Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

Love that hair color. It's very similar to Cat's.

If your brother has a license he will be insured through the rental place. Labor isn't too hard to find. There are guys with moving experience who work for cash. They are literally everywhere. I hire them all the time because I am a mover. Try the local uhaul. If they don't have someone try any of the bigger agents like Allied, United, North American, Mayflower, etc. Tell them you are looking for a helper. They get from 15-20 bucks an hour.
 
Thanks everyone. I have been thinking long and hard about what the best course of action might be. I called my sister last night to talk to her about it, and she is actually no longer able to even take my brother to go pick up the rental truck - she has found out that her place of employment is closing and that is the last day they will be open. And as a manager, she has to be there. They are firing lots of people, but she is able to be transferred. It's still super stressful.

She was very dismissive of my mom's needs, still. She was like, "If you're worried, you can pay someone to move her. I don't care anymore." Which is all well and good, but that leaves me in the lurch. Pisses me off, though I understand the sentiment. We were out $2000 last time we had to move my parents. At the same time, my mom is still a new widow, moving out of an extremely abusive situation, and she has a severe anxiety disorder.

DarkKnight is not excited at going to help. He is willing, but not enthusiastic. I told him we could discuss it more when he returns home this weekend.
 
I am currently in the waiting room, as today is my dental implant. I feel like I have been planning this forever. I am freaked out and anxious - scared that something will go wrong. The likelihood is small, but I am still worried.

I just paid the first $750. Yay?

I also am on my period as of this morning. Of course.

Today is the last pill for my ringworm. There has been some improvement, but I am still covered. I called my doctor's office and told them look, give me a new medication or a referral to a dermatologist.
 
Ok...

The dermatologist actually got me in to see him this morning. He doesn't believe I have ringworm. He thinks it may be a virus, possibly Pityriasis Rosea. Which, I have to say, I have never heard of, but whatever. He says my doctor has done everything correctly, but since it's not exactly a common thing, he isn't surprised I've been struggling with medications that work. So, I had a biopsy done on one of the spots on my back, and the dermatologist will call me by next Tuesday with the results. He said there are a couple of other things that it may be, but he's fairly certain it isn't ringworm.

Since I finished the prescription my doctor gave me yesterday, the dermatologist says that whatever the issue is, if it IS fungal, then that medicine will be in my bloodstream at least for another week. So, he isn't going to give me any other scripts. Plus, I'm on amoxicillin now for my dental surgery yesterday, so he thinks I should be good until he gets the lab results back. He says to go ahead and continue using the steroid cream as needed, and to go back to my daily routine of moisturizing after I shower - I had stopped that because I didn't think it'd be a great idea to rub lotion into the sores. But he says it'll be ok. Shrugs.
 
Dental surgery update:

Seriously, kill me now. As always, I am having a terrible reaction to the Tylenol3. I vomited 3 times in the shower this morning, fucking lovely. I canceled my Chemistry class - even though I spent time prepping for it last night - but I HAD to go to the dermatologist, so I threw on some clothes and my daughter drove me.

I am so dizzy now. Ugh.

The pain from this surgery is awful. I was numb all during it, but once that wore off - fuck a duck! Holy crap y'all. There's no pain like this. I'm a baby when it comes to pain, but this is craycray. Basically, they drilled down into my jawbone and used a mallet to bang in a post, then sewed it under my gums. Then, the surgeon did some sewing with the tissue issue I had been having with the adjacent tooth - the one where the root was all exposed? He lasered off the attachment of the gum to the lip, and then pulled up the gum tissue and sewed it over where it should have been. He actually said that it probably wouldn't work, but if I even saw a little improvement it would be worth it. I will have to schedule a more invasive tissue graft later this year, but him messing with it now won't have a negative effect for then, so he figured he'd do what he could since everything was numbed up anyway.

I love this guy - he didn't charge me extra or anything, even though it took an additional amount of time. I was crying (quietly, not like, ugly crying) when I went in, and honestly, I should have taken the Xanax they mentioned. However, the office never actually called it over, so I just had to be all anxious and suck it up. Anyway, the oral surgeon was awesome and did everything to calm me down and help me get through it.

