FeatherFool
New member
Part 1
Over the past few days I’ve really enjoyed reading the life stories of the members on here. I’m not sure mine counts as “inspiring”, but I’m proud of how far I’ve come over my somewhat-less-than-thirty years. I’ve never written it all out like this and since I did the work I figure I may as well post it. I’m not positive what would be accounted as “TMI” here, but I figure if I’m comfortable writing it, probably people would be comfortable reading it.
Please note: what I wrote below makes it sound like my life has been full of extremes. That is very much not the case. These posts suffer from negativity bias but to correct that would be to make this an epic autobiographical work, which is not the point. So please believe that while it may seem like everything is awful all the time, that is the result of inadequate methodology and does not reflect the entire reality.
I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian family in a small town were Mormons, Mennonites and Amish have a heavy influence. We went to church Wednesday and Sunday, and Thursday for bible study. We ate fish on Fridays, gave up meat for Lent, and every member of my family but myself was married before the age of 20. Marriage was a vital holy institution and just as necessary for religious growth as baptism. Divorce was never an option. Sex was a strictly taboo subject, even so far as biological systems and pertinent information, like how to use a tampon (trick question: good girls don’t use tampons). Sex Ed was the only alternative source of information and it very much missed the mark. I knew nothing more than “tab A into slot B” and the process of meiosis. The issues of trust, consent, sexuality, identity, communication, pleasure, etc, were never broached.
My family is very man-centric, where women are expected to cater to their men, and the men are expected to protect, provide and punish. I once witnessed an uncle repeatedly hitting his wife “to learn her better”. At the time I thought the abuse was my aunt’s fault: if she just tried harder, he wouldn’t have to get so mad. Afterwards she apologized and cried like a broken thing while she made him a pie. I remember listening to her with disgust. I would never make my husband that mad! This is not really a surprising dynamic; my aunt is one of my mother’s six sisters, and their father suffered from undiagnosed PTSD and alcoholism. We aren’t sure what exactly he did in WWII, but when we finally got his service records almost the entire thing was redacted, other than words like “and” or “therefor”. He also had a considerable chest of inexplicable medals. I won’t recount the stories I’ve of heard of him (he died when I was very young) but I can certainly see how my mother’s family all found their way into dysfunctional relationships.
None of this is to say we were unhappy. We were happy. Holidays in particular were chaotic and glorious. My parents took turns working two and three jobs to put each other through college, and fought to give us good lives. They encouraged all their daughters to pursue advanced education, and while they were a bit appalled I chose to study genetics and evolution (and not theology), they were tentatively supportive which is more than I’d have thought to ask for. I love my sisters dearly. We have always been best of friends and we got into some pretty wild scrapes for good little Christian girls, so not everything was dire and restrictive.
Over the past few days I’ve really enjoyed reading the life stories of the members on here. I’m not sure mine counts as “inspiring”, but I’m proud of how far I’ve come over my somewhat-less-than-thirty years. I’ve never written it all out like this and since I did the work I figure I may as well post it. I’m not positive what would be accounted as “TMI” here, but I figure if I’m comfortable writing it, probably people would be comfortable reading it.
Please note: what I wrote below makes it sound like my life has been full of extremes. That is very much not the case. These posts suffer from negativity bias but to correct that would be to make this an epic autobiographical work, which is not the point. So please believe that while it may seem like everything is awful all the time, that is the result of inadequate methodology and does not reflect the entire reality.
I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian family in a small town were Mormons, Mennonites and Amish have a heavy influence. We went to church Wednesday and Sunday, and Thursday for bible study. We ate fish on Fridays, gave up meat for Lent, and every member of my family but myself was married before the age of 20. Marriage was a vital holy institution and just as necessary for religious growth as baptism. Divorce was never an option. Sex was a strictly taboo subject, even so far as biological systems and pertinent information, like how to use a tampon (trick question: good girls don’t use tampons). Sex Ed was the only alternative source of information and it very much missed the mark. I knew nothing more than “tab A into slot B” and the process of meiosis. The issues of trust, consent, sexuality, identity, communication, pleasure, etc, were never broached.
My family is very man-centric, where women are expected to cater to their men, and the men are expected to protect, provide and punish. I once witnessed an uncle repeatedly hitting his wife “to learn her better”. At the time I thought the abuse was my aunt’s fault: if she just tried harder, he wouldn’t have to get so mad. Afterwards she apologized and cried like a broken thing while she made him a pie. I remember listening to her with disgust. I would never make my husband that mad! This is not really a surprising dynamic; my aunt is one of my mother’s six sisters, and their father suffered from undiagnosed PTSD and alcoholism. We aren’t sure what exactly he did in WWII, but when we finally got his service records almost the entire thing was redacted, other than words like “and” or “therefor”. He also had a considerable chest of inexplicable medals. I won’t recount the stories I’ve of heard of him (he died when I was very young) but I can certainly see how my mother’s family all found their way into dysfunctional relationships.
None of this is to say we were unhappy. We were happy. Holidays in particular were chaotic and glorious. My parents took turns working two and three jobs to put each other through college, and fought to give us good lives. They encouraged all their daughters to pursue advanced education, and while they were a bit appalled I chose to study genetics and evolution (and not theology), they were tentatively supportive which is more than I’d have thought to ask for. I love my sisters dearly. We have always been best of friends and we got into some pretty wild scrapes for good little Christian girls, so not everything was dire and restrictive.