When to tell the kids

We have been talking about the kids together the 3of us.

We all agreed that we don't wanna lie to the kids and that they have to feel safe asking questions.

We have decided to tell them D is special to us and he'll be coming over more often.
And we tell them that D will be sleeping together with us.


Nothing more, this so they can feel safe asking questions.
The oldest two might have questions.
We wont lie to questions they ask.

The youngest will not understand enough yet.

So no kissing in front of the kids.
The kids will sleep in our tent in there own compartment.
We will sleep in the other compartment.
Sex will only happen when they're asleep.
We can use D's tent for this
We have already paid for it so well put it up.
 
I really feel like the weekend should be sex free. Y'all can wait. Kids wake up randomly, this is the first vacation as a throuple.

Sex can wait, different tent or not.
 
We are going for 2weeks.:D:D

Well see how sex will work out.
We will be happy sleeping together.
 
So....? I've gone two weeks without; sex is not a mandatory thing for a vacation. If kids are really the no 1 priority, not having sex shouldn't be too hard of a thing to manage.

I'm editing to add this:

It really feels like you're just wanting to hear the community agree with your choices and get validation on what you want to do; but phrasing it as a question and advice. We're not validating what you want to do. Sex should be avoided on the throuples first vacation with kids because kids are nosy and you're already challenging societial norms as a throuple! Let that sink in for the kids.
 
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I would like to support ElMangos concerne.
Even though I think a open and positive realtionship with sex is good when approaching the topic with children, I think your children are still to young for that sort of talk - sex is still something strage to them and while catching your parents in the act might be awkward and confusing, it is something that doesn't conflict with the societal norms and standards that they are familiar with. Beeing witness to your parents sleeping with another partner or in a threesome might be very confusing to your children...
Two weeks is really not a very long time,I would strongly consider if the potential impact thins might have your children isn't worth a the little dry patch.
 
We are not telling them about our sexual relationship.
And about having sex on our holiday you are right it isn't a great idea.

The most important part to me is being together.

I'm listening to your suggestions.

We have decided.
No kissing when the kids are around

But not telling them. Isn't good for them in my opinion. They might feel lied to.
They have to feel that its not a big secret and that questions can be asked.
 
Honestly, I find that kids are super resilient and you need to base how you act around your kids on how well they adjust to things. Some kids adjust to this sort of information really quickly and easily, others don't. My partner and his wife told their kids about being poly (kids were 6 and 8) and the kids basically gave zero fucks. And being kids, they were pretty bad about barging into rooms with closed doors (it's a work in progress), so it honestly didn't take long for them to walk in on either one of their parents naked in bed with other partners. Again, kids didn't care at all.

But that's their kids. Not your kids. So see how they take the news about your partner being more than just a friend, and I think that will allow you to figure out how soon you can be comfortable sharing affection like kissing in front of the kids.
 
My wife P told them last week, when they were talking about the holiday.
That D will sleep in our bed because we like him so much.
They didn't give a you know what.
Happy with that its open now.
Last weekend we have been with friends and they all know now, we didn't get any negative reactions.
About the showing affection part we will be going slow.
We will see how it works out in six weeks
 
I take it your camping trip is in six weeks.

It sounds like you're doing the right things as far as your kids are concerned. I am glad they took the news well.

Go slow on the showing of affection part, and give them time to adjust.

You can wait and decide if the camping trip is a good time to have sex with D. Are you having sex with D now? I am just wondering.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Yes we are having sex.
When the kids are at grandma's
Or when they are sleeping
 
I think the question was aimed at sex on vacation?
 
It was aimed at the here and now, as the vacation is six weeks into the future. Martinus answered my question satisfactorily. My impression is that the current plan for the vacation is no sex, but maybe that could change. Especially if they are already having sex right now. (They are.)
 
The kids will be away for one night so that will be the night for love making:D
 
We just told our kids that this is "daddy's, mommy's or both's significant other." We have never lied to them or hidden anything. They did not see it as weird and they were not judgemental. They look to us, as parents, to educate them and teach them how to view the world. Prior to even finding others, we had already told them to be respectful of others. Basically, how is what that person(s) doing affecting you? Being raised that way, they knew our relationships were ours. Did they see us go through hard times with breakups? Yes!

Having said that though, why hide the pain and grief? It was a moment to teach them how to handle a breakup and to not give up on life. You want to date one day? Hell this MAY be you crying like a hot mess. Talk it out, don't hide your feelings, don't run away hoping you can make it disappear. Look, your parents cry, feel pain and learned to cope and guess what? You were part of that so let us be part of your world when you go through the same thing. Oh and by the way, you do NOT have to be anything specific when you start dating so think you need to be poly. Just be happy and find your path.

Seems to have worked. The kids are happy, they explain our relationships to questioning friends in the way they feel comfortable, which is basically "how does my answering your question affect your world?" It's funny because that little question has made all of their friends just blow it off and accept that there is somebody extra around us. hahha.

Teach them right and they will impress you with how they handle themselves. :)
 
Things aren't weird around the kids they don't seem to care what the adults do as long as they get the attention they want.
When D is around there is more attention for them to so win win I gues.
They haven't seen us kissing so no idea how they will react to that.
 
IEcplSeeking said:
why hide the pain and grief? It was a moment to teach them how to handle a breakup and to not give up on life. You want to date one day? Hell this MAY be you crying like a hot mess. Talk it out, don't hide your feelings, don't run away hoping you can make it disappear. Look, your parents cry, feel pain and learned to cope and guess what? You were part of that so let us be part of your world when you go through the same thing.
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I love this parenting style - to be real with the kids and model the fulfillment of a full spectrum life. I never understood the concept of "be strong for your kids." Being "strong" about feelings just means hiding, shaming, stuffing. Feelings are our amazing built-in guiding GPS in life, nothing to shield from children by "strength." I admire you for showing your children how life is lived well. Adult sexuality is arguably reserved for adults, but the visibility of feelings is never wrong. Bravo on you.
 
Double post
 
FallenAngelina said:
I love this parenting style - to be real with the kids and model the fulfillment of a full spectrum life. I never understood the concept of "be strong for your kids." Being "strong" about feelings just means hiding, shaming, stuffing. Feelings are our amazing built-in guiding GPS in life, nothing to shield from children by "strength." I admire you for showing your children how life is lived well. Adult sexuality is arguably reserved for adults, but the visibility of feelings is never wrong. Bravo on you.
Click to expand...


Thank you for your kind words, it's really appreciated. :)
 
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