What's your 'number'?

Magdlyn said:
OK, if all you are talking about is having great sexual and kink skills, and having lots of enthusiasm, and being responsive to what really makes your partner happy, I see no need to call it a "performance." That is what was confusing me. I'd just never take a new lover by the hand to head to the bedroom, and think, much less, say, "OK, baby, let's see how you perform." He's a lover, not a paid entertainer.
Click to expand...

That's just semantics then.


You'd be surprised. I've spoken to many men who are fine if the woman just lies back and opens her legs. All they want is an open vagina. To them, that's all sex is. "Any sex, even bad, is better than no sex." I have had to explain to more than one guy that, for me, bad sex is worse than no sex at all. And certainly, bad kink can hurt in the wrong ways, and even be dangerous.
Click to expand...

Nothing is more boring to me than that. Really, I can just jerk off and have a better experience than that. The only exception is with someone I truly love. Then a quickie becomes so much more.

I have to admit, it does matter to me. I do prefer a hard cock. I was spoiled by my ex h. He'd get hard, and stay hard until he came, no matter what we were doing sexually. Even well into his 50s, he never struggled with ED.

But since we broke up, I have experienced a wide range of penis behavior lol. I've learned to accommodate sizes, shapes, hardness, softness, and how a pre-op transgender woman's genitals behave too. I've also been with cis women. I also got to explore my kinky side and learn much more about that.

One story though, is sad. I met this guy off of OKC and he seemed to have it all. He was 45, tall, built, gorgeous, well groomed, intelligent, successful, humble, funny, fun to talk to. He was also somewhat experienced in polyamory. When we got to the point of having sex, I found out he had a 12" cock. I like a big cock. I have a fluffy figure and a deep vagina, so big cocks just fit me better. I thought I'd won the lottery.

But the sex was bad. He barely kissed me. He touched my boobs and fingered me for maybe 2 minutes. He didn't eat me. He didn't offer himself to be sucked. He just got on top. He fucked me and I came a bunch, at first. But he never moved from missionary. He just kept sawing away. I got bored. He came. He got up, put on a new condom, and then got on top again and fucked me. He came again. He stayed hard after the orgasm and kept fucking me. It sounds fun, maybe? But it was boring! Like sawing wood. lol I was just a receptacle.

This was an afternoon date. He got a call from work, and had to leave, and I was kind of glad... otherwise I didn't know how it was going to be over. lol

He probably thought he gave a "great performance."

I was willing to give him another chance, to see if we could mix things up more, but unfortunately his son started having problems in school, and various other life things happened. So we stopped seeing each other. So, this was a case of a guy with a huge hard cock just giving me bad sex.
Click to expand...

Ah, the dreaded Size Queen...lol.

But see? You judged the guy's performance even if you don't use the word. Again, it's not a circus act. It's like he was a KIA. Functional, reliable and gets you from point A to point B with no frills. Not like a Ferrari, which is a high performance car.

That confuses me too. I have never been with the type of men Karen described, who have this weird "pride" about delivering orgasms. Or if I have, I didn't notice, or see it as a negative, because I love orgasms. LOL
Click to expand...
After seeing some more responses I am getting it. They are talking about guys who think they have "moves" that work on all women regardless. Kind of like your guy. I'm sure he has wowed many women with his 12 inches and staying power, yet you found it boring because he didn't attend to your personal needs.

But it's sort of semantics. If I say I'm good at making women cum, it's because I am attentive to their needs and good at reading their reactions. However, if they need 12" and a Viagra hard-on, they will be severely disappointed...lol.

Sometimes with Pixi, I might think I am done cumming in a session, but she might be feeling excited and loving, and keep working on me, and make me cum several more times. And I think that's great, to have her draw a few more out of me. Then I feel even more satisfied and sparkly afterwards.

Of course, if I know I am done, I tell her, and she stops. If she didn't stop (and if those kinds of men won't stop), and didn't have my consent to continue, I'd consider it sexual abuse.
Click to expand...

Cat was always one and done. I haven't been with many women who are super multi-orgasmic. But yeah, if a woman tells me to stop it's kind of like a switch that shuts me down completely...unless that isn't her safe word lol (but that's why I separate vanilla from kink).
 
vinsanity0 said:
That's just semantics then.
Click to expand...

