Poly & PTSD

K

Kittykate

New member
Has anyone dealt with it? I used to be in an abusive relationship in high school and it made mono dating hard, until I found my amazing husband, but it seems to be making poly that much harder. I feel safer when I am with more than one person so I feel like I look past the flaws that most the people I attempt to have relationships with just to get that comfort.
 
I have complex PTSD from a few decades of verbal and emotional abuse, bullying, etc. Being poly is definitely not easy in this type of situation. I was conditioned from preschool to believe I was unworthy, unwanted, and unloved, and that I deserved to be treated as such. (Hubby thinks that's *why* I'm poly; I disagree, I'm not poly because I'm trying to make more people love me, I'm poly because monogamy has never made sense to me.)

Being in one relationship is hard for me because I'm constantly worried about upsetting my partner, or about being too much trouble for them, or about them abandoning me. Being in TWO relationships exponentially compounds feeling that way. Fortunately both Hubby and Woody understand this and are very calm and patient about needing to fairly frequently reassure me that yes, they love me, yes, I deserve them--they actually usually say I deserve *better* than them--and no, they aren't going anywhere.
 
Hi Kittykate,

I've dealt with some PTSD in the past, though not with the same symptoms. I think the thing to do is make a list, for each new person you meet, of their good points and their bad points. Keeping in mind that people generally put their best foot forward when you first meet them.

Are there other struggles you've had because of PTSD or other causes?

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
 
Only other struggle is with my husbands but his is he can't find anyone to make a connection with so its hard on him when I find someone that I do make a connection with. It kinda upsets him a little. So it makes me feel like I'm wrong in a sense.
 
Yes, I can see how that would be a problem.

For some reason, men seem to have a harder time finding people to date than women do -- statistically speaking. The math doesn't add up, but, and it seems to make it worse when a man already has a partner (and is trying to date polyamorously).

I wish I could think of a solution. When you do make a connection with someone do you say a lot about it to your husband? If so, you could reduce the amount of information you give. Just the stuff he needs to know for schedule and health purposes. Maybe then there'd be less for him to get upset about?

Just a thought,
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
Yes, I can see how that would be a problem.

For some reason, men seem to have a harder time finding people to date than women do -- statistically speaking. The math doesn't add up, but, and it seems to make it worse when a man already has a partner (and is trying to date polyamorously).

I wish I could think of a solution. When you do make a connection with someone do you say a lot about it to your husband? If so, you could reduce the amount of information you give. Just the stuff he needs to know for schedule and health purposes. Maybe then there'd be less for him to get upset about?

Just a thought,
Kevin T.
Click to expand...

Usually we tell each other everything. This is the first time he has every told me to just straight up not answer him, or lie about answers with someone. So it is a new territory.
 
Hmmm, well if he is going to ask, then maybe he should accept the risk that he might not like the answer. He has to do his part here too ...
 
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