Jealousy menagement and vizualisation

Julien135

Julien135

New member
Hello!

My boyfriend and I are non-monogamous since the beginning of our relationship, and we are still figuring out our confort zone and our limits. On my side, I know that external sexual activities triggers me A LOT. He is “allowed” to have sexual partners on his own and he appreciates the freedom. However, I still have a hard time being comfortable, especially because I know how kinky and hardcore he likes it with his one-nighters partner.

Yesterday, I had the idea to do some vizualisation to face my triggers. So I close my eyes and I start vizualising my boyfriend having sex with a sexy stranger. At first, it was not pleasant at all, but rapidly I began to feel aroused, and at the end the whole scenario was totally exciting me.

Today, I push the exercice to another limit. I asked my partner to tell me exactly how his last sexual relation happened, with every details. He was fine with the idea, although he knew I would be triggered. And believe me, the story was WAY MORE kinky and hardcore than what I imagined in my mind.

My boyfriend had fun and I am happy for him, but some details of the real story still run in my mind.

Have you try visualizing your parter in order to face jealousy? Was it difficult? Do you think my strategy is good? Maybe it’s not recommanded to do this and I’m off track!

Sorry for my english, it is a second langage to me.:confused:
 
Ohh it did not work. My mind can’t erase those images. So many details I should’nt know. It hurts my self estime. :( It’s a nightmare! I DO NOT RECOMMAND THIS.
 
Does your partner enjoy less kinky sex with you? Does he communicate this to you? If he does, I know it can be hard but trust and believe him. Especially if in the moment he seems like he's enjoying himself. As someone who also enjoys both kinky and non-kink sex, I can assure you that not all people who like kinky sex ONLY like kinky sex. For some, variety of those choices are what we enjoy.

So he may like those things, but clearly he is still with you, so he enjoys being with you and having you as a partner too.

And if you need some reassurances as you work through your thoughts and feelings, there is nothing wrong with asking for him to provide those reassurances.
 
No, I don't visualize a partner having sex. Jealousy has nothing to do with that. Jealousy is more about the fear of losing someone. Therefore, I ask myself if my partner would leave me for the other person.
 
Julien135 said:
Ohh it did not work. My mind can’t erase those images. So many details I should’nt know. It hurts my self estime. :( It’s a nightmare! I DO NOT RECOMMAND THIS.
Click to expand...

This leads me to believe you are mostly vanilla and he is into kink. My guess is you feel inadequate. Breathemusic is right. Us kinksters can enjoy vanilla sex. We don't look down on it. At least I don't.
 
Hi Julien,

I would think some visualization could be helpful, up to a point. But you do not want to overload yourself with too many images. Give yourself time to process each image in small chunks.

Do you have any partners besides your boyfriend? If so, how does your boyfriend feel about that, and how does he process the information? Could that be a help to you in figuring out how to process things from your end?

I hope the two of you can get things worked out.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Though I prefer one-on-one sex, I've had much experience with multiple intimacy. At a guess, I've seen almost half my lovers being sexual with someone else, & vice versa.

I'm not particularly "turned on" by it, but I certainly don't somehow tolerate or allow it. Most times, it was pleasant watching someone I care about orgasm without being distracted by my own experience.

I've never considered obsessing on it (visualization exercises being focused obsession).
 
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