MsEmotional
Member
Is there a name for a friendship that has some element of intimacy/connection "will they? won't they?" vibe, but it's left unspoken? Is it a bad thing for that to continue to be left unspoken?
I have a friend -- I've asked some questions on here about him before. I met him on OKC (we were both "liked" each other and started messaging around the same time as when I met Ponytail) and who I've only ever gotten together with on an individual basis -- like dates, except that we don't really act like we're on dates. Like, it's not like we have mutual friends or anything, and so our conversations have always been fairly intimate in that we talk about our other relationships, etc. Basically, I think we see each other as "safe acquaintances" to talk to about poly stuff -- especially since he and his wife aren't out to anyone else in their lives.
I have, in the past, felt a little uncomfortable about whether or not he was under the impression that this was headed in a romantic direction. Today I kind of realized that I don't mind if he was interested in that -- that I'd be open to exploring it if that's where he is thinking that this is headed....but I'm not interested in actively pursuing that route myself. So if he's fine with being friends, that's cool and I like everything staying like it is. But if he makes a move on me I would be intrigued with that too.
I don't feel confident enough that that's what I want to make the move myself, though. So while I have no interest in "shutting down" any feelings that might develop, I also don't have any interest in instigating a relationship discussion or anything.
Is it okay to just let this sit like this? Part of me feels like, "Why not? There are all kinds of different relationships....in poly especially, what's wrong with one that is just kind of undefined?" Another part of me feels like I'm supposed to do something -- like it's my job as the woman to make a move and that I either need to clearly define the relationship as "friendship-only" or be the one to suggest otherwise.
Am I crazy? I feel like there's this weird societal pressure for "nice guys" to not take a friendship to a different level -- that it's the woman's job to take it in that direction if she's interested in that because it would be skeevy if he made a move on her but not skeevy if she makes a move on him.
Is it okay to have a friend that you'd maybe be interested in dating, but not want to actually ask out?
Is it okay to keep this friendship at this level long-term? Is that a type of relationship that is fun for both parties? Or am I driving him crazy or making him uncomfortable by not defining the relationship clearly?
Am I right that there is an expectation that (in a hetero friendship) the woman is in charge of determining whether a friendship goes in a romantic/sexual direction? If not, then is it okay for me to just figure if he hasn't said anything, I don't have to either?
NOTE: I do not get the impression that he has a major crush on me or is pining or anything. I guess I get the impression that he probably feels the same way as I do (although maybe that's just projection on my part)-- that if I were less polysaturated and busy, he might be interested in pursuing a relationship -- but that it doesn't bother him to just continue hanging out as we are.
I have a friend -- I've asked some questions on here about him before. I met him on OKC (we were both "liked" each other and started messaging around the same time as when I met Ponytail) and who I've only ever gotten together with on an individual basis -- like dates, except that we don't really act like we're on dates. Like, it's not like we have mutual friends or anything, and so our conversations have always been fairly intimate in that we talk about our other relationships, etc. Basically, I think we see each other as "safe acquaintances" to talk to about poly stuff -- especially since he and his wife aren't out to anyone else in their lives.
I have, in the past, felt a little uncomfortable about whether or not he was under the impression that this was headed in a romantic direction. Today I kind of realized that I don't mind if he was interested in that -- that I'd be open to exploring it if that's where he is thinking that this is headed....but I'm not interested in actively pursuing that route myself. So if he's fine with being friends, that's cool and I like everything staying like it is. But if he makes a move on me I would be intrigued with that too.
I don't feel confident enough that that's what I want to make the move myself, though. So while I have no interest in "shutting down" any feelings that might develop, I also don't have any interest in instigating a relationship discussion or anything.
Is it okay to just let this sit like this? Part of me feels like, "Why not? There are all kinds of different relationships....in poly especially, what's wrong with one that is just kind of undefined?" Another part of me feels like I'm supposed to do something -- like it's my job as the woman to make a move and that I either need to clearly define the relationship as "friendship-only" or be the one to suggest otherwise.
Am I crazy? I feel like there's this weird societal pressure for "nice guys" to not take a friendship to a different level -- that it's the woman's job to take it in that direction if she's interested in that because it would be skeevy if he made a move on her but not skeevy if she makes a move on him.
Is it okay to have a friend that you'd maybe be interested in dating, but not want to actually ask out?
Is it okay to keep this friendship at this level long-term? Is that a type of relationship that is fun for both parties? Or am I driving him crazy or making him uncomfortable by not defining the relationship clearly?
Am I right that there is an expectation that (in a hetero friendship) the woman is in charge of determining whether a friendship goes in a romantic/sexual direction? If not, then is it okay for me to just figure if he hasn't said anything, I don't have to either?
NOTE: I do not get the impression that he has a major crush on me or is pining or anything. I guess I get the impression that he probably feels the same way as I do (although maybe that's just projection on my part)-- that if I were less polysaturated and busy, he might be interested in pursuing a relationship -- but that it doesn't bother him to just continue hanging out as we are.
