Schedule Issue :(

[Lovelylife4me]

flexibility about closeted poly schedule

Hi all --

My girl is in open marriage and she has me and her husband is seeing other two women. I don't sleep with her husband nor other two women. Her husband and I jumped into poly because she loves both of us. He is fine with us being girlfriends and he is enjoying seeing other two women.

Yesterday afternoon, she decided it would be ok for me to stay at her home overnight for the first time on saturday and told me to let her know if I can make it or not. I told her I would ask my Ex to see if she could watch our daughter. I informed her this morning saying "Yes, I can go to your house on Saturday night and stay there overnight, but will have to get up at 6am and leave at 610am because my Ex has to work at 730am and my daughter has two birthday parties to attend at 9am and 11am."

Her response was "I am just disappointed because I finally invite you over and found a place for my husband to sleep with his girl and our kids go away with grandparents. I prefer waking up next to you and just staying in bed all morning. If I knew you would have to leave at 6am, I wouldn't kick my husband and kids out. I would wait another weekend and I wish you told me the other day (she only asked me yesterday??)." Of course, I would want to stay all night and all morning with her, but I also have a role as a mom. She said she is not mad, but is disappointed that it doesn't go the way she had envisioned.

So what I am feeling is "You would cancel your night with me at your home because I have to get up early and I have a plan with my daughter?" Hmmmmm.

 

[kdt26417]

Hi Lovelylife4me,

It seems your girl is being a little picky towards you, but assuming you want to keep seeing her, I suppose the thing to do is compromise and let her know more of your plans ahead of time next time. I realize this could mean only a day before she solidifies her plans, which is one of the reasons I say she's being picky. But what can you do. You don't want to have an issue with her in the future, and she seems unwilling to change her outlook on things.

I hope the two of you can work things out.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.

 

[tenK]

I don't think this is that big of a deal. She needs to learn to voice her expectations in advance and give you enough time in advance to make arrangements. Her disappointment is understandable, but since she never actually explained that part of the invite was for a snuggly morning spent together, then her frustrations needs to be directed at herself, not you. Go have the overnight, enjoy yourselves, and hopefully next time you do it you will both be more on the same page about it.

 

[Tinwen]

"You would cancel your night with me at your home because I have to get up early and I have a plan with my daughter?" Hmmmmm.

Well, she didn't cancel the night, she's just disppointed. But I can see clearly where you feel disrespected or inapreciated in your other roles.

If that isn't a pattern, I would cut her slack. Sounds like a honest mistake - people do all sorts of expectations and thought shortcuts. Maybe she forgot she didn't ask you earlier, before making arrangements with her husband, or something. Just make sure to let her know that you would love to spend the morning, but need more heads up; and you two can find a way to make it happen.