talk about it. i wanted us to be able to build trust again. i wanted to always be able to talk about what works and doesnt work, what made everyone comfortable and what didn't....so that we could all grow together....
Apparently I was clear enough.
Saturday came and we had our son's birthday party scheduled at our house. It would be the first time I'd hung out with Stone for awhile alone with our family since we separated. I had prayed to God the night before for guidance. I was nervous.
And I fell for him all over again.
I felt a fire within me ignite that I didn't know had withered down....I knew I loved this man so much. Despite all the hurt and pain and issues....I loved him unconditionally. And I felt in my heart I didn't want to divorce him.
That night I texted them both in group chat that I didn't want a divorce anymore. And that we needed to talk about what that means.
Kiwi didn't take it well.
She said she didn't know what to say. That she wasn't sure she wanted a poly relationship. I told her technically she would be a relationship with Stone only. But she would be sharing him with me. She said that she doesn't and will not ever be okay with sharing. We kind of all just left it up in the air at that point because no one knew how to proceed without hurting anyone else.
The next day (yesterday) we tried talking in group chat about mundane things....nothing serious. And then she asked if Stone was keeping our kids or dropping them off to meet later that evening. I said I invited him over that night and that we should revisit the intimacy talk. She once again said she wasn't comfortable with any of it now. I asked her what she meant. She said she honestly only started seeing Stone again because we were going to get a divorce and now thats changed. I asked her what about the talks (specifically from her) about always trying to stay friends no matter what....Her response was that I was married to the man she's in love with and that the only way she could see us all being friends was if he was married to her and doesn't have sex with me anymore.
Stone has talked to her since then but only a few times. He is heartbroken. But at least they have been honest with each other this time. And she simply does not agree with a poly lifestyle. She's hurt that he has chosen me and not her, because that is how she sees it. He's expressed that he isn't chosing a life with only me, that he wants a life with both of us in it and that she is chosing to leave. He doesn't want her to. But that he isn't trying to change who she is. He just wishes she would at least give him a chance, give their love and relationship a chance.
But for now, she's gone again.
He is heartbroken again. I wish I knew how to help. But I'm proud of him for doing things right this time. even if for only a few days, it seemed as though that is how things should have been from the start....transparency, honesty, openness......talks....
As for him and I, we are still going to stay separated. We've agreed we need space to grow as individuals and space to work on our marriage. He also needs space to go through this breakup. I told him i'd be here for him but trying to dive back into "just us" last time this happened didn't work too well so he needs to take time to move on on his own terms.
I'm sad because I thought this time was going to be a fresh start. We three have a great connection together. I really wished to see where it could have gone....
I wonder what other surprises Life will throw my way....
New2This3
New member
What the Hell
This roller coaster is emotionally draining!!!!
Kiwi is back again. She now says she wants to take things slow and ONLY be friends with Stone and I and see if she can "handle" it.
I don't know what to feel anymore.
There's been sooooooooooo many ups and downs and just pure f**king chaos with this whole situation.....I'm gonna explode.
Its like I'm cautious now and afraid of her leaving for the millionth time again.
:::sigh:::
This roller coaster is emotionally draining!!!!
Kiwi is back again. She now says she wants to take things slow and ONLY be friends with Stone and I and see if she can "handle" it.
I don't know what to feel anymore.
There's been sooooooooooo many ups and downs and just pure f**king chaos with this whole situation.....I'm gonna explode.
Its like I'm cautious now and afraid of her leaving for the millionth time again.
:::sigh:::
powerpuffgrl1969
Active member
Murphy st
I have read all your threads, and I wonder when it will be when you have FINALLY had enough. I feel terrible for you, but only you are keeping yourself on this emotional roller coaster. Have you ever thought that Stone and Kiwi might actually thrive on all the drama? It can't be good for your kids.
I have read all your threads, and I wonder when it will be when you have FINALLY had enough. I feel terrible for you, but only you are keeping yourself on this emotional roller coaster. Have you ever thought that Stone and Kiwi might actually thrive on all the drama? It can't be good for your kids.
