new and confused

N

newconfused

New member
I'm sorry this is long.

My hubby Rob and I decided to have a threesome with a female friend of his (Ann). She approached us. She was interested in having one because she was attracted to us both. She set up a date in which to have her and me go out, in order to get to know each other better, see if I were attracted to her, and see if I wanted to take it further. The date went great and we decided to go back to our house to have some play time.

Ann is very experienced with threesomes and being with women. This was my first time at both. It was understood that I am shy and that she should be the instigator, but I ended up having to come on to her in order to get things going. She was on her period, so it was supposed to be introducing me to everything, and playing with hubby.

Ann ended up making out with us, licking my nipples and touching my vagina, but had no oral sex or interaction with Rob, other than kissing and him touching her breasts.

The next day, I contacted her to see if she was interested in Rob. She said she was, but wanted to take things slow and work up to things. I was fine with that.

I made sure she knew that I was okay with her being with Rob, as long as it was when we are all together. There was not to be anything separate, because we are a package deal, and not interested in having relations solo outside our marriage. Ann agreed to this and basically made us feel like she was in it for the long run, and that we would be considering her our girlfriend.

Before this all happened, she texted Rob constantly, because she had gone through a rough spell previously. Rob wanted to be there to help her through it. After this incident, she slowed down on the texting, and would only reply when we contacted her.

We set a time to meet her for lunch, because we had not seen her in 10 days. The first thing she said was she wasn’t wearing panties. We blew it off as being flirty. While we were having lunch, this guy that frequents the bar came and kissed her on the lips. (He texts her constantly. This is fine because we understand that she has her own life outside of us.)

She came back to our house and hung out for most of the night. Yt was about 12 hours from lunch to when we took her home. While she was at our house, we did not take it sexual, because we wanted her to be able to come over without every time being about sex. During the time she was here she texted a lot.

So, she decided to go home. I went to the bathroom. She had been hovering around Rob, so he decided to grab her butt to see what she would do. She started encouraging him, indicating that she wanted to have sex. She flashed him and asked if he wanted to touch her hair down there. He kissed her and she pushed him away and said she wanted to be a good girl tonight and asked to leave. I took her home by myself. She didn’t make a move on me.

We are all adults. If she doesn’t want to be with us in that way, say so. Don’t tease us. I may end up saying something to her, but I do not want to chase her off, either. Rob and I wanted to have a girlfriend who was our friend first, whom we could trust. But she is sending us mixed signals.

Any comments would be appreciated. We have never done this before. We are not sure if she is just leading us on, or wants us to chase after her. Or maybe we are just reading too much into it?

Thanks!
 
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I picked up two things in your post: Ann said to take it slow, and she is the one who likes to pursue. I also picked up that she is a flirt and jumped ahead to saying she is your girlfriend.

The girlfriend part is a mixed message. I think maybe you should read that as her thinking there might be potential for that. I think I would just flirt and let her make a move. Maybe your move on her was distasteful to her and moving too fast.

I don't like people making a move on me. I am the move maker. If someone makes a move on me, I see is as invading my boundaries and going at a pace that is quicker than I like. It sounds like Ann might be like that. I don't know for sure. You'd have to ask her.

It sounds like a whole lot more communication needs to happen, and perhaps more time needs to be taken.
 
Thanks for the reply, Redpepper. The girlfriend thing is something Rob and I thought of between the two of us, because she was interested in doing things with us that are months away, like going on a trips together, etc.

She implied that the sexual part was going to go in stages, but has had no interest since. She was all hot and bothered about it before, and then nothing after.

She knows that I am shy and that she will have to start things, but then she doesn't want to. She has put me in situations where she is acting like she wants me to touch her or kiss her, but I am not the kind of person to normally make the move. And she knows that.

We are very confused about why she teases Rob, but then does not want to follow through.

Yes, communication is a problem. But now that he does not feel as close to her as a friend, we are hesitant to put it all out there with her.
 
I wish there were labels for everyone. That way, we would all know if the other person is the "move-maker," or the "move-makee." :p
 
LOL I know. Ann knows that she has to be the move-maker, because we are inexperienced. But it seems like she has no interest unless we chase after her. I am just worried that this is going to ruin the friendship.

LT4everu2 said:
I wish there were labels for everyone. That way, we would all know if the other person is the "move-maker," or the "move-makee."
Click to expand...
 
newconfused said:
She knows that she has to be the move-maker, because we are inexperienced. But it seems like she has no interest unless we chase after her. I am just worried that this is going to ruin the friendship.
Click to expand...
Personal opinion: if she knows you are not the move-maker, and she PREFERS to be the move-maker, then she is trying to let you know that she is not interested, yet still stringing you along in typical attention-whore fashion. :( I'm just saying this because it has been our experience. I would corner her on it, and confront her about it. Let her know your concerns and your questions. Why play games? Just ask and get it out in the open. To hell with the guessing game. What's the worst that could happen if you asked? She gets embarrassed and doesn't talk to you for a little while? But if you never ask, you never know for sure, and are always guessing.
 
I agree with LT4. Just ask if she is interested. Maybe tell her that her friendship is more important, so maybe this isn't a good idea for now, and you would rather see what happens. You can also ask her not to lead anyone on without discussing sex ahead of time or intending to follow through. Her mixed messages are confusing. I think her knowing that might help.
 
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