Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

There are only 2 seasons, but I can't stop watching it. LMAO

I think, honestly, my addiction to terrible reality shows is my biggest flaw. On my list right now are It Takes a Church, Sister Wives, Married at First Sight, Married by Mom and Dad, House Hunters and Cutthroat Kitchen. That's only because I've watched pretty much every other show out there already, including The Great Food Truck Race. :D

Today I am just going to keep it low key, since I canceled classes. I was feeling better last night, but this morning I woke up early, with a cough that hurt pretty bad. Sitting up was helpful, so now I am back down on the couch in the living room.
 
Regarding some of your financial decisions.... if you don't mind me asking, I'm curious why you've made some of the choices that you have regarding life insurance. I completely understand your decision to want insurance on each party that would cover the debts in the event that someone died. This is something I've talked about with Sudo for when we get a house together soon.

My question is why you've chosen the types of policies that you have? I have a whole life policy myself, but it was bought for me when I was a baby and the only reason I'm keeping it now is because I'm waiting to cash it out until it's house buying time (going to use all that extra premium money that it has as part of my portion of the down payment). But right around the time of house buying I intend to just get a term lift policy that's good for the length of the mortgage, like you're doing. I guess my question is.... given that whole life policies are usually way more expensive on a monthly basis than term, why are you keeping those policies? I've read up on them and it seems like a lot of financial people who aren't insurance brokers (and therefore don't make a commission off of the sale) suggest not having whole or universal life insurance and that it's not a good investment. Actually, the statement is generally that insurance shouldn't be used as an investment vehicle and you should only get insurance to cover what you actually need coverage for.

Anyway, I know lots of people have their own personal opinion on the matter and people have different reasons for picking one or the other. So I'm not knocking your decision... just wondering why not get the term policy that you're already planning to get for the full amount you need and drop the other policies and take back whatever cash earnings you would have gotten?
 
That's a perfectly valid question. :)

DarkKnight's whole life policy was bought for him as a child, and it costs us less than $100 a year. For the value of the policy, we'd be crazy to cancel it, and he does have quite a bit of cash value built up in it. Because he currently weighs more than 300 pounds, we were told he is uninsurable for additional amounts right now. So even if we wished, canceing things would end up leaving him with no whole or term insurance right now, outside of his work policy.

I am not at all comfortable as having any of us reliant on an employer as the sole source of insurance.

So for him, it's whole life and hoping that he is successful with his weight loss soon.

As far as the two other whole life policies that are owned by PunkRock and I, I decided to purchase those because of my father. He died a couple of years ago, after his term policy had run out. At that point, he was able to buy another policy, but it had a huge waiting period at the beginning before it was activated and he passed during that waiting period. So all my mom received when he passed were a return of premiums, which was peanuts. I am terrified of term insurance expiring and having nothing to fall back on.

That said, we may end up canceling the whole policies and just sticking $3000-$5,000 each in a savings account for final expenses. We all want to be cremated with no funerals. So we will see. Right now I don't see a reason to cancel any of our current policies, but that may change when we have the mortgage and the term policies active.
 
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Ah... older whole life policies I get. That's how mine is since it's 30 years old and they offered way better policies back then. i.e. my policy guarantees me a minimum 4% return on the premium amount that is paid in that's over and above the actual cost to of the policy that year even if the market return is less (fixed premium forever on mine but the cost increases as I age, so eventually the cost outweighs the premium and eats into the cash value of the policy that has built up. I'm assuming yours are all the same way, so stating more for clarity and for general readers). While I'm young and my premium costs are lower, it's nice... but eventually as the costs of the policy go up, it definitely won't be worth it to have a policy that eats into the value.

And if he can't get any other insurance then I definitely see why you'd keep it!

As for the other ones.... I guess it depends on whether you're concerned that you'd have debts when you pass away, right? Like, if you get a 30 year term policy, so you know the mortgage is going to be paid, and you know you'll have enough in savings or somewhere else to cover any burial expenses, and you have either no car loan, then if you don't have any insurance when you pass, you don't really need it. But that assumes that it's not important to you to leave something for loved ones to live off of. A "legacy" per se. Some people want to be able to leave money to their heirs no matter what when they pass, so I guess that's also something to take into account!

Question about getting a new policy.... In the case of your dad you said there was a waiting period to get a new policy. Was that because it was the same company and they knew one policy was ending? Or just that when you're older there is often a waiting period? If you know now through experience that there's a waiting period, could you apply for a new policy like a year out from when your current policy ends (or whatever time the typical waiting period is)? I'm not really familiar with buying insurance once you're older, so I really am just curious about the possibilities to mitigate that sort of issue once a term policy ends!
 