No, it's really not. Words have meaning. Perform means carry out an action, task, duty or function.

I can see how if you think the function of a penis (or a man) is to get hard and poke or be stroked until it cums, then you could categorize that as "performing a duty or function." But that reduces that wonderful part of anatomy to a mechanical thing, and your body to just a vehicle for that piston. I am trying to humanize you, to enlarge the experience, and you keep resisting.

Ah, the dreaded Size Queen...lol.
Click to expand...

Yeah, go ahead and mock me. I was being honest. But I guess it's still OK to make fun of people who are plus size. :rolleyes:

I can do fine with 6." Even 5 1/2." Average size. It's under that where the penis has a hard time really getting anywhere inside me. Especially if the man is also plus size.

But see? You judged the guy's performance even if you don't use the word. Again, it's not a circus act. It's like he was a KIA. Functional, reliable and gets you from point A to point B with no frills. Not like a Ferrari, which is a high performance car.
Click to expand...

You're a trucker. I guess you're determined to think of men as mechanical. I didn't find him like a KIA. I found him to be like a gorgeous car which wasn't living up to its potential, just riding on its looks. But it wasn't much of a ride. The motor was on, but the car wasn't going down the road over 25 mph. He didn't get me where I needed to go.

After seeing some more responses I am getting it. They are talking about guys who think they have "moves" that work on all women regardless. Kind of like your guy. I'm sure he has wowed many women with his 12 inches and staying power, yet you found it boring because he didn't attend to your personal needs.
Click to expand...

I know lots of beautiful people do get by on looks alone. I doubt he has "wowed" many women with mere length and stamina, unless they were just as boring as he was, and like staring at the ceiling waiting for it to be over.

But it's sort of semantics. If I say I'm good at making women cum, it's because I am attentive to their needs, and good at reading their reactions. However, if they need 12" and a Viagra hard-on, they will be severely disappointed...lol.

Cat was always one and done. I haven't been with many women who are super multi-orgasmic. But yeah, if a woman tells me to stop, it's kind of like a switch that shuts me down completely... unless that isn't her safe word lol (but that's why I separate vanilla from kink).
Click to expand...
 
Magdlyn said:
No, it's really not. Words have meaning. Perform means carry out an action, task, duty or function.

I can see how if you think the function of a penis (or a man) is to get hard and poke or be stroked until it cums, then you could categorize that as "performing a duty or function." But that reduces that wonderful part of anatomy to a mechanical thing, and your body to just a vehicle for that piston. I am trying to humanize you, to enlarge the experience, and you keep resisting.



Yeah, go ahead and mock me. I was being honest. But I guess it's still OK to make fun of people who are plus size. :rolleyes:

I can do fine with 6." Even 5 1/2." Average size. It's under that where the penis has a hard time really getting anywhere inside me. Especially if the man is also plus size.



You're a trucker. I guess you're determined to think of men as mechanical. I didn't find him like a KIA. I found him to be like a gorgeous car which wasn't living up to its potential, just riding on its looks. But it wasn't much of a ride. The motor was on, but the car wasn't going down the road over 25 mph. He didn't get me where I needed to go.



I know lots of beautiful people do get by on looks alone. I doubt he has "wowed" many women with mere length and stamina, unless they were just as boring as he was, and like staring at the ceiling waiting for it to be over.
Click to expand...

Well I gotta say you made me laugh. I have a hard time figuring out if a person is being funny on purpose or not sometimes. I know you are smart enough to figure out the context of my use of the word. I know you are smart enough to know Size Queen has nothing to do with the size of an admirer of large penises. You might not know Kias are known for copying the silhouette of more expensive cars, yet have no power, but I do think you know what an analogy is. And you should know there are plenty of women who are impressed by size alone. Either you are putting me on or you are just in an argumentative mood.
 
And this is sort of why I require constant feedback to make sure I know I'm doing things right for the partner in question. I could probably brag about times where I "performed" well for unusual partners and circumstances, but I don't because that makes me feel like a shitty person and it disregards my partners. I only ever even come close to thinking of my "track record" thusly when my anxiety becomes so bad I have to remind myself of my successes so I don't get hung up on how I could be a failure and need to remind myself that I genuinely have good things to offer other people. I need to know if I'm doing things right, and I can ask it in sexy or loving ways, but like whether I finish or not I don't feel satisfied unless I know my partner enjoyed themself and me.

