Recent content by Leander

  1. Leander

    Will Smith, Jade Pinkett Smith, and the slap at the Oscars

    I haven't read a relevant interview or heard either of them talking about non-monogamy but I doubt they wanted to be, or wanted to be seen to be, celebrity ambassadors of ENM/poly. I gather they've been candid about their relationship struggles rather than presenting an idyllic PR controlled...
  2. Leander

    Heartbreak

    I feel for you. That is a sad situation. If she still wants to be friends but you're not sure you want that, would waiting a while be ok? (And telling her you're doing that?) Things change with time, can bring forgiveness and acceptance or reveal other aspects to this you can't see now. "At...
  3. Leander

    Damn hippies!

    With the exception of owning crystals that list is spot on for my household! Oh, I'm certainly laughing about it and I do like Jefferson Airplane. I'm not offended if people see me as a hippie. I don't dress or speak in a way that is associated with hippies but my lifestyle and worldview are...
  4. Leander

    Damn hippies!

    It seems to some people polyamory = hippies. Recently I was telling some middle-aged white male monogamous friends who live largely conventional lives about my previous experiences in the city as a poly person. They know I identify as polyamorous but it rarely ever comes up when we chat. At one...
  5. Leander

    Why and how did you get into poly?

    The ideas and concepts of polyamory weren’t something I was aware of until I was in my late 20s. I’d been happily non-monogamous since before high school for the most part, two monogamish relationships notwithstanding. When I came across polyamory and the popular ideas around it online I...
  6. Leander

    What is spirituality?

    By this definition it would be rare for someone *not* to be spiritual. Most would not argue, for example, that they weren't part of some greater collective of beings or being-ness. There should be a word for this in general because so many people fit that description. The closest I can think...
  7. Leander

    Broke a bit of a boundary, need advice ?

    More of what you're already doing. Keep loving them, keep talking and keep trying. Also, try to be compassionate about your own weaknesses without excusing them. Nobody's perfect. Something I've found helpful in the past is playing out a situation ahead of time in my imagination then being...
  8. Leander

    Is their fight my business?

    Nothing new to add except general agreement with the sentiments here. I think I would kindly and politely ask to go for a walk or otherwise sit out such arguments because they aren't about me, even if my presence heightens the tension somehow. Its between them until its clearly not, i.e. they...
  9. Leander

    Openness and other personality traits (link to personality test in thread)

    So, there *is* a trend of higher than normal openness so far. Results from me and my partners:- O: 94% C: 42% E: 73% A: 85% N: 37.5% O: 94% C: 31% E: 71% A: 54% N: 77% O: 96% C: 46% E: 56% A: 94% N: 68% Open-mindedness and being firmly atheist are not necessarily contradictory. You may...
  10. Leander

    Openness and other personality traits (link to personality test in thread)

    Something I am always wondering about is whether polyamorous folk I know have qualities that stand out as common among them compared to monogamous folk. Openness is the obvious personality trait that comes to mind. It does seem that polyamorous people have greater openness than most. That could...
  11. Leander

    New and sad

    “Its happening so fast” is a very common feeling when a partner is first interested in someone else, especially if a relationship starts off with as just two people involved and/or poly is a relatively new thing. At the same time that you’re struggling to examine and process arising strong...
  12. Leander

    Does compromise cause resentment?

    Although you started off as FWB, in simplistic terms it sounds like you have a monogamous heart and she has a polyamorous heart. You can make compromises out of romantic devotion but it will store up problems. Resentment may be among them. Please consider letting go now that the two year...
  13. Leander

    In a polyamorous relationship and have kids? What seems different to monogamous child reering?

    Thanks for those links to previous discussions and your personal account AlwaysGrowing. Never wanted kids in the past for a couple of reasons and still don't due to the Climate Catastrophe and related worries, but if it happened I would feel more confident any children we have could be well...
  14. Leander

    In a polyamorous relationship and have kids? What seems different to monogamous child reering?

    I'm curious about people's experiences raising children in polyamorous relationships. I don't know if many people here have kids but I'd appreciate some discussion, even if its just observation and insights from seeing other polyamorous parents.
  15. Leander

    “Am I The Asshole” (AITA) subReddit - Poly topic

    Bit of a mess! AITA is a bit like a tabloid chat show with no host, so that doesn't make things less messy. While the ex-wife was naive to think posting to a FB poly group would be safe the ex-husband must've wanted some revenge drama to share his story at a place like that. Wonderful! Have to...
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