At the time my dad's term policy ended, he had been diagnosed with lung cancer, COPD, one collapsed lung, schizophrenia and diabetes. He was still smoking, couldn't walk and was in a wheelchair. When you sign up for insurance, even if there isn't a lengthy medical questionnaire, some of those diagnoses are definite disqualifiers. He had managed to secure a new policy, but it had a disclaimer that death within the first two years of the policy would not pay out. Actually, neither of my parents were aware of that clause, and when my dad was hospitalized for the last time, I was able to get my mom to gather up all the paperwork and I discovered it. So it was a good thing that happened - I was able to give them both the head's up that there wasn't a payout to look forward to if my dad passed soon. The policy was only for $10,000 too, if I remember correctly. Didn't matter, I think my mom got back like $400.

The whole life policies we have, do not increase costs with age. They're fixed premiums. At some point - years and years from now - we don't have to even pay on them anymore. I forget the actual name of them. I'll have to pull them out and look.

At the time we got them - last year, was it? Or the year before? I can't remember! - I had no insurance, so rather than just sign up for term and be worried, I opted for whole life. I just decided to do the same with PunkRock, because he was a smoker at the time, like my dad, and I was still focused on my dad's experience. So whole life for him too.

My kids, as far as inheritance goes, all 3 of them are the secondaries on DarkKnight's 401(k) account. I talked to them separately about how life insurance was just for expenses, so not to expect large policies from us. DarkKnight wanted to include all 3 of my kiddos on his 401(k), not just our daughter together, because he loves all my children. So we had another talk about that with the kids, because we didn't want my youngest feeling cheated. She didn't though - she thought we were dumb for thinking she would begrudge her older siblings something they might not even ever receive. lol They understand that we expect to use his 401(k) as retirement income, so if he doesn't die right away, and neither do I, then that will be exhausted as a pass-down to them.

We are going to talk to a lawyer once we buy the house, to make sure that it is able to be willed to my kids, after all 3 of us have died. I don't want PunkRock getting booted out if DarkKnight and I die first. Not that my kids would ever do that, but none of them are married yet, so who knows what kind of crazy their spouses might get up to. lol
 
Had a fun day that started early - I took a few of my Astronomy students to the Maryland Science Center in Baltimore. We watched an IMAX movie, had a planetarium show and then toured the exhibits. It was a good time. :) When I came home, my daughter was off to work, and DarkKnight had choral practice. PunkRock and I went to dinner at the Greene Turtle and then did a bit of grocery shopping. I won $25 on a scratch-off ticket, so yay!

Since I was feeling pretty exhausted after a full day - still getting over being sick - we crashed together on the couch and watched two episodes of this intriguing show on Netflix. I can't remember the name, but it's about India's train service. India's Frontier Railways or something like that! Anyway, it was REALLY well done. Lots of background info on the area being discussed, and interesting, personal stories of a few workers and passengers on the particular rail line being discussed each episode. We watched the first two episodes. Just, really, really highly recommend it!

What else for today? Oh, I spent a short section of time sorting through PunKRock's medical bills and we had to make a joint phone call to one of the billing agencies. We were straight up lied to about his CPAP machine. We were told by the company rep when it was delivered, that PunKRock's insurance company would pay for it 100% after he had two months of continuous use. In actuality, he is being billed $128 a month, as a RENTAL fee, for 6 months, at which point the insurance company will then pay the balance at an 80/20 split. If he's met his deductible for the year. We were both flabbergasted. I am going to write a letter I think, because this is not at all what we were told. At this point, for the 6 months rental, it costs more than we could buy the damn unit on Amazon for! So yeah, not cool. I need to find time to have PunkRock drag out the initial paperwork and see what that says. I am quite sure it says nothing about renting anything. Fuck.

Yeah, so that section of time sucked but I decided to drop it and continue on and have a happy evening. The $845 we owe isn't due until October, so I will put this on the calendar to stress over later on next week!

