Overnight date with new partner with kids

K

Knickers

New member
I don't think there is necessarily a right answer to my question but I am curious to get others opinions on when is the right time to have an overnight date with a new partner when there are small children involved.

Would you want your children (lets say 5 & 8 years old) to meet the person first and get to know them before they spend the night? Would you wait until its an "established" or "serious" partner or do people allow casual partners to spend the night? Just curious what others are doing and what concerns people have in regards to small children? Thanks in advance!
 
Knickers said:
I don't think there is necessarily a right answer to my question but I am curious to get others opinions on when is the right time to have an overnight date with a new partner when there are small children involved.

Would you want your children (lets say 5 & 8 years old) to meet the person first and get to know them before they spend the night? Would you wait until its an "established" or "serious" partner or do people allow casual partners to spend the night? Just curious what others are doing and what concerns people have in regards to small children? Thanks in advance!
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I have no kids so, take what I say with a grain of salt.

I'd want my kids to meet them first. Simply because kids ask questions, and if my kids didn't like the person I'd like ot help with that first rather than find out night of
 
The way I see it, is that I have friends spend the night sometimes. I don't think it is a big deal to have partners spending the night even with children home as long as it's not an uncommon thing for them.

As for introducing them... my current boyfriend was introduced to my son as a friend. We chose not to be romantic in front of him because I didn't want polyamory to mean a stream of people moving in and out of his life. I don't think that is fair to him.

On the other hand, my son hasn't met all my friends. I don't think that's a big deal, either. If my son didn't happen to like someone (I'd probably wonder why since he tends to like people), I just wouldn't bring that person around him. Your kids are young enough that a partner could come over after they are in bed.

When the relationship got more serious, my husband and boyfriend and I decided to come out to our son as polyamorous because we didn't want him to accidentally see something and worry that I was cheating on my husband or something. We wanted to be clear that this was all mutually consensual and we were all happy.

Our son is 9, if that helps.
 
I never introduced my kids to anyone until I was sure that person was going to be in my life for at least awhile.
 
My kid meets people early on but no overnights at my place until there's an established relationship. Bedtime, early mornings, middle of the night wake up after a bad dream... those are vulnerable times for a kid so I don't want anyone in my house at those times unless my kid is very comfortable with them.
 
Hi Knickers,

There are many schools of thought on when to tell the kids about polyamory. Or even if they should be told at all. If they are told, do you ask them to help you keep it a secret? My personal view is that it's hard to be in the closet about poly when you have kids. Heck, even if the kids agree to help you keep it a secret, they could accidentally out you. And kids are observant, there is always a risk that they will notice something, and maybe get the wrong idea.

Those are my 2¢,
Kevin T.
 
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