I'm a mono in love with a poly girl, and know not what to do

monopolylover said:
I am not saying that there are real polys out there or that the concept is flawed. that is what YOU are putting into the conversation, not me.
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Right. And we are the ones putting "negativity" into this conversation, not you.

Have you learned ANY lessons from your experiences, or have you set yourself up to repeat the same mistakes over and over due to circumstances that are just unfortunately out of your control no matter what?
 
?

I'm sorry. I have had a lot of bad relationships, but I've never dated a con artist before. Even at their worsts I've never dated anyone who sleeps with people to arrange elaborate cons, so there really isn't much reference here to establish a repeating pattern. You are basing your incursion into this thread as a means to accuse something. Maybe this is a repeating pattern with you.
 
Yeah... well, geesh, she sucked. It does sound like she was using poly as a catch phrase to get what she wanted.

There are whole dating sites that use the term polyamory to cover up cheating.

This wasn't polyamory. It seems it was someone scamming you by using that word. I'm glad to hear you recognise that this circumstance was about her, not polyamory as a whole.
 
redpepper said:
Yeah, she sucked. It does sound like she was using polyamory as a catch phrase to get what she wanted. There are whole dating sites that use the term polyamory to cover up cheating. That wasn't polyamory. This was someone scamming you by using that word. I'm glad to hear you recognise this circumstance was about her, not polyamory as a whole.
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Exactamundo! Thank you.
 
redpepper said:
What say you, monopolylover? Sounds like Rose gave you a skewed view of poly, regardless.
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It has a lot to do with the dating pool here in the States. For lack of a better word, Americans are psycho. People are ill-mannered, get butt hurt over the smallest thing, are quick-tempered, and rarely ever honest or forthcoming in relationships.

Most in the US see things like polyamory as an opportunity to do whatever they want, and call it what it isn't. "I screwed a bunch of girls without telling you. Well, that's just polyamory. Don't judge me."

It's just like ADD. Have you ever noticed the insane amounts of Americans who claim to have it, and pump themselves full of drugs for it, yet somehow, with almost identical social demographics, every other major Western country has magically avoided the large number of ADD and AADD cases? When Americans want quick excuses, they never have to look far.
 
monopolylover said:
It has a lot to do with the dating pool here in the states. For lack of a better word, Americans are psycho. People are ill mannered, get butt hurt over the smallest thing, quick to temper and rarely ever honest or forth coming in relationships. Most in the US see things like polyamory as an opportunity to do what ever they want and call it what it isn't. "I screwed a bunch of girls without telling you,.. well thats just polyamory, don't judge me." Its just like ADD. have you ever noticed the insane amounts of Americans who claim to have it and pump themselves full of drugs for it yet somehow with almost identical social demographics every other major western country has magically avoided the large number of ADD and AADD cases? When Americans want quick excuses, the never have to look far.
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While I agree that a lot of Americans are that way to some extent, what is YOUR agenda? You're American, right? These things must also apply to you. You seem to not have to look very far to find the excuses YOU want. If you are not American and that is how you feel, then why don't you go back to wherever you are from?

I am not saying this to be snarky. I'm simply trying to help you out.
 
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NeonKaos said:
While I agree that a lot of Americans are that way, to some extent, what is your agenda? You're American, right? These things must also apply to you. You seem to not have to look very far to find the excuses you want. If you are not American, and that is how you feel, then why don't you go back to wherever you are from?

I am not saying this to be snarky. I'm simply trying to help you out.
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Born in Kentucky, raised in Wisconsin.

I admit, I still feel pissed, and I did a lot of dumb things even being in that relationship. Rose lied to everyone around her, and being part of that still makes me feel sick.

I admit, I was gullible. If I were making excuses, I doubt I'd be admitting to that, but this was hardly a repeat pattern, as you suggested. This was a full-on con artist using polyamory as a tool to manipulate and rob people.

I've dated some psychos before, and I dated two others who were just 'open,' and using polyamory as a means to gratify their own devices and manipulate people. But I've had plenty of good relationships too, and I have known honesty and love in relationships.

You are making too much up on your own from what I've been saying. Yes, I'll say the majority of Americans are some crazy and manipulative people, in comparison to other Western countries. The statistics agree profoundly with that. It isn't just my own personal experience.

That doesn't make me an America basher either. Every country has a sociological dark age (England = the colonial ages/Germany = the early 20th century) and this is still a very young country. We just got done with 8 years of having what has to have been the most retarded and despotic Western leader in the last 70 years, and we even elected the guy president after he stole his first election. If that doesn't tell you there is something just a wee bit off with the population in general, then I simply do not know what else would.

This makes for a precarious social climate, if you prefer not to play games or be played. At times, one or the other is going to happen.