Tomorrow I have my Astronomy class, with half the kiddos from my canceled Monday class attending. It will be quite the chaotic scene, I am sure. Especially since we have two outside labs! I'm looking forward to it though. :)
 
OMG Why do I wake up so early?! Well, this time, it's PunkRock's fault, as he had to be to work by 6 am. Gah! Starting in October, his job is switching everyone to fixed time schedules, and his shift is going to be like 5:30 am to 2:30 pm or some garbage like that. With DarkKnight having to start work at 6:30 am every day - yeah, so much for ever sleeping in for me! Or them, I suppose, but this is about me. LOL

So far today I have printed out the answers to the kids' homework and their quiz for this week. I still have to grade all of their quizzes from last week. The grades are going to be abysmal, I can already tell. So I am not looking forward to doing that. However, class starts at 12:30 pm, so I need to get moving. I am looking forward to class today, as I always enjoy the distance lab, which is where I have the kids stand in as placeholders along my driveway and street, to show how far apart the planets actually are.

What else? I ordered groceries this morning - $350. And that wasn't everything we needed, just what I could remember. Terrible, since I had $200 budgeted to spend. I have got to find the time to get a handle on our run away food costs. I suppose when I get back on my diet, things will improve, but I don't buy a lot with myself in mind. Much of the cost, when I break it down, is spent on lunch stuff for PunkRock. Gotta take a look at that. When, I have no idea.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I'll be 39. I am actually really happy with where I am at, at all levels, except for my weight. I wouldn't trade my years away to be younger, that's for sure. People joke with me that I am having my 10th anniversary of turning 29, but I don't feel as I should shy away from my age. This is me, and I love my life and who I share it with.
 
Bluebird said:
Tomorrow is my birthday. I'll be 39. I am actually really happy with where I am at, at all levels, except for my weight. I wouldn't trade my years away to be younger, that's for sure. People joke with me that I am having my 10th anniversary of turning 29, but I don't feel as I should shy away from my age. This is me, and I love my life and who I share it with.
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Happy birthday! 39 is a great age, and isn't some anniversary of a younger age. My 40's have been amazing (so far) and wouldn't choose to go backwards for anything! Yay to living our authentic ages!
 
I am having a great birthday so far! I woke up with my loobaloo (PunkRock) and had some fun sexy times. Always a wonderful way to spend a morning! :)

DarkKnight made me tea and my youngest daughter met me with a bag full of some fun bangle bracelets - all different neon colors! After showering, PunkRock treated me to our favorite Indian restaurant for lunch, and then we drove together to Martinsburg. He needed to pick up his entry for the painting contest this month - he won this time, so that game store is back in my good graces. :)

After driving back, we decided to stop at a house here just outside of the town I live in, that we had looked at online earlier in the week. We all got a notification that it had dropped in price. I was sort of meh on it, but it met our specifications. In person, it was actually very interesting to see! It would need some updating, but I think it would do really well for us, overall. PunkRock was very excited. :) The odds of it still being on the market next Spring are very small though - especially with the price drop! But it is still fun to peer in windows and explore backyards of "maybe" properties. :) We aren't involving any realtors yet - no need since we aren't actually looking to buy at this very moment. Soon though!

Tonight DarkKnight has put together a made-from-scratch carrot cake with pink frosting, as always, but he also is going to cook me my favorite meal from The Cheesecake Factory! He found a copycat recipe a year or so ago, and he's made it once before for me. It's expensive with all the ingredients, but the dish is amazing. So, I can't wait!

Right now I think PunkRock and I are going to do some painting. DarkKnight just got off of work, and he left for a walk. PunkRock has the day off, so we'll probably do our hobby stuff together. :)
 
I feel so very happy tonight. I'm 39 and fabulous!

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Woot! Happy birthday! :D
 
Yes, you *are* fabulous! Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Birthday, Bluebird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Fabulous photo of a fabulous person!
 
Love the new photo!

Leetah
 
Thanks everyone! I was feeling pretty great. :)

Here is another photo from yesterday - I updated 4 of my albums here, but I am not going to link them all. Anyway, check them out if you want.

My V - PunkRockAwesomesauce, me, and DarkKnight

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I am really excited because almost all of our foster kittens have homes now. I have a friend in New York who asked me for a photo of PeeWee, and within 2 minutes, she had found a placement for him. So, then she asked me for another kitten, and I sent her a photo of Cowboy Curtis. Same thing, though the lady interested in him also wants to see a photo of Miss Yvonne. So I am not sure where that is, but I am confident she is taking one of them. Since Jambi already has a home, and so does Penny, my work is almost finished. lol They are going to the clinic next Thursday for their distemper shot boosters, and then after October 4 they can get their rabies shot and be fixed. Actually, we might schedule the spay/neuter before then, but it depends on scheduling. I am going to drive all the babies that are relocating up north, the weekend of Oct 14. Not sure yet which day yet I am actually going, but it is happening. I am going to see my family and hopefully my best friend too then.

