I just wanted to say thank you for writing this and helping me with my questions.
Solo Polyamory Advice
- Thread starter TPowl90
- Start date
I just wanted to say thank you for writing this and helping me with my questions.
Not at all. I appreciate any response.
May I ask why it went wrong?
But did anything change when you fell in love? For example, did you develop insecurities/jealousy, or want to rebalance how you spent your time across your partners?
My longest running partner and I can chat all day and then not chat for days. We send anacknowledgment of a message if we are busy.
So you never hesitate to message one of your partners, at any time, and regardless how often you've been in contact recently?
So many thanks for your time! I do have one additional question: did you ever feel pressure to perform in the bedroom, as I'd imagine sex is an important desire of many solo polyamorists?
I am terrible at the quote system!
Most of my response is in the text box.
I actually like performance kind of sex. I am not a snuggle under the sheets with the lights out kind of sex person. I do expect my partners to be enthusiastic lovers and to really enjoy sex. I don't want to share my time with someone who is not reasonably skilled and creative, because I am And if you are not seeing anyone regularly then putting on a bit of show when you do get to see that person is not an effort but it is enjoyable and rewarding.
TBH I am leaning a little away from solo after almost 8 years. I am looking for a bit more primary time and nesting time. For for the past number of years it really did suit me just fine.
Most of my response is in the text box.
Not at all. I appreciate any response.
May I ask why it went wrong?
Too much jealousy.
I haven't found the right combination yet of how much information to share and how to much withhold.
I did meet a couple of metas and it went fine but mostly it seemed to result in clarifying who the target is, and experiencing meta emotional meltdowns second hand.
But did anything change when you fell in love? For example, did you develop insecurities/jealousy, or want to rebalance how you spent your time across your partners?
Yes, I have wanted to rebalance time and spend more time with one person who wasn't all that interested in spending more time with me! I have been pretty inflexible about my one fixed night with a partner. Hard to say if it was a good idea overall or not. I have struggled with new partners who want to spend too much time together or want to move in with me. I do enjoy my own time and own space. I am accepting that for right now, I really don't want a 24/7 live in partner. That would be the "solo" part.
Distance is also a factor. Can you see someone regularly and for short visits or does it really need to be an overnight due to travel time.
So you never hesitate to message one of your partners, at any time, and regardless how often you've been in contact recently?
Message yes. But this is based on clear discussions of not expecting an answer if the other person is busy. I think it applies if they are busy at work or spending time with another partner. For example; I take a pic or see an interesting news story and I send the link. I would just send it, and might get a "will read later" or "
If I want to to share something more important I would ask them can they let me know a good time to call. If I phone with no warning it is because it is something big is happening, like an emergency and either I leave a message, call again, or whatever. I do this extremely rarely. Mostly I have my friend network set up for emergencies.
I think this is the hard part of being solo for me. I don't have a primary or nesting partner as my #1 panic call person. I usually call my friends or family.
So many thanks for your time! I do have one additional question: did you ever feel pressure to perform in the bedroom, as I'd imagine sex is an important desire of many solo polyamorists?
I actually like performance kind of sex. I am not a snuggle under the sheets with the lights out kind of sex person. I do expect my partners to be enthusiastic lovers and to really enjoy sex. I don't want to share my time with someone who is not reasonably skilled and creative, because I am
And if you are not seeing anyone regularly then putting on a bit of show when you do get to see that person is not an effort but it is enjoyable and rewarding. TBH I am leaning a little away from solo after almost 8 years. I am looking for a bit more primary time and nesting time. For for the past number of years it really did suit me just fine.