I have to go back in a week to have the stitches all pulled out, and then return again in a month to have a check up. Then, a month after that, they will take the impression for the crown, and then two weeks after that, the crown is put on. Then, in July, I can finally have a cleaning. lol So the process will take a while, but they have to let the bone grow around the post.

Did I mention the pain? Holy fuck, I have never, ever felt anything like this. My face hurts so bad! Oh, and this process comes with a one-page special diet I have to follow for a month. Pretty much a liquidy diet for a weak, and then soft foods following, for the next 3 weeks. No soda or acidic juices, just water and apple juice.
 
Have you ever tried Arnica pills for dental work? I used to use it for myself and my kids when we had orthodonture and had teeth pulled, etc. It's great for tissue bruising. It aids in healing and also gives pain relief. Look for it in a natural foods store that has a homeopathy section. My dentist had a patient or two that used it besides us, and he was always amazed at our quick healing and no need for narcotic pain relief.

I think of you often with your skin condition, Bluebird! I hope the dermo figures it out and finds the right meds for you, you've been suffering and feeling ugly for ages! miss pixi showed me a spot on her leg last night that looks like it might be fungal! Arggh! I thought of you and freaked out a little.

That is a tough situation about your needy mother and her move. It's like you're the parent.
 
Oh, Mags' post just reminded me about Gly-Oxide, which I found out about when I had a really loose molar that was killing me a few months ago. Maybe you already know about it?

It's a gentle antiseptic mouth rinse that foams up a little and helps the pain. Sold in big chain drugstores (and probably Amazon and Drustore.com); you put a few drops in your mouth and swish it around, let it foam up, then spit it out. When I finally went to the dentist to have my tooth pulled, I asked him about the Gly-Oxide and he said dentists used to prescribe it but now it's over the counter. He also said that he could not believe how I was walking around with a molar that was so loose it was about to fall out (all he practically had to do was tap it and it popped out, his assistant told me), but he acknowledged that I was really taking care of my mouth well because I was using the Gly-Oxide.
 
I've not heard of any of that stuff. I stopped taking the Tylenol 3 because there is nothing worse than feeling nauseous all the time. I stepped down to taking 600 mg of ibuprofen and so far, so good. The Invisalign retainer actually covers all the sutures, so I'm not accidentally bumping things, so life has improved greatly!

Just in time too - PunkRock and I are leaving this afternoon for 1d4 con. We signed up to play a game tonight and then we are sleeping over in a hotel nearby. Then, a game tomorrow morning at 9 am, and hopefully there will be some WarMachine action available in the afternoon. We'll see!

DarkKnight is on his way home to me now - I hope he makes it here before we leave! That said, his bedroom is a mess so after I finish writing this, I'm going to go make his bed, put away his clean laundry and vacuum in there so he arrives and doesn't have to do much. He has a show tonight at the dinner theater, so he will be tired enough as it is!

WarMan will also be coming home today, but I definitely won't see him until tomorrow night. His flight arrives around 7 pm, and then tomorrow is his hangout time with Monkey. I think we are going to have a sleepover tomorrow night though, so we will get some time together. Unfortunately, he has to go back to Memphis next Wednesday. He wanted me to come with him, but since I missed class yesterday, I really can't cancel on my kiddos again.
 
I have been pretty out of sorts but also fairly busy, so I haven't been able to update. I've never had to experience being away from two of my guys at the same time, while experiencing a disfiguring skin disease, being unable to have penetrative sex for like a month and a half now, only the most painful dental surgery I've ever had, and my period, all at the same time.

Seriously, I am out of sorts. Thank freaking goodness I have PunkRock. He was so incredibly awesomesauce in helping me through all of this.