What I am saying is, as far as polyamory, I've expended the chances I can lend to trusting the next Yank who wants to tell me they are doing it and being honest. They may very well be. But I'm not pointing that barrel at my head ever again. I might casually date more, but I am not going to get into plural sexual relationships, as in this climate people tend to over-complicate things, no matter what side of it they are on.

This cowboy is like the wind, and to date the wind, you can't trap it in a box and expect it to still be the wind. It will just be a box of stale air. Isn't that the same thing that any true poly would expect?
 
monopolylover said:
you are making to much up on your own from what I've been saying.
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Stop saying that. Just stop it. All I or anyone else have done is repeat back to you what you said and ask you if that's really what you mean. Then you come back and say we made everything up and then you repeat exactly what you said before already.

I have no further use for this conversation.
 
By the way, don't even think about asking us to delete your posts when you suddenly realize everything that's posted on this forum will show up in a Google search. The answer will be "no". Good night.
 
NeonKaos said:
Stop saying that. Just stop it. All I or anyone else has done is repeat back to you what you said, and ask you if that's really what you mean. Then you come back and say we made everything up, and then you repeat exactly what you said before already.

I have no further use for this conversation.
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Thank you. After seeing how you're now stalking me out on other threads, just to accuse me of more nonsense, I have to agree. You are done.

I hate to point out how typical this is, and how little a surprise it is that you are a fellow American just looking to stir up another forum thread.

Best to not be to snarky or jaded when debating people.
 
NeonKaos said:
By the way, don't even think about asking us to delete your posts when you suddenly realize everything that's posted on this forum will show up in a Google search. The answer will be "no". Good night.
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Umm... I see little point in asking to delete any posts, seeing as you just edited one of yours and trolled me to an entirely different thread just to snark at me. I wish it would be a mystery how your perception of what was written got so warped, but unfortunately the answer is kind of obvious.
 
You posted your tirade in a section where anyone can respond, debate, challenge you as much as they want. Now you're getting mad, and totally twisting and misunderstanding the feedback a Moderator is giving you. I am absolutely certain you are not important enough to NeonKaos for her to follow you around on threads and take potshots at you. Perhaps you just aren't savvy enough to get what's been posted. No wonder you were duped by a grifter.

But did you really think you could come to this board, and trash polyamory and the people who practice it, and not be challenged by anyone? What good does it do you to come here and spew such nastiness?

Obviously you're pissed. You let yourself be someone's patsy. However, if you really wanted support, you would've just told your story without vilifying the poly "dating pool" and polyamory in general. We're just calling you on the carpet for your rudeness.
 
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nycindie said:
I am absolutely certain you are not important enough to NeonKaos for her to follow you around on threads and take potshots at you.
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This is a quote from a thread, that is not this thread, made the same time as Ms Kaos seems to have gotten in a snit over me this evening:

NeonKaos said:
Probably not. The OP says they want accurate information.
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That, after I simply offered contact information for two polys I know in Madison, Wisconsin, where the OP resides. Then magically NeonKaos appeared to post that. Obviously, there was some kind of issue. Hopefully NeonKaos is over it now, as she stated, then edited her own post to restate later, while adding that I would somehow want anyone to delete posts I had made.

Now tell me again about "rudeness," keeping in mind I pack one hell of a screen capture archive for situations just like this one.

I've only "trashed" anyone who has used the idea of polyamory to manipulate people. I never said I myself have never known a real polyamorist. I've just never dated a real one, and the frequency of knowing those who were honest has been rare, in my experience. That is hardly trashing polyamory itself, at all. Much of what I have said was taken out of context by NeonKaos, and likewise, I was given a very rude series of retorts instead of any real conversation.

If you look back on this thread, everyone but NeonKaos has actually been very on the level and adult mannered. I do not deal in absolutes, generalizations or animosity. Somehow though, this seems to be the perception by this individual. I can understand it may be yours now by proxy, not knowing the whole story. That is understandable. Now that all is seen and heard, a better understanding exists. Taken as it is.
 
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monopolylover said:
What I am saying is, as far as polyamory, I've expended the chances I can lend to trusting the next Yank who wants to tell me they are doing it and being honest. They may very well be. But I'm not pointing that barrel at my head ever again.
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That raises a question, then: Why are you here? Why are you participating on these boards at all, if you're uninterested in anything poly for the foreseeable future?

If you're here simply to snark at poly folk, and otherwise troll, I'll suggest simply moving along now. We won't be tolerating any such nonsense.
 
monopolylover said:
This is a quote from a thread that is not this thread, made the same time Ms Kaos seems to have gotten in a snit over me this evening:
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Please note that the mod staff reads most active threads as part of their duties. It is not unusual for a mod to respond in myriad threads--the same as any other random member--while reading them. I seem to be the most reticent to get involved in discussions because I never know how long it will be before I can follow up in any exchange.
 
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