New2This3
New member
One year later......
They say that things can change in a day....but oh how things change over the course of a year....
I started this blog on this website a year and four days ago.... crazy to imagine how differently things were back then....
So I suppose a recap is definitely in order:
Stone and I are in the midst of a divorce. I officially filed in June.
As Polypuffgrl mentioned: "i wonder when it will be when you have FINALLY had enough"....that was officially the end of May of this year... Last I wrote was in February, and my heart was already beginning to change towards Stone and the whole situation.... I ended up becoming best friends with Kiwi, our friendship growing out of the awfulness that Stone continued to emit....he and I were officially separated that entire time, and then the end of May rolled around and Stone and I got into a really huge awful fight and I realized I was so FINALLY done....so I moved out...my boss had a rental he let me rent out last minute and I have been on my own since.
As for the divorce, we have very little to divide and our custody arrangement was handled through court in June as well, so the divorce process itself should be over in a month or so. His current mood is to make most of the situation and accept it for what it is and move forward with his own life. We have been successfully co-parenting for the last few weeks and he has been civil for a change.... which has been a dramatic difference considering the crazy almost "psychotic" mood that he showed in the months leading up to July....
Kiwi has been completely out of the picture since mid-July. I'll update on that later.
I have had a few dates/flings here and there but mostly have been trying to focus on getting my life in order and preparing myself on how my future will be from now on...
Work has been busy and stressful and I am supposed to go back to college next month part time if finances go well.
I find myself still struggling with whether I want a poly lifestyle or not....especially after this experience....it has been draining.... I may be leaning more to swinging after i've healed a bit after the divorce but who knows.... still taking my time soul-searching.
I will come back and recap in more detail to get some more insight and feedback on certain things, and of course for those of you who love a good story lol (a bit of sarcasm in there, I definitely feel like my life has been a drama filled soap opera). More so I need to vent about a certain connection that is tied into all this craziness....I'm sure the best and most rational choice in it all is to leave it all in the past and move forward.... But at the same time, I'm finding it hard to see passed this connection... Anywho, I will explain further later or tomorrow.
Glad to be back. Hope you all are well.
They say that things can change in a day....but oh how things change over the course of a year....
I started this blog on this website a year and four days ago.... crazy to imagine how differently things were back then....
So I suppose a recap is definitely in order:
Stone and I are in the midst of a divorce. I officially filed in June.
As Polypuffgrl mentioned: "i wonder when it will be when you have FINALLY had enough"....that was officially the end of May of this year... Last I wrote was in February, and my heart was already beginning to change towards Stone and the whole situation.... I ended up becoming best friends with Kiwi, our friendship growing out of the awfulness that Stone continued to emit....he and I were officially separated that entire time, and then the end of May rolled around and Stone and I got into a really huge awful fight and I realized I was so FINALLY done....so I moved out...my boss had a rental he let me rent out last minute and I have been on my own since.
As for the divorce, we have very little to divide and our custody arrangement was handled through court in June as well, so the divorce process itself should be over in a month or so. His current mood is to make most of the situation and accept it for what it is and move forward with his own life. We have been successfully co-parenting for the last few weeks and he has been civil for a change.... which has been a dramatic difference considering the crazy almost "psychotic" mood that he showed in the months leading up to July....
Kiwi has been completely out of the picture since mid-July. I'll update on that later.
I have had a few dates/flings here and there but mostly have been trying to focus on getting my life in order and preparing myself on how my future will be from now on...
Work has been busy and stressful and I am supposed to go back to college next month part time if finances go well.
I find myself still struggling with whether I want a poly lifestyle or not....especially after this experience....it has been draining.... I may be leaning more to swinging after i've healed a bit after the divorce but who knows.... still taking my time soul-searching.