Today should be fun. I have an internet-only friend who is coming to meet me this morning at 9 am. She lives in my town and has been in poly relationships in the past. About a year or so ago, she friended me on Facebook because she and her boyfriend wanted to start going to game nights at the 2nd game store in our city, and saw that I attended them frequently. Well, around that time, life happened and we never once met in person. Crazy. Anyway, she is going to college to be a therapist, and as part of her curriculum she needs to do taped "entrance interviews" with 3 different people. So, I volunteered. Basically she's going to interview me as if she were admitting me to her practice for regular therapy. Then she needs to edit down the footage and present it to her instructor and small group classmates for a review of how she did. She said it will actually be useful, since she doesn't actually know me in person. So, that's my morning. lol

I am then, at 12:30, doing a make-up class for the Astronomy session I canceled on Monday. There are 4 kiddos coming. Since I just taught this exact class Wednesday, I'm not stressed about it. One thing though is that I have to give the one kiddo a ride home afterward, but whatever.

Tonight is the last Call of Cthulhu session and I am really stoked about it. I love doing these sorts of things with DarkKnight and PunkRock!
 
I had a lot of fun at Call of Cthulhu last night! Once again it was an almost-full session, but just like last time, WarMan had signed up and was a no show. Still annoying AF.

Oh well - the game master actually changed out the scenario we had planned to do, so we actually got to experience a brand new session - Area 51! My character was an exo-biologist who had a super high security clearance and spent her days vivisectioning alien corpses. Good times! DarkKnight was a conspiracy theorist who had been captured trespassing on base, and PunkRock was a dim-witted janitor. I was super-impressed by my guys last night! DarkKnight is usually a pretty passive player, but he came out of the gate rocking it! PunkRock had us all laughing so hard we couldn't breathe - his comments were hysterical! At the end of the night everyone voted PunkRock as the best player, so that was awesome. I was truly torn over who to vote for, as DarkKnight had done such an amazing job, but at the end of the night, he grew tired and had his character take some Thorazine and spent the last 15 minutes just snoring, so I had to give it to PunkRock. :)

Right now PunkRock is getting ready to leave for work, and it's just one of those mornings where I want to stay in bed and have him slip inside of me and just be wrapped up around each other the rest of the day. Sigh.

That said, DarkKnight got up early to take our daughter to work so we could have the car today - there's a Punk Rock Flea Market in a town nearby and we are going to go check it out.
 
DarkKnight and I had a good day together yesterday. The Punk Rock Flea Market was more hype than substance - it was just a small alleyway full of vendors - but we did see some interesting things. We didn't end up purchasing anything though! After checking out the wares, we drove back to our town and visited the house that PunKRockAwesomesauce and I had checked over together the other day. Gosh you guys, I always forget that in some ways they are the same person - DarkKnight wanted to go inside and buy it. Lol It really isn't fair that they can outvote me by majority rule. (I don't think they would force me to buy a house I hated, honestly, but it's silly that I thought DarkKnight would be meh about this place!)

After looking over the house - which will probably not be on the market when we are actually officially in buying mode - DarkKnight and I went to a late lunch and then picked up our daughter from work.

PunkRock went straight from work to the game store yesterday, to play a game called Infinity, so I didn't see him until late yesterday. He was excited because he won. :) Apparently the game store is getting quite a following of people who are playing this, but I am steering clear. I can barely keep up with my WarMachine stuff, though I believe I would have fun playing it.

Lately I have been having horrible, horrible trouble with my acid reflux. The cold I had last weekend, combined with my weight gain has me coughing pretty much nonstop. It's really difficult for me to fall asleep. Last night was awful, and I woke at 7 am needing to pee like crazy (due to lots of baking soda water to neutralize the acid). I was awake for a short bit and then I went back to DarkKnight's room and passed the fuck out with exhaustion and didn't wake up until after noon. I felt so fucking weak and spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch, doing absolutely nothing. I finally got in the shower around 4 pm, and then PunKRock came home and we went to play WarMachine together at the game store. I really was not in any shape to play but I ended up winning - actually, it put me ahead for the week in the narrative league and I think I was actually the top scorer this week. Not because I was particularly awesome, but because so few people played. Lol I will take it!
 
Thanks!

I am up early today because PunkRockAwesomesauce's cat decided to start playing with my hair while I was trying to sleep. Lately, she has decided her bed is my pillow. Normally, I don't mind at all, but today - gah! She was playful and I was trying to sleep. I guess it's okay, because I have a million things to do today.