I was out of sorts a bit with DarkKnight when he returned, but he was his usual affable self, so I did fairly well with reconnecting once he returned. Plus, you know, I'm used to him leaving and coming back. But WarMan...it was a lot harder. And still is. I wish I had time to write about it now, but I don't. I promise to update here soon.
 
Still playing catch up here. Today I am hosting 2 students who came in for extra help in Chemistry. I didn't really have a choice - they both definitely need assistance, and I figured I could set them to work and do my own thing at the same time. So, that's what is going on at the moment. Actually, one only need some clarification with math (molality and molarity) and now she's leaving. :) The other kiddo will be here quite a while!

WarMan just left for time at Monkey's house. I think I posted earlier that Monkey quit her job now that her husband has a temp gig doing fill-in work for other doctors. Apparently, they decided to take some of the money they now have and buy WarMan a new gaming computer. I was gobsmacked, to say the least, when he told me this. I am really very happy that they recognize they owe him big time, and want to show appreciation. However, hello! They were seriously about to get divorced because they had zero savings, were in danger of losing their house and are still in debt over their eyeballs. It is INSANELY irresponsible for them to buy WarMan a new computer. He feels the same way, but they were insistent. I told him, well, my opinion doesn't matter, and I am not going to go preach at someone about how to spend their money, but holy shit, that is dumb. Anyway, WarMan is at Monkey's house this afternoon and tonight, to finish up work and build his new computer, since the components are arriving.

So, yeah, that's today.

Oh good news! I just got a call from my dermatologist and I definitely don't have ringworm, and I'm not contagious. That's awesome, though I am hella pissed that I took that medicine that I didn't need and that I was allergic to, and then haven't had sex in a couple of months FOR NO REASON. Well, yes, the reason was we thought it was something else, but fuck. All my guys are excited as all get out, as am I. I can't wait to fuck with wild and crazy abandon. LOL DarkKnight gets off work in 4 minutes and I hope he is as needy as I am at this moment. heh

That said, I am still covered in spots, in various stages of shrinking and fading. My torso is NOT ATTRACTIVE in the least. At this point, I don't give a fuck though. Just don't look there, I guess. Apparently it should all fade away within the next couple of weeks to months - what I have is called pityriasis rosea. The herald patch was the spot on the side of my knee, way back when. It's not a fungus, or a bacteria or an allergic reaction. It's weird. Anyway, they have no idea what causes it. All I know is that it first appeared a couple days after I got back from New Mexico. *shrugs*It's not harmful, and it should disappear completely. If I have any more itching, I just need to use the steroid cream.
 
I know, right?! :)

One of the very best things about poly, to me, is the dynamic I have with my husbands, I am able to draw strength from them, and return that to them - we compliment each other and build each other up. I feel like whenever I am down, or there is something dramatic going on, I can trust them to be there for me. I feel like we are a team. Not just the poly sense of that word, though that is true as well, but the sense that DarkKnight and I are together and it's us against the world. And that PunkRock and I are together, and it's us against the world. It just so happens that the two of them are also able to work together to give me an extra oomph when needed - they recognize that they can lean on each other to give me what I need without burning themselves out. And, I can lean on DarkKnight, and together we can help PunkRock. And, I can lean on PunkRock, and together we can help DarkKnight. It's an awesome dynamic. I guess, when I write that, I am understanding that this is what family means to me. I never had that growing up, and now that I am actually living and experiencing it, I can understand why it is so precious. My polycule is definitely precious to me.

Will write more later.

