how do you decide on frequency of getting tested?

S

StarCircuits

New member
Hi folks,
32 y.o. poly guy here, been dating a woman (O) in a poly marriage for about 8 months. i haven't dated anyone else outside of that really, just the odd fling here and there. general behavior rules that myself, O, and husband have all agreed to: use protection (though not for oral sex), talk to new partners about their testing status (how many partners since last tested), and get tested frequently ourselves. none of us really sleep with that many people, so it has always been fairly easy to keep track of testing status.
i recently started seeing a woman about 3 weeks ago (she is new to poly), and she's had 5-6 new partners since we started seeing each other. So, I realized we need to more clearly define what 'regular testing' really means, because this feels like a bit much to keep track of.

What about all of you? anyone else out there with a similar set of safety agreements? what's acceptable risk level for you, and how do you determine frequency of testing?
Also, if someone has 5-6 new partners in a matter of a few weeks, tests don't really keep up with activity, given most sti incubation periods?

final question... am i being ridiculous trying to keep a lid on these things, or is this just acceptable risk?
 
I'm an advocate of regular testing. I'm tested every 6-12 months, more frequently if I have symptoms. I had a period of frequent UTIs and yeast infections....during that year, I was tested 5 times (always negative.)

Early detection is the key to optimizing treatment, preventing complications (like infertility), and reducing the spread of STIs. I read an article recently about life expectancy for 20 yr olds newly diagnosed with HIV....with proper treatment, life expectancy rates are well into the 50s, 60s, and 70s. Gay men have the highest life expectancy, likely due to the fact that, as a group, they test more frequently and regularly than other groups, and, therefore, start treatment earlier.
 
Well, your new "partner" has had 5-6 new sexual partners in the past three weeks.

Seems like that partner should be getting tested on a regular basis. Like at least once a week, IMNSHO.

If that partner is NOT being tested on a regular basis -- monthly? semiannually? every February 29? -- then YOU have a choice to make: either end that relationship, or start getting YOURSELF tested on a regular basis -- like maybe once a week! -- because you are directly responsible for the well-being of your other partners.

It doesn't have to be anything dire to cause big problems. Like, crabs have no respect for condoms.
 
nycindie said:
Have you done a search? There are quite a number of existing threads where people share their safer sex protocols. Click on some of the tags I added to your thread and you will find a few very informative discussions.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the responses. I did try a search but I think my phone's age might have let me down, not the forum server:p appreciate the links.
 
Hi StarCircuits,

I am in a closed/poly-fi V, so, we haven't felt the need to get tested. And I am not an expert on the subject of STI's, so I don't know what to tell you. Once a month? Twice a year? Somewhere in that approximate range?

5-6 partners in three weeks sounds like a lot ... does your new partner use protection? although, no protection is absolute.

Sorry I couldn't give you a lot of information. Actually, the thing to do here might be to look up "STI" on Wikipedia, and go from there.

Respects/regards,
Kevin T.
 
StarCircuits said:
am i being ridiculous trying to keep a lid on these things, or is this just acceptable risk?
Click to expand...

I'd advise you to focus on YOUR sexual health and not try to tell your partners how frequently they should be getting tested. Unless asked for your thoughts, this can easily come off as judgmental and shaming, especially to a woman. Your partner is upfront about her activity, so get yourself tested as often as you need to feel safe about being with her. Your partner is very sexually active, so that means you are, too, but given the incubation periods of many STIs, more frequently than every six months is kind of a waste of $$.
 
FallenAngelina said:
I'd advise you to ... not try to tell your partners how frequently they should be getting tested.
Click to expand...
:confused:I clearly missed that part.

And before anyone brings it up: saying "hmm..." about the most sexually active members of an intimate network is NOT automatically "sex negative" or whatever term is en vogue. My concern would be a matter of sheer numeric probability, nothing more.

(I knew a net like described. Almost predictably, the one who brought gonorrhea into the chain was NOT the "active" woman, but the "mono" guy.:rolleyes: Sorta like nailing all the windows shut & leaving the doors wide open, eh?)
 
My two boys and I are in a closed V. We have been fluent bonded the last 2 years. Before becoming fluid bonded, we used condoms exept for oral sex, and all took HIV and other STD tests. I also started on the IUD before we got fluid bonded since we did not want kids right away. Neighter of us have other sexual partners, so there is no need for frequent testing. I will however get automatically tested every 3rd year as part as the state program I signed up for.

If you or your network have several partners in a short time I understand the suggestion is to test (everyone) twice a year.

ps not only STDs are sexually transmittable, last year all of us had to go on a cure for the yeast infection I got after taking antibiotics for the flu. Not the most sexy moment in history, but such is life when "caring and sharing".
 
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