I will come back and recap in more detail to get some more insight and feedback on certain things, and of course for those of you who love a good story
lol (a bit of sarcasm in there, I definitely feel like my life has been a drama filled soap opera). More so I need to vent about a certain connection that is tied into all this craziness....I'm sure the best and most rational choice in it all is to leave it all in the past and move forward.... But at the same time, I'm finding it hard to see passed this connection... Anywho, I will explain further later or tomorrow.Glad to be back. Hope you all are well.
New2This3
New member
Those damn connections
Hello again.
For this journal entry, I want to talk about Ocean.
Ocean is Kiwi's husband. If you go back to my original thread on here last August I mentioned that Kiwi was married with three children and unhappy with her marriage. She has been with Ocean for 12 years, married for 10....Stone and Kiwi began their friendship February 2015, which blossomed into an emotional affair. The entire thing, including my role, was kept hidden and discreet from Ocean...as far as he knew, we were all simply close friends with Kiwi.
I'd like to stop and add that I do not condone discretion and have since apologized for my wrong doings.
Around the time I started posting on here, Kiwi had officially decided to move out of her home and separate from Ocean....she was set to move out October 1st, 2015. On August 20th, Kiwi was going to a beach concert with Ocean and invited Stone and I to join....again, at the time, Ocean only knew of us being close friends and Kiwi had invited us because she didnt want to be alone with Ocean on a date......
As the evening progressed, Kiwi became uncomfortable when Ocean started getting tipsy and clinging to her and so I decided (on my own) to keep him distracted and away from her.. probably not one of my best choices I've made in my life but you learn from your past experiences right? I ended up actually having a lot of fun with Ocean, much to my surprise, it was not my intention at all......I definitely felt a strong connection and remember wishing circumstances were different. We separated from Kiwi and Stone a few times, and Ocean was always asking where they were and if I trusted them. A lot happened that night, nothing physical or emotional but just too much to explain....
Anyhow, the point I bring it up however, is that after the evening, the connection I had with him always stayed buried deep down in the back of my mind......
Back to reality, Stone and I was in the midst of figuring us out and the whole V thing....and then Kiwi moved out of her home and into her new apartment....and then one of the nights Stone stayed over her apartment, Ocean showed up and "caught" them.....
A lot of the back story between then and February can be found in my posts....But this one is about Ocean.....and during that ENTIRE time, Ocean and I never talked nor reached out to each other not once.
So...as I mentioned briefly in my update, Kiwi and I forged a new closer friendship starting in February....we were best friends and went through ALL the emotions together....we both looked passed what each other represented in each others lives and tried working thru differences....we supported each other emotionally, even when it was hard to hear what the other was feeling towards sensitive subjects....
Now, around March and from then forward....I started having dreams of Ocean....all kinds.... and as I had them, I would share them with her....I shared my feelings about the beach concert....and she told me how she felt as well....I confessed to her that with the dreams I was starting to have and with bits and pieces of what she would tell me of Ocean, that I was beginning to develop a crush on him. I wanted to be honest with her and not hide it....and they were still off and on so I didnt pursue anything either....But she knew of my crush and as the months progressed onward, it never died down.....and she was the only one to know of it....the whole time, she expressed to me that she was okay with it, because she wasn't in love with him anymore. And she ultimately wanted him to be happy. A few times she even entertained the idea that Ocean and I were compatible....we would have conversations about how it was so weird that we both liked each others exes (or rather soon to be exes).....
Mind you, this wasn't always a topic of conversation non-stop or daily....just off and on, here and there, as the months progressed....
Then came June, when I officially filed for divorce....I had Ocean's number because Kiwi had given it to me before, tho I never used it. I ended up writing out a long text addressed to Kiwi and Ocean, mostly apologizing for my role in the past year.....I sent it to them both....and talked to Kiwi about it in private but never heard from Ocean.....at that time, Kiwi and Ocean were "on" again....and she would express to me how she felt it just wasn't working and never would.....
Then came July....Kiwi broke things off with Ocean again and started hanging with Stone once again as well.....Ocean decided to reach out to me....after almost a year of not talking to me at all.....in his text, he had a lot of questions, but mostly just wanted to understand how I could be friends with Kiwi, knowing she was with Stone, and be okay with that too, AND be okay with it knowing how much he has hurt not only me, but her as well.....