I don't feel very secure with WarMan, still. Some times I do, some times I don't. When I was having issues with my skin disease, he put the lotion on me almost every night. I only let my husbands do that once each, and then I couldn't stand it. I didn't like it when WarMan was doing it either, but I trusted him for that, I did. I haven't had time to write all the awesome things he's done for me lately - when I was leaving to go to 1d4 con with PunkRock, like literally, walking out the door, and I hadn't seen WarMan in like a week, I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered to me in the driveway. I mean, he's awesome, really. But then, he has these times when he is completely down on me. Last night, I swear he was trying to get me to break up with him. He kept telling me he wasn't good enough, he was stressed out, that I deserve someone who isn't hurting all the time. I am never quite sure what to say to that. I mean, what? He told me that all the scheduling gives him anxiety, and he feels like he's not making anyone happy, that I'm unhappy. I had to speak up then - because lately, I have been ok with the schedule that we have. I haven't had any complaints as far as that goes. I mean, it could use some tweaking, but everything is kind of chaotic at the moment. Yes, it sucks that both of us have been traveling a lot and so haven't had a lot of time together, but he didn't mean that - he meant spreading time between me, Monkey and his hobbies. I told him, that's part of being poly. I am ok at the moment, so if someone else isn't he needs to work that out.

Insert a million billion sighs here.

I think some of my insecurity with our relationship also stems from him not connecting with my love languages. I haven't had the ability to get physical, and I was SO very excited to finally be able to have sex and snuggle up close last night. He messaged me earlier in the day that he was looking forward to this too. Only, when he got home, he was having issues with his back, and he was upset with Monkey, or he was worried that she was having issues - I don't know. Anyway, I could tell he didn't want to have sex with me, and that left me feeling pretty shitty. He told me that he had taken a pill though, so he was going to do it. And we did, but afterward I was still needed reassurance, and I asked him to please tell me that he loved me, and that I needed a compliment from him. He told me he was sorry he was hurting, and then went off about what I posted earlier. I told him, again, that I just needed to hear some reassurance that we are good and he said that he can't do that all the time, that there was nothing left in him to give to me.

So that was pretty shitty. I tried to be ok with that answer and just let things go, and went to sleep. Like, he has made the commitment to move in with me and my guys, and he is switching over his health care, and crap like that. He's not signalling that he's looking to bail. But at the same time, I just do not feel like he is actively building a future with me. It's more like he is biding time - I'm an experiment that he KNOWS isn't going to work out, and he's looking for reasons why it isn't. It is really difficult to manage my insecurity when the person I am partnered with is determined that everything is going to fail eventually. I don't feel like it's going to crash and burn, myself. Most of the time I'm optimistic and glad WarMan is in my life. I worry about him an awful lot, and I love him bunches.

I haven't had a therapy appointment in a while, so I am going to call tomorrow and get one scheduled. I am also going to focus on the positive aspects of things, and of those, there are many.
 
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OMG! I can't breathe!

I received an envelope today that had two copies of official paperwork, approving my name change! I am now legally Bluebird Awesomesauce Knight. Lolololol Holy crap, I seriously did it. This means so much to me!!!!
 
That is brilliant! Well done. Name changes are fun.
 
Just so there is no confusion, you can insert PunkRock and Dark's real last names after my real first name. :) My name really isn't Bluebird. Lolololol

I still feel a little bit shocked that this is finished and I did it.

The weird thing is that the court gave me a paper so I can get my birth certificate changed, but I don't think I will be doing that. That would be weird. I understand why they give the paperwork, but it would just be silly in this case. WarMan was telling me that I am going to be a genealogist's nightmare already anyway. He's right, only I am fairly certain no one will be looking me up, as my kids are adopted. Though, I must say some of the most crazy people in my own family tree are aunts and uncles, so maybe generations from now someone will be like, holy crap, my great great great aunt was a fucking badass. Or, insane. Are those mutually exclusive? Lol

I am up early. I had a sleepover with DarkKnight and two of our cats woke us up for breakfast at almost 5 am. This was weird because, yep, sure enough PunkRock was snoring away (he is supposed to be up at 4 and off to work, and he always feeds the cats then). So I woke him up and got him out the door. I don't think he was appreciative. Lol He said he had hit the snooze button too many times - his cat had woken him at 1 am for treats and he worked a double shift for the overtime yesterday, so he was really tired.

