Poly Under Stress

Hi, Reverie. I'm sorry life is so stressful at the moment. You have had major life changes and routine changes. It's totally understandable that you would feel stressed out and panicky! I can relate to the work stress. Mine has been unrelenting, too. That, combined with some family/non-Blue stressors, has me feeling similarly panicky, stressed, and borderline depressed. Blue is in major NRE with his new ldr. It's been rough on my anxiety :/ He also had a recent local date....right around the time a major family crisis occurred (date was already planned. ) I seriously considered asking for a break from our relationship because I didn't wish to limit Blue, but likewise, the idea of adjusting to him dating someone local on top of the NRE from ldr, felt like too much to handle. The family crisis passed...kind of, the date fizzled, and Blue and I had some good discussions and did some things to alleviate some of my stress. I'm traveling with Blue to meet my new metamore, I started meditating again....life is feeling manageable again and I'm so thankful I didn't ask for a break.

I think you've received some great advice! I don't have a fourth option for you....I do think it can be reasonable to ask to close to new people. I'd just continue being as vulnerable and honest with Rider as you can be. He may have other options, or may be more than happy to close for a short time, until you adjust to your new normal. As for destressing, do you meditate? Ten minutes in the morning has done wonders for my anxiety and stress levels.
 
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As for destressing, do you meditate? Ten minutes in the morning has done wonders for my anxiety and stress levels.

My morning is already as packed as I can reasonably make it without losing sleep, but does it also work well at other times of the day, do you know? I generally have a little window of free time right after I get home from work, and I could try doing it then. I already have some guiding MP3s on my computer.
 
Yes, it works for me any time. Sometimes I meditate for five minutes in my car at work just to unwind from the craziness that currently is my work. When I do it before bed, I sleep better.
 
Yes, it works for me any time. Sometimes I meditate for five minutes in my car at work just to unwind from the craziness that currently is my work. When I do it before bed, I sleep better.

I'd second meditation as being worthwhile for dealing with stress and anxiety.

I will definitely add these in, then. I'll try to make it part of my after-work routine.

The resolution of the issue so far is here and here.

I'm sure I'll be posting about further progress in my blog. I would like to thank everyone again for their support here. Sometimes, when I feel utterly confused and rudderless and like I was a crazy fool for ever thinking this poly thing would ever be anything but trouble, you guys give me heart and keep me going. I feel like there has to be some passage of time thing where just exposure to these ideas from every possible angle over a very long time will eventually just numb me to the bad parts—turn me calloused and leathery and unfazeable.
 
For me meditation started to work the moment I did not call it meditation. I was always so intimidated by it and thought: I can never do it 'right' so I might as well not try at all.

Now I think of it as 'sitting alone in a room quietly'. It is surprisingly difficult to do. But the rewards are awesome. For me meditation is about letting my emotions and feelings BE... without judging. The rest of the day, so much judging going on. My quiet 15 minutes in the morning, if I succeed to not judge for even one minute, it is a success.

I like this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASFpyVIoK6I
 
It sounds like this is mostly resolved, but I wanted to add that you shouldn't feel guilty for asking for a reprieve. You're taking prevantitve measures rather than needing to triage your relationship and emotional well being further down the line.

My partner and I moved across the country in August, it was a hard move for him because he didn't have any friends waiting for him and he's extremely introverted and he had a hard time finding a job and we had an idea that he would meet with those challenges. So we agreed to suspend both our D/s dynamic and our ability to seek outside partners until he felt comfortable. It was an easy mutual decision because even if the right person came along, they would be coming along at the wrong time and if they were unable to be happy with friendship and getting to know each other first then they were clearly the wrong person for that time in our lives. I really do feel like we were able to build a solid foundation and get back to being happily D/s-y and open much more quickly because of this. It wasn't a case of us taking away freedom, we were supporting each other through a tough transition.
 
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