A few responses were sent back and forth....Kiwi was made aware as well. And then that was that.
On July 13th....an opportunity presented itself..... A few days beforehand, I asked Kiwi if she was absolutely sure she was going to file for divorce and she said yes. That day she told me Ocean had stopped by her apartment and asked her a few questions and she was honest with him, and that she thought it hurt his feelings, he left upset.
That night, I told her I was going to message Ocean...and she was okay and told me to keep her in the loop. I ended up asking if he wanted to grab a drink, and to my surprise he said okay. I messaged Kiwi right away to let her know...it was late, so I got no response.
Maybe it was wrong of me? who knows.....BUT, at this point, I felt like i had been honest all along.....I hadn't gone behind her back and reached out to him....we hadn't talked in over a year....and I was curious to see if I had just made up the crush all in my head and if i just imagined there was a connection....i wanted to find out if it was real or not. we were all separated getting divorces....yes nothing was official yet but....idk.... it didnt feel like I was making a poor choice in going to meet up with him.
The connection was real. And I found out he liked me too.
And then the night was ruined. Kiwi called me, flipping out....acting as though I betrayed her....that I was out having drinks with her still legal husband....and just throwing everything at me that she could think of.....I was taken aback....I felt like I was the one betrayed, because she had made me believe she would be okay with it for months.....
The next few days was spent talking back and forth about the situation....Kiwi decided she wouldnt have reacted the way she had if she wasn't in love with Ocean and so she decided she wanted to work on her marriage if he would give her another chance.....I ended my friendship with her....I understood where she was coming from, but i knew now that what i had felt towards Ocean before was something real and it was hard to continue a friendship knowing she would be trying again to repair her marriage to him.....AFTER everything that happened in the last year and a half....maybe it was selfish of me but i just couldnt stand by her thru it....
Ocean and I talked a lot for two weeks because he was at the point where he didnt want to work on his marriage...he told both me and Kiwi that that was the reason he agreed to meet up with me, because he had made that decision not to work on his marriage after visiting her apartment and her telling him what she said....however, at the end of those two weeks, we decided that he needed to figure out what he wanted for sure....that I was already in the midst of my divorce, but him and Kiwi hadn't even filed yet....we knew the connection between us was real....but I didnt want him to choose to get divorced just because of me....i mean, no one was spewing out the term commitment or love or anything....we just felt something and who even knew what that meant, right? you can't throw away 12 years over just a strong connection...not if you think theres a chance to save your marriage.....and he seemed so sure that he had reached his limit, just as I had....but who knows....
it'll be a month this wednesday since I've talked to him.... 5 weeks since I've last talked to Kiwi..... I have no idea how they are or if he's changed his mind.... Stone has no clue as to my crush on him or that we were talking....just that something happpend between him and I that caused Kiwi to cut herself out of his life and try to work on her marriage with him....she's literally changed her number, made security turn him away when he's tried going to her work.....told mutual friends that she never loved him, that she only was in love with Ocean and wanted to prove herself trustworthy to him again.
last i heard, though who knows if its true or not, she is planning to move back in with him.
And that is the story of Ocean.
It literally is hard going thru each day, wondering if I will ever get a chance to talk or date him or anything with him ever again.......but everything happens for a reason....and if anything comes out of it, I know this much.....he has set the bar for the kind of connection I'm looking for....I have a lot to sort out in my life....a lot to figure out....and I am not looking for love or making it a priority right now, especially because I need to heal from my divorce.....
but a connection like I have with him? yes...give me that any day....i wont accept anything less.
Til next time folks. Hope you all are well.
Hello again.
For this journal entry, I want to talk about Ocean.