I have had so much to do lately myself that I haven't been keeping up very well here. I miss writing in my journal - it's very cathartic. It's like I am talking to a friend. Speaking of which, I've been cutting out huge swaths of activities lately. I dropped out of my D&D group on Sundays. DarkKnight is still going, but I was growing weary of this particular DM and his girlfriend. When I realized every Sunday, that I wanted to go do something else, that I needed to drop out. It looks like PunkRock and I might start attending a Call of Cthulu game on Saturdays now, but the group is just forming, so we will have to see. I invited WarMan to join too, but he doesn't want to mess with his schedule with Monkey to make it work. I understand that, and it doesn't bother me. Though he told me yesterday that his every-other-Thursday D&D game is not one he really enjoys; he's just doing it to make Monkey happy. Apparently he doesn't play - he runs the combat portions when he is there. I sort of understand why he would do that, but I can't fathom it myself. I don't have time to be doing shit I don't enjoy, just to make others feel happy. *shrugs*

I haven't been out to play trivia again with my friends in a while, though they are trying to get something together on a regular basis again on Saturday nights. I am not sure about it. I miss trivia - and I want to play - but I don't like the location or the timing. Saturdays are not good because I am out of town a lot on weekends. I have talked to all 3 of my guys about forming our own team just for the summer session, and I believe I would be happy with that. But it wouldn't be on Saturdays!

I've been awful wishywashy with my last remaining book club too. I was in 3, when I first met PunkRock. Now I can't seem to find time to read at all, especially since I have been sucked into Fallout 3. Oh man, video games are such a time suck for me lately! I did buy and manage to get halfway through this month's book selection, but maybe I will finish it today.

I have also been cracking out on Game of Thrones with my youngest daughter, as the new season is starting soon and she's not seen all the episodes. I have, but it's been fun re-watching them. Her biggest reaction was to the fight between the Mountain and Prince Oberyn. That was entertaining to see her freak a bit!

Right now I think I might go to NY to see my mom on Mother's Day and teach her how to use the iPad we are giving her. It will just be Saturday through Monday though. My husband DarkKnight would go with me, but he's working out maybe seeing his mom Saturday morning before we leave.

The WarMachine Sunday evening thing we were all doing is over and though there has been talk of a Journeyman league, I am out for a bit. The new update is out at the end of June and I will join a league then. I actually have been itching to play some more but I can't commit to a league right now.

Oh, tiredness is finally taking over. Peace out.
 
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Spent the morning and afternoon today with DarkKnight - we sorted through his closet and dresser, made a list of stuff he needed replaced, then went out and bought those things. Luckily, a lot of it was on sale at JCPenney, so he got two tshirts, 2 pairs of shorts and a pair of jeans for just under $100. He was happy because the shirts were Star Wars and Green Lantern themed. :) After shopping, we went to Sonic and got drinks - he had his signature diet cherry limeade and I had a strawberry slush.

In a few minutes I am going to go wake up PunkRock, who needs to go out and get some new work boots. We've been actually looking for a pair for a while, but we haven't been able to find any locally. We're going to do a sweep of the stores in and around the mall tonight, and maybe do dinner out. It's difficult though, as I am still on my liquid diet. It's been upgraded to a soft food diet, but it still fucking sucks. lol I need a cheeseburger. Seriously.
 
Sorry about your diet because of your mouth issues, BB. But I hope you've been having lots of sex with all your guys now that the skin issue has finally been diagnosed. You've had such a drought!
 
Oh, I wish that were true! DarkKnight is back on board for his once-a-week, but WarMan has been emotional and never seems to be in the mood. The last few days he's been suffering from a stomach bug as well, so sex has been the last thing on his mind. PunkRock and I have been unable to connect due to scheduling - he'll be willing, but I'm unavailable and vice versa.

WarMan actually said those words to me last night - you know, the ones I always eventually hear from a guy I'm with: Maybe you should talk to your therapist or someone about sex.

Yep - high libido here. Thanks for making me feel shitty about myself. It would be hilarious if it didn't make me die inside every time I hear that. I'm just horny. He tried to say it was that I equate having sex with love, but I stopped that pretty quick. I can have sex without love - there's a line there for me. Yes, if I am not having sex with those I DO love, it upsets me. I don't believe that's abnormal.

