Is it possible to be emotionally poly?

[Tonberry]

I think we all know that some people are more sexual than others, as a general rule. And then, on top of that, one person will be more or less sexual at different times. I think the two are different, though.

A person who is sexual might be more or less sexual depending on their partner, the circumstances, and way they see themselves. However, that implies being sexual to begin with.

While the asexual communities seem to have some "range" (as in, the minimally sexual are welcome too, from what I know), it seems to me they mostly do not have a switch that can be turned off or on. I have no sexual attraction to women, and don't believe that it's about any self-image issue. Some don't have any sexual attraction to men. Some don't have sexual desire for either or any gender.

For me, the hard thing is dealing with it in everyday life, because I tend to be heavy on innuendos and talking about sex, and I might feel awkward in case people would rather not talk about it, or simply would not get it.

But I don't think having no sex drive means they're flawed. To me, that's just the way they are. Sure, biologically we're sexual beings, but we're also supposed to reproduce, and that doesn't prevent people from being gay, right? I don't know, it's a minority, for sure, but that doesn't mean they're "flawed" or need to be "treated."

 

[BlackUnicorn]

Sure, biologically we're sexual beings, but we're also supposed to reproduce, and that doesn't prevent people from being gay, right?

And gay/asexual people can have a desire to reproduce entirely independent of their sexual orientation/lack thereof. Sex for humans (and for some other primates and large mammals) is not solely about reproduction.

 

[Tonberry]

And gay/asexual people can have a desire to reproduce entirely independent of their sexual orientation/lack thereof. Sex for humans (and for some other primates and large mammals) is not solely about reproduction.

Oh, yeah, and you can be straight and not want kids. I was speaking only of biology, but nowadays we get around it one way or the other (with birth control and IVF, for instance).

 

[Penny]

I've been thinking rather a lot about the whole romantic love and sexual intimacy thing as it relates to me and my relationships. I think I am heterosexual but panromantic. I am attracted to a wide variety of people, even physically attracted to them, but there are few that I want full-blown sex with, and even fewer who I want to fuck... and I love fucking. Seriously.

I have a reverence for female beauty. Beautiful (and I have a pretty broad and varied definition of beauty) women make me want to wax poetic. I want to frolic with them, or snuggle up to them. I wax poetic and feel mushily romantic and/or cuddly affectionate towards people who I find attractive, regardless of their genders, really. I am also sexually attracted to individuals across the gender spectrum, getting a thrill from interacting with people I find beautiful and sexy. Still, I pretty much only want to fuck men, which doesn't mean I don't have those mushy, cuddly, romantic feelings toward them, too.

I believe it's possible I could find myself wanting to fuck the right woman (I don't know what would make her the right woman) or person not solidly male. Thumper and I have played with gender roles a bit, which was fun.

I would certainly be open to another woman joining me and my guys (either of them or both) so long as I was also attracted to her and felt comfortable expressing physical affection and some degree of sexual affection, but I don't think I'd want to fuck her or be fucked by her, though I am not philosophically opposed to that, and kinda wish I were more bisexual, because lesbians are hot. lol

So, to answer the OP, yes, I believe it is totally possible to be emotionally polyamorous, and everything in between, all at the same time.

 

[BlackUnicorn]

I have a reverence for female beauty. Beautiful (and I have a pretty broad and varied definition of beauty) women make me want to wax poetic. I want to frolic with them, or snuggle up to them. I wax poetic and feel mushily romantic and/or cuddly affectionate towards people who I find attractive, regardless of their genders, really. I am also sexually attracted to individuals across the gender spectrum, getting a thrill from interacting with people I find beautiful and sexy. Still, I pretty much only want to fuck men, which doesn't mean I don't have those mushy, cuddly, romantic feelings toward them too.

I enjoyed your post because it reminded me of what Flattie said to me the other day while I was snuggling up to her back. 'You know, if I would go for women, I'd take someone with real tits, like you, or H, or K.' As a clarification let me add that she is lovely petite creature herself.

My mum has a theory that gay people just feel attracted to someone they wish they could be more like, or who express their gender identification in a different but exciting way from them. It's horribly biased, of course, but I think it might have a teeny-weeny itsy-bitsy inkling of truth behind it, especially when it comes to straight people having gay crushes.

 

[Penny]

LOL I get gay crushes. I also get crushes on guys I don't want to have sex with. I am also physically, even sexually, attracted to people I don't want to have sex with. It's hard to explain, and I'm still contemplating it and how to articulate it.

 

[IndieSolo]

I get gay crushes. I also get crushes on guys I don't want to have sex with. I am also physically, even sexually, attracted to people I don't want to have sex with. It's hard to explain, and I'm still contemplating it and how to articulate it.

I think, for me, when that happens, it's just a natural attraction that is pretty much a visceral, physical response, but one that for any number of reasons I do not wish to follow up on. We're human beings, we feel attractions. Sometimes it's a pull toward someone we pass in the street, and we don't know why. It could be a feeling that turns into a crush, or a friendship, but doesn't always have to turn into anything. For practical purposes, we shouldn't always act upon this very natural response we feel within ourselves for another. It's just kinda nice to enjoy it when it happens.

 

[Tonberry]

My mum has a theory that gay people just feel attracted to someone they wish they could be more like.

I think no matter your orientation, it's common to love someone you would want to be more like. You admire someone in some ways when you love them, and often you admire them because you feel you "couldn't do that."

And I've always been told that if you want to start dating, or if you're looking for someone, you should become the person you would want to date. And that doesn't mean become a woman if you like women or anything like that, but become passionate, do what you like, etc.

 

[SNeacail]

I think no matter your orientation, it's common to love someone you would want to be more like. You admire someone in some ways when you love them, and often you admire them because you feel you "couldn't do that."

AKA opposites attract. Think magnets, simple physics. I think in relationships, it's a matter of being able to create balance.

To answer the OP's questions-- absolutely!! In fact, this is my situation. My husband has a lady friend. They are not sexual in any form, but they definitely have an emotional connection that goes much deeper than mere friendship. They refer to is as more of a brother/sister type relationship, mostly because that label doesn't infer anything "inappropriate," and that is what she is comfortable with. When my marriage was struggling, I did feel threatened by their emotional intimacy.