In a polyamorous relationship and have kids? What seems different to monogamous child reering?
- Thread starter Leander
- Start date
AlwaysGrowing
Well-known member
More adults to love (and spoil and teach and watch out for) the child is the main difference I've noticed.
More adults wanting to be at various events was a struggle during a pandemic and limited capacities at things. The kid has so many things that are "special" with people. A favorite book series with daddy (hubby), a favorite game with boy, a favorite show with mommy (me). Getting dedicated, focused one on one time while Hubby is working his late evenings or I'm out with Boy is one of little girl's favorite things.
Polyamorous parents are just like polyamorous relationships - they can be so different! We are very integrated. Boy doesn't live with us, but he does spend nights here regularly. Holidays, vacations, and other special occasions are usually all of us. He was there the day little girl was born and while he doesn't have parental level input, I do consult him when we're making big decisions and it is in the end of life documents that he is our preferred guardian if necessary.
Other families will be very separate. It's whatever works and is healthy for all involved. For every good example (I like to think we are a good example), there's a bad one (see a recent post about a reddit post regarding a polyamorous mom).
More adults wanting to be at various events was a struggle during a pandemic and limited capacities at things. The kid has so many things that are "special" with people. A favorite book series with daddy (hubby), a favorite game with boy, a favorite show with mommy (me). Getting dedicated, focused one on one time while Hubby is working his late evenings or I'm out with Boy is one of little girl's favorite things.
Polyamorous parents are just like polyamorous relationships - they can be so different! We are very integrated. Boy doesn't live with us, but he does spend nights here regularly. Holidays, vacations, and other special occasions are usually all of us. He was there the day little girl was born and while he doesn't have parental level input, I do consult him when we're making big decisions and it is in the end of life documents that he is our preferred guardian if necessary.
Other families will be very separate. It's whatever works and is healthy for all involved. For every good example (I like to think we are a good example), there's a bad one (see a recent post about a reddit post regarding a polyamorous mom).
Hello Leander,
I have never had kids, but here are a couple of (lengthy) threads we have on the topic:
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
I have never had kids, but here are a couple of (lengthy) threads we have on the topic:
- Children and Polyamory: Merged Threads, General Discussion (General Poly Discussions, 398 posts, 2009-2015)
- What about the Kids? (General Poly Discussions, 207 posts, 2014-2016)
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
Leander
Member
Thanks for those links to previous discussions and your personal account AlwaysGrowing.
Never wanted kids in the past for a couple of reasons and still don't due to the Climate Catastrophe and related worries, but if it happened I would feel more confident any children we have could be well looked after. Obviously I'm going to be biased but the my polycule is full of sensitive, intelligent and resilient people each with experience in teaching or nursing. That combined with our collective income makes me think that if we can't do it, who can?!
Never wanted kids in the past for a couple of reasons and still don't due to the Climate Catastrophe and related worries, but if it happened I would feel more confident any children we have could be well looked after. Obviously I'm going to be biased but the my polycule is full of sensitive, intelligent and resilient people each with experience in teaching or nursing. That combined with our collective income makes me think that if we can't do it, who can?!
We have both “Bigs” and “Littles” . Honestly I feel that having kids makes us more mindful of our relationships and actions. To us the poly part is more focused on the relationship piece and the potential for permanence rather then any sexual component. Mostly because the children are included as we are very kitchen table and any breakups or separations impact them as a loss.