But yeah, it's been 2 days since I've had sex. I think that sucks.

Things have been busy though. Chemistry class has been taking up a lot of my time outside of its regularly scheduled boundaries, as today is the last day of the first semester. Hard to believe, but we are 12 weeks in to it. 13 more to go! I am still thinking I will teach Astronomy again in the Fall, as a one semester offering. That may very well be my last homeschool high school level class though - who knows what will happen when we move! I have been thinking about switching things up and just host day camps during school breaks for public school kids. Or after school type programs. Especially if we move to an area that is depressed economically - I feel confident I can offer a low cost and fun educational experience for kiddos. It'll depend on the house though, and if I have the space. But I've been mulling that idea over.

I actually saw a building here in town that was in our price range - a 4 apartment unit. Of course, it needed a crap ton of work - it would need to, to fit into our price bracket. Unfortunately, the location was on a main artery with little to no parking out front and the alley was poorly maintained in the back. And it needed a new roof and looked rougher than I would probably be willing to go for. WarMan was down on it too, saying he wanted a place that at least his friends could visit and not be embarrassed about. I just looked at him when he said that. His friends NEVER visit him. Not even Monkey - that was a complaint from the very beginning of our relationship! But whatever. He's been saying things like - well, I guess it doesn't matter - I'll just get my own place close to you, if it's not too far.

I don't think he realizes how that comes across to me - I don't feel like he is on board with a future with me. I told him from the beginning that I was moving away. Initially he was very upfront that he needed to stay in a 2 hour range of Harrisburg for his work, but as time marches on, he seems to be more and more down on even moving a half hour away. And I am more and more certain that that is a distance that won't be happening. I am willing to bend and stay within that two-hour circle, but I can't guarantee anything else.

Lately I have been mulling over the idea of renting again next Spring, in an area that we may consider buying in - especially if we are thinking Cumberland or Lancaster. They're just a distance that I want to make sure we know the neighborhoods. We will see I guess! I plan to pull out our credit reports and finances again in June and see where we are at when it comes to being ready to buy. I've also been thinking - do we really want to shoot for no mortgage in 5 years? That's been the plan now for a while - buy super cheap, dump a ton of money into upgrading and rehabbing so my guys can have a break from paying overhead for the rest of their lives. I mean, I am fairly confident that when we are ready to buy, we could afford a nice place, if we wanted to go that route. I mean, I've had a mortgage before. But they'd then be working up til retirement - and possibly beyond - to pay for it. That's what a lot of people do - buy a nice place and just pay forever. Or buy a nice place, hope pricing increases and then sell it and downsize. I don't know. That seems like such a sucker thing to do. I want to not have to worry about a mortgage, or rent. I want to eliminate that expense within 10 years. 5 years, honestly, but I am willing to build a plan with some safeguards built into it.

Bah! I will worry about it in June.

Right now I have other things going on - DarkKnight and I are going to travel to NY over Mother's Day weekend to bring my mom the iPad we are gifting her. Then the following Sunday, PunkRock and I are going to Hershey Park with my youngest, and we bought a ticket for one of her best friends to come as well. Prom is the day before that - AND I have my daughter's senior pictures scheduled for that morning as well. Later THAT week is my one year wedding anniversary with PunkRock, and we will be taking a trip that weekend to the insane asylum down south.

What else!"? i need to schedule time to now go change my name places. The bank says I need the court paper and a new ID, but social security says the paper and my old ID is fine. I have to go to the social security office anyway next week for my son, so I am thinking Monday for that. I've been trying to do a little bit of yard work every day - Spring cleaning. On Monday we had 8 bags of yard waste picked up, and I have at least that many more that I will be filling up soon. Our biggest kitty, Gus, is due for his yearly check up at the vet, and Stuart is still waiting for oral surgery. Of course, I still have all my appointments for my dental stuff coming up - a check up in two weeks, crown getting done in two weeks after that.

Life!
 
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