Ocean is Kiwi's husband. If you go back to my original thread on here last August I mentioned that Kiwi was married with three children and unhappy with her marriage. She has been with Ocean for 12 years, married for 10....Stone and Kiwi began their friendship February 2015, which blossomed into an emotional affair. The entire thing, including my role, was kept hidden and discreet from Ocean...as far as he knew, we were all simply close friends with Kiwi.
I'd like to stop and add that I do not condone discretion and have since apologized for my wrong doings.
Around the time I started posting on here, Kiwi had officially decided to move out of her home and separate from Ocean....she was set to move out October 1st, 2015. On August 20th, Kiwi was going to a beach concert with Ocean and invited Stone and I to join....again, at the time, Ocean only knew of us being close friends and Kiwi had invited us because she didnt want to be alone with Ocean on a date......
As the evening progressed, Kiwi became uncomfortable when Ocean started getting tipsy and clinging to her and so I decided (on my own) to keep him distracted and away from her.. probably not one of my best choices I've made in my life but you learn from your past experiences right? I ended up actually having a lot of fun with Ocean, much to my surprise, it was not my intention at all......I definitely felt a strong connection and remember wishing circumstances were different. We separated from Kiwi and Stone a few times, and Ocean was always asking where they were and if I trusted them. A lot happened that night, nothing physical or emotional but just too much to explain....
Anyhow, the point I bring it up however, is that after the evening, the connection I had with him always stayed buried deep down in the back of my mind......
Back to reality, Stone and I was in the midst of figuring us out and the whole V thing....and then Kiwi moved out of her home and into her new apartment....and then one of the nights Stone stayed over her apartment, Ocean showed up and "caught" them.....
A lot of the back story between then and February can be found in my posts....But this one is about Ocean.....and during that ENTIRE time, Ocean and I never talked nor reached out to each other not once.
So...as I mentioned briefly in my update, Kiwi and I forged a new closer friendship starting in February....we were best friends and went through ALL the emotions together....we both looked passed what each other represented in each others lives and tried working thru differences....we supported each other emotionally, even when it was hard to hear what the other was feeling towards sensitive subjects....
Now, around March and from then forward....I started having dreams of Ocean....all kinds.... and as I had them, I would share them with her....I shared my feelings about the beach concert....and she told me how she felt as well....I confessed to her that with the dreams I was starting to have and with bits and pieces of what she would tell me of Ocean, that I was beginning to develop a crush on him. I wanted to be honest with her and not hide it....and they were still off and on so I didnt pursue anything either....But she knew of my crush and as the months progressed onward, it never died down.....and she was the only one to know of it....the whole time, she expressed to me that she was okay with it, because she wasn't in love with him anymore. And she ultimately wanted him to be happy. A few times she even entertained the idea that Ocean and I were compatible....we would have conversations about how it was so weird that we both liked each others exes (or rather soon to be exes).....
Mind you, this wasn't always a topic of conversation non-stop or daily....just off and on, here and there, as the months progressed....
Then came June, when I officially filed for divorce....I had Ocean's number because Kiwi had given it to me before, tho I never used it. I ended up writing out a long text addressed to Kiwi and Ocean, mostly apologizing for my role in the past year.....I sent it to them both....and talked to Kiwi about it in private but never heard from Ocean.....at that time, Kiwi and Ocean were "on" again....and she would express to me how she felt it just wasn't working and never would.....
Then came July....Kiwi broke things off with Ocean again and started hanging with Stone once again as well.....Ocean decided to reach out to me....after almost a year of not talking to me at all.....in his text, he had a lot of questions, but mostly just wanted to understand how I could be friends with Kiwi, knowing she was with Stone, and be okay with that too, AND be okay with it knowing how much he has hurt not only me, but her as well.....
A few responses were sent back and forth....Kiwi was made aware as well. And then that was that.
On July 13th....an opportunity presented itself..... A few days beforehand, I asked Kiwi if she was absolutely sure she was going to file for divorce and she said yes. That day she told me Ocean had stopped by her apartment and asked her a few questions and she was honest with him, and that she thought it hurt his feelings, he left upset.