Sorry if that seemed a bit melancholic. Been feeling lately that I want to get back out there and work off some of this lonliness, but I want to make new friends for lovers, I don't want to just be random, and I still don't feel I'm in a good place to actually go out and look.
 
vinsanity0 said:
I know you are smart enough to know Size Queen has nothing to do with the size of an admirer of large penises.
Click to expand...

Actually, my body size and shape is WHY I do better with average or larger penises. So, I didn't appreciate being laughed at and labeled. It's not just because I think they look good. You missed my point.
 
SenatorBinks27 said:
And this is sort of why I require constant feedback to make sure I know I'm doing things right for the partner in question. I could probably brag about times where I "performed" well for unusual partners and circumstances, but I don't because that makes me feel like a shitty person and it disregards my partners. I only ever even come close to thinking of my "track record" thusly when my anxiety becomes so bad I have to remind myself of my successes so I don't get hung up on how I could be a failure and need to remind myself that I genuinely have good things to offer other people. I need to know if I'm doing things right, and I can ask it in sexy or loving ways, but like whether I finish or not I don't feel satisfied unless I know my partner enjoyed themself and me.

Sorry if that seemed a bit melancholic. Been feeling lately that I want to get back out there and work off some of this lonliness, but I want to make new friends for lovers, I don't want to just be random, and I still don't feel I'm in a good place to actually go out and look.
Click to expand...

Seriously any guy I’ve ever been with that *cared* about his lover as a person - even the one night stands, it doesn’t have to be cared for in the sense of a relationship just cared for in the sense of “having a moment with a unique human being” - has been a partner I enjoyed. And the fact that you’re *asking* that question says you’re not one of the “this is a performance” dudes that Magdlyn and I were talking about in this, this is not, I think though clearly I don’t know you in real life, a thing you need to worry about.
 
icesong said:
Seriously any guy I’ve ever been with that *cared* about his lover as a person - even the one night stands, it doesn’t have to be cared for in the sense of a relationship just cared for in the sense of “having a moment with a unique human being” - has been a partner I enjoyed. And the fact that you’re *asking* that question says you’re not one of the “this is a performance” dudes that Magdlyn and I were talking about in this, this is not, I think though clearly I don’t know you in real life, a thing you need to worry about.
Click to expand...

The vote of confidence does mean a lot, even with the obvious "we don't actually really know each other" caveat. I just never want to be mistaken for one, and minimize accidents based on poor communication. Even if something "feels" good, I never KNOW unless I'm told. As The Animals once sang, "Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood" (though frankly I prefer the Santa Esmarelda cover).
 
Wow, I actually had to think about this one for a minute.

Age: 29
Men: 14
Women: 5
Intersex/female leaning: 1

So 20 in total.
 
Last edited:
Heh.

Age: 49
Sexual partners: 4
... with whom I've had PIV sex: 3

When I briefly dated Spinner a couple years back, we had this conversation, and I got the patronizing sad voiced, "oh, sweetie..."

Which pissed me off. Lol.
Explained that number of partners doesn't mean I don't know what I like in bed (and what to do in bed). I don't think he believed me, but THAT relationship didn't last long, so there ya go. In fact, he's not even in that number. :p
 
My number is 2. My wife was my first when we started dating 16 years ago. I'm her only male partner but she's been with a few women.

Her current girlfriend is my 2nd and that happened about 7 months ago. We tried the whole triad thing but her gf and I are just better at being friends. Lost count of the threesomes, and my wife loved watching her gf give me head.
 
I'm 65, hetero male, have had about 10 to 12 relationships in my life, 2 of which were poly, and about 50 partners.
 
I'm 41. I've been in a committed relationship since I was 17.

PIV is 3. Additional partners in other acts is 2.

I, personally, think poly is about being open to emotional engagement, not shagging randomly (not that there is anything wrong with that, either). The latter view, I think, is a visual created by unhappy monogamists.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top