It's a Monday, so that means Astronomy class. I have a kiddo coming early to make up a session and a lab, but there is only going to be time for one of those. I am going to let her decide which she'd rather focus on and we'll have to build in more time on another day to get her completely caught up. I don't have today's movie planned yet either - actually, I need to go hunt that down ASAP. The lecture is focused on asteroids, meteors and comets, and I was thinking of showing Deep Impact or Armageddon, but I don't know that we will have enough time to show the entirety of either movie. I thought it might be fun to pick apart everything right and wrong in the films, but I will probably just end up showing an actual, educational show. I still need to print and grade last week's quizzes as well - I am printing one in between every paragraph of text I type here. lol

A trip to the bank is also needing to happen this morning - I need to transfer funds from my account to my son's checking so his rent gets paid. It sucks that I have to do this in person, but that's how it works with his stuff, since it's a social security account. I also need to swing by the store to get soy milk, cat food and probably some other odds and ends. Maybe 10 am?

Just trying to work out my schedule for today. :) I could go back to sleep right now, shower at 9, run errands at 10, grade quizzes at 11 while eating lunch, and then my student will arrive at noon. Hmmmm sounds good to me! Except, you know, I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep! Instead, I think I'll watch some Netflix and drink water. My weight loss goal for this week is to drink a crap ton of water everyday. 8 glasses! Or, water bottles. That's more likely. :) Drinking a lot of water is always good for me - I always see a marked improvement in my skin, and it fills me up so I'm not slamming trash food in my face.
 
Omg kill me! My acid reflux is unbearable. Just coughing and coughing - I am taking tums constantly. It seems like with my weight gain, the Prevacid prescription has stopped working. I just did some reading online and it looks like I need to short term supplement with some Zantac or Tagament. I would cut out my esophagus right now to get relief. I seriously need to lose this weight - there is zero doubt in my mind that this is what is making things worse. ����������

I was pretty upset yesterday and today - WarMan out of the blue messaged me last night on my way to WarMachine, asking me when I was going to shut down our shared bank account. Since we had been over this before he moved out, I was surprised to hear from him, but I just reiterated the same thing I told him then - that I had to be sure all the autowithdrawals and deposits were switched over, and that t should be all set mid October. Actually, I was pretty certain everything except for a single auto-deposit was all set. He told me that I had said mid-September, and that having the account still active was messing with his "available balance" total when looking at his accounts online. I'm thinking, are you fucking serious right now?! He also said he was uncomfortable because he was financially liable for any problems. This further upset me, because, you know, we're in the process of setting up to buy a house - if ANYONE should be worried about our account still being shared, it's me. I am not in danger of overdrawing anything.

Whatever. I told him it would be mid October and left it at that.

All night long I was really upset, because I knew without a doubt I never told him mid September. So I went back in this morning to the google account I used to text him on - and sure as shit - the very last message I ever sent him on there was me saying that at the earliest the account would be closed at the end of September and at the latest it would be the end of October. And him replying, telling me not to worry because he doesn't care at all. So I just messaged him on that account - saying uh, read the above message - I KNEW I had never said mid-September, because that's cray cray. He did not respond.

It's just another really good example of how he used to gaslight me. He did this with lots of regularity, and definitely more toward the end of the relationship. Telling me that I said something when I KNEW I hadn't. And then me having no proof, and just feeling confused and helpless. It got to the point where I was taking notes on my phone because I was scared I was going nuts. But every time I did check, I was right, and if I had proof, he'd just be like, oh, well, I must be wrong, sorry. Whereas if I didn't have proof, I'd just feel really dumb. I have never been in that sort of situation before. Anyway, I am so glad I had actual written proof this time - I am not insane!

That said, I went down to the bank this morning (for other reasons) and just decided to shut down the account. The balance had been steady at $20 for the last couple weeks because all of the autowithdrawals had been moved over, and that there is only a single auto deposit that didn't fund in September to the new account, and I feel confident that it will work for October. Ideally, I wanted to wait until October 12 and make sure it did transfer ok, but it is just not fucking worth the hassle or headache.

I have never in my life felt more helpless and confused than when being gaslighted. I was a wreck last night just experiencing that feeling again - and I needed to cry some this morning when I found the message that proved I wasn't crazy, again this time. I can't describe the feelings - it is just so overwhelming to me. To have someone in your life, that you love and care for so very much. telling you that you are wrong, that you are misunderstanding or misremembering, and being so scared that you're losing your mind, and that you are ruining the relationship because you are wrong. It's terrible. Seriously terrible.

I kinda feel like I need to cry again right now, in relief.
 
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