That night, I told her I was going to message Ocean...and she was okay and told me to keep her in the loop. I ended up asking if he wanted to grab a drink, and to my surprise he said okay. I messaged Kiwi right away to let her know...it was late, so I got no response.
Maybe it was wrong of me? who knows.....BUT, at this point, I felt like i had been honest all along.....I hadn't gone behind her back and reached out to him....we hadn't talked in over a year....and I was curious to see if I had just made up the crush all in my head and if i just imagined there was a connection....i wanted to find out if it was real or not. we were all separated getting divorces....yes nothing was official yet but....idk.... it didnt feel like I was making a poor choice in going to meet up with him.
The connection was real. And I found out he liked me too.
And then the night was ruined. Kiwi called me, flipping out....acting as though I betrayed her....that I was out having drinks with her still legal husband....and just throwing everything at me that she could think of.....I was taken aback....I felt like I was the one betrayed, because she had made me believe she would be okay with it for months.....
The next few days was spent talking back and forth about the situation....Kiwi decided she wouldnt have reacted the way she had if she wasn't in love with Ocean and so she decided she wanted to work on her marriage if he would give her another chance.....I ended my friendship with her....I understood where she was coming from, but i knew now that what i had felt towards Ocean before was something real and it was hard to continue a friendship knowing she would be trying again to repair her marriage to him.....AFTER everything that happened in the last year and a half....maybe it was selfish of me but i just couldnt stand by her thru it....
Ocean and I talked a lot for two weeks because he was at the point where he didnt want to work on his marriage...he told both me and Kiwi that that was the reason he agreed to meet up with me, because he had made that decision not to work on his marriage after visiting her apartment and her telling him what she said....however, at the end of those two weeks, we decided that he needed to figure out what he wanted for sure....that I was already in the midst of my divorce, but him and Kiwi hadn't even filed yet....we knew the connection between us was real....but I didnt want him to choose to get divorced just because of me....i mean, no one was spewing out the term commitment or love or anything....we just felt something and who even knew what that meant, right? you can't throw away 12 years over just a strong connection...not if you think theres a chance to save your marriage.....and he seemed so sure that he had reached his limit, just as I had....but who knows....
it'll be a month this wednesday since I've talked to him.... 5 weeks since I've last talked to Kiwi..... I have no idea how they are or if he's changed his mind.... Stone has no clue as to my crush on him or that we were talking....just that something happpend between him and I that caused Kiwi to cut herself out of his life and try to work on her marriage with him....she's literally changed her number, made security turn him away when he's tried going to her work.....told mutual friends that she never loved him, that she only was in love with Ocean and wanted to prove herself trustworthy to him again.
last i heard, though who knows if its true or not, she is planning to move back in with him.
And that is the story of Ocean.
It literally is hard going thru each day, wondering if I will ever get a chance to talk or date him or anything with him ever again.......but everything happens for a reason....and if anything comes out of it, I know this much.....he has set the bar for the kind of connection I'm looking for....I have a lot to sort out in my life....a lot to figure out....and I am not looking for love or making it a priority right now, especially because I need to heal from my divorce.....
but a connection like I have with him? yes...give me that any day....i wont accept anything less.
Til next time folks. Hope you all are well.
powerpuffgrl1969
Active member
Ocean = drama. You need a clean start. Love and relationships really AREN'T supposed to be so tumultuous ALL THE TIME. Unless that's what you really want.
New2This3
New member
I didn't go into describing him or our connection in too much detail but quite honestly I think he isn't drama.... I think the drama has stemmed from both Kiwi and Stone and their indecisiveness, poor choices, etc.
Maybe I'm viewing things one sided, I'm not sure.
I do however think I would be asking for drama if I tried to pursue him or if he tried pursuing me at the present moment...
Which is why we just stopped things before they really even began...
If circumstances should change in the future.... Whether a year or five or ten, maybe the timing will be right then.
At least that ^^ is what I keep telling myself, that the timing is off now, no matter how much I like him, and that this is the right way to go... Given how crazy everything had gotten along the way.