This could be fun.... need question ideas

whatamIdoing

whatamIdoing

New member
Hey all,

I am carrying on with my new fella via email. It's hard to keep him engaged sometimes, so we are going to play the "question game."

I'm up for any suggestions as to good questions to ask, both sexy and non-sexy. I actually need more help with those.

Thanks in advance!
 
:rolleyes: Well, considering we don't know what you know, its going to be very difficult to figure out what you need to ask. The best way to build questions is take what you know, and figure out what you are really interested in.

If he plays football/baseball/cricket/rugby-- what team, where, why, what position?
If he likes to read-- what kind of books, how often?
If he likes to game-- board, RPG, everything? Is he a GM/DM? What kind of gaming sessions does he like? His longest, his shortest?
Etc., etc., etc.

I don't really have any suggestions beyond taking what you know, finding something that interests YOU about HIM, and asking questions about it.
 
Oh, I barely know anything about him, except EVERY QUESTION YOU ASKED. LOL

He hates sports (all kinds).
He's a gamer, both online and board games. That's how I met him, board gaming.
I know a little about his family and his job.
He told me to ask ANYTHING. I'm trying to get us engaged in more back and forth. He tends to back off and disappear on me.
 
whatamIdoing said:
I barely know ANYTHING about him, except EVERY QUESTION YOU ASKED.. LOL

He told me to ask ANYTHING... I'm trying to get us engaged in more back and forth... he tends to back off and disappear on me...
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Well, you could try google. Lots of relationship question sites.

http://www.examiner.com/interperson...tland/the-20-questions-game-for-relationships

For example, here are the base questions she came up with. Some interesting ones in there, actually.

What's your favorite hiking path in Portland?
If you could make one law that everyone had to follow, what would it be?
What is your favorite memory from high school?
What's your worst memory from grade school?
If you could go anywhere in the world for a month, all expenses paid, where would you go? (Take note, and perhaps you can tailor your next trip to include some of those elements in it.)
What's your idea of the worst job you can ever imagine?
What's your favorite comfort food? (Take note, then when they have a bad day, you can make/get it for them, and they will feel really good that you remembered and care about them.)
What's worse for you, getting too little sleep or not being able to work out?
What do you think your life would be like if you were famous?
Who are your favorite authors?
What's your definition of hell?
If you were going to get a pet, what would you get, where would you get it and what would you name it? (Okay, that is three questions; beware not to make your questions too long or too involved.)
What's your idea of the perfect day?
Would you ever run for elected office?
Who's your favorite local band?
If you couldn't live in the Portland area, where would you live?
What's the craziest living situation you've ever experienced?
If you were given $1000, what would you do with it?
If you were given $100,000,000, what would you do with it?
Whom do you admire the most?
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Hope this doesn't end up being a one-sided conversation specialist. Those are some very difficult people to talk to. :rolleyes:
 
Ariakas said:
You could try Google. Lots of relationship question sites

http://www.examiner.com/interperson...tland/the-20-questions-game-for-relationships

Some interesting ones in there, actually.

Hope this doesn't end up being a one-sided conversation specialist. Those are some very difficult people to talk to.
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I will check the site. Thanks.

I have more day time on my hands than he does, and sometimes we get into some very deep convos. He's very open.

He's viewing this as NSA sex, or that was what I thought. That was the intent, but I need some connection to a person before I bed them. This getting to know you dance is hard enough with someone local and willing to be open. Doing it long distance with a guarded person is difficult.

In addition, we have never discussed polyamory. All he knows at this point is I have "permission" from my hubby to engage in a "relationship" with him.
 
Here is a question to ask yourself:


If you can't think of anything to say to each other, why do you think you want to be in a "relationship" together?



Am I the only one wondering about this? :confused:
 
Oh, I can think of plenty of things to say to him. Just trying to capture his attention. He's heavily scheduled, and when he's interested he responds better.
 
NeonKaos said:
Here is a question to ask yourself: If you can't think of anything to say to each other, why do you think you want to be in a "relationship" together?

Am I the only one wondering about this? :confused:
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Nope, I thought of it too. I was kind of trying to help.

Conversation between potential lovers should never feel like work.
 
