Open vs Poly

Believe it or not, some of us *prefer* to be spoken/written to in simple words and sentences that just say what the person means, without excessive use of adjectives, adverbs, prepositional phrases, allegory, and metaphor. But we don't bitch about it when people write at us with their flowery languagenesses.

It's interesting how people who prefer to not have things sugar-coated don't complain when people sugar-coat things, but the opposite is often not true.

Kind of like how different people practice poly differently.
 
ref2018 said:
Believe it or not, some of us *prefer* to be spoken/written to in simple words and sentences that just say what the person means, without excessive use of adjectives, adverbs, prepositional phrases, allegory, and metaphor. But we don't bitch about it when people write at us with their flowery languagenesses.

It's interesting how people who prefer to not have things sugar-coated don't complain when people sugar-coat things, but the opposite is often not true.

Kind of like how different people practice poly differently.
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I mean, being tactless can be hurtful where as being too flowery is just annoying. I feel like that's a false equivalence.

And I agree, many people practice many types of poly; I'm just saying we should clarify what type before saying "you're wrong because I disagree with that style"
 
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BirdsNest said:
...so the problem is that we appear to have conflicting desires in this regard.

We are both sad and worried by this, we love each other and want to make it work if we can..
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To say that you two might not be going for the same experience is an understatement.

Any time the status of a relationship includes phrases like "we want to make it work if we can", that relationship isn't something that is likely to do anything but find new and exciting ways to build resentment.

BirdsNest said:
I can't help but think he's under-estimated the challenges of non-monogamy, he does seem to have idealised it- I wonder how he will cope when I do actually start having casual sex with other men.
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Relationships are as hard as we make them.

There isn't some magic element added to them that suddenly makes them difficult. No longer being romantically exclusive to only one person doesn't make it difficult, unless someone involved is making it difficult. People not dealing with their own insecurities, not knowing how to set a boundary, and not being a good receiver of information makes shitty relationships... not the number of people you smooch in a day.

BirdsNest said:
The first time this issue came up was a few weeks into dating in which he wanted to have a week-long holiday abroad with another woman he shagged on holiday before we got together. We've never taken a holiday, nor spent that much time together so I was really very hurt and jealous that he wanted to do this
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Sounds like a lot of fun, with the exception of you making it all about you.

This is a great example of what happens when people ignore the reality that they are simply not on the same page. He's going to be living his life, and you're going to find ways to be hurt about it.

BirdsNest said:
he is throwing himself full-force into the deep end with it all, a little obsessively if I am honest ... he's probably working through some of his own shit (I don't want to get caught in the crossfire of that.)
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On a side note, this is an unhealthy tick that people tend to resort to in a discussion like this.

I strongly recommend getting out of the bad habit of mentally diagnosing your fellows. I'm sure they have therapists and disapproving mothers who are more than happy to diagnose them. Doing so on your end is merely trying to elevate your assertion by breaking theirs down.
 
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