NeonKaos said:
Here is a question to ask yourself: if you can't think of anything to say to each other, why do you think you want to be in a "relationship" together?
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Ya know, what you said made me really think about this, so last night I called him, and 2 hours later we had to tear ourselves away from the phone. We have plenty to say to each other. It's text that's an issue for us, and sadly we have to be limited to text most of the time, due to time constraints.

Since I'm not sure he's ever going to be a love of mine, I'm still not sure I belong here.
 
whatamIdoing said:
Since I'm not sure he's ever going to be a love of mine, I'm still not sure I belong here.
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I'm here and I'm in a mono marriage, for now, anyway. I don't even have any potential outside interest. I find that I feel comfortable here, and everyone on this board has great relationship advice, whether it's just between friends, husband and wife, or multiple partners. I love the fact that all types of honest relationships are supported here with no societal, religious or traditional bias.
 
SNeacail said:
I'm here and I'm in a mono marriage... I find that I feel comfortable here, and everyone on this board has great relationship advice, whether it's just between friends, husband and wife, or multiple partners. I love the fact that all types of honest relationships are supported here, with no societal, religious or traditional bias.
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That's a very good point. Thank you.

I think I'm really struggling with this (not having a relationship, but figuring out where to slot him in my life), and my husband is struggling for other reasons, and my head swims, and I don't know what to do, or how to figure it out.
 
whatamIdoing said:
We have plenty to say to each other. It's text that's an issue for us, and sadly we have to be limited to text most of the time.
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I have a friend like this. In person, we have lots to talk about. In text, or even on the phone... *poof* dead air.

I would just continue to tell him about your life, be somewhat vague, and hope that he is interested in you enough to ask you more questions.
 
FlameKat said:
This game could be your opportunity to straighten some things out with this guy.

Ask him where he sees this going, why he wants to muscle in on B's weekends, etc.
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I did ask him, "Where do you slot me in your life?" I continue to await an answer. Interestingly enough, he will talk to me about it on the phone or face to face, but in email he ignores what he does not want to deal with (and he told me so... ugh).
 
whatamIdoing said:
I did ask him., "Where do you slot me in your life.?" I continue to await an answer. Interestingly enough, he will talk to me about it on the phone, or face to face, but in email he ignores what he does not want to deal with.
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Well, some people just can't communicate with that disconnect. You may have to understand his communication style and kind of give up on this.

With email and text, there is a disconnect in how some people communicate. My wife is slowly learning, but its been almost a year of trying. Being a geek, email/text are simple for me. I can maintain conversation without the required physical presence. Some people need to hear the intonation or see the physical nuance during communication. He might not be able to banter because he is missing that. Your best bet may be to meet him where he is comfortable and give him time to come over to the digital side. :)
 
FlameKat said:
That strikes a red flag for me-- probably a baggage thing of mine.

What does he say on the phone/face to face about where he sees it heading?
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Do we have a head-banging smiley? This is all so new. Our only time face to face was when, at the last con, we snuck about an hour of talk time late one night to agree to have NSA sex. That was what we agreed to.

As we started emailing, it started morphing. I never expected to be poly. I just thought he would be a regular long-term once in a while friend with benefits. He is single, never married, and as he said, "What guy in his right mind would turn down NSA sex?"

We have not had any other face time to discuss where we are going or how we feel. We've had one phone convo, but he has said things like:

"We have to get comfortable with each other before we attend that kind of party," i.e., a swingers party. And then I put him in his place, that he would never attend a swingers party with me, as that is not what he is slotted for in my life. I have a perfectly good husband I swing with.

On my saying something he sent me broadened my horizons, he said, "Hmm, so much you shall learn." This set my Dom flags waving. Dude, I'm the teacher here.

Okay, I'm getting way too deep here. So many other things he says that indicate to me he sees this long term.

He and I are making plans to get together on January 8th. He's suggesting plans that will put us too far from his place for what I refer to as "adult time." He's suggesting plans that are downright date-like.

And his emails that I've tried to keep light and fun and flirty? Well, I hear about all the problems at work, and his family. That's girlfriend treatment to me, and he started that from step one.

So if you wanted NSA sex, why are you treating me like a girlfriend? See, this is what made me think that i needed to look at polyamory for us.
 
Sounds to me like you need to put your foot down with where you want this relationship to be, and how its going to go ahead.

Is it still NSA for you? Or do you love this guy now? Either way, you need to be clear on the boundaries that you are comfortable with, not just by reference to B. What makes you comfortable?
 
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