Recent content by mostlymonogamish

I'm resurrecting this long-dead post to offer an update. Lately (for reasons which will soon become evident) I've been contemplating memory, connection, love, and legacy. Though this post was my sole contact point with this community, your advice helped to provide guidance and offer clarity at a...

I second what Karen has said. When I am in a relationship, I'm present with my partner, but there is always a small, detached part of me that simply observes and takes notes. How does this person interact with other people? Do they walk through the world with self-confidence and integrity, are...

So you're all saying that it WON'T be like this song? Because I'm pretty sure it will be exactly like this song. ;) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YeGQXqqvvAY Karen, I agree with you. The situation I described WOULD be codependent. I'm still processing this internally, and it's difficult to...

My issue is this: we have agreed to take a month of separation, during which our relationship is done. We are not together. I need to unvelcro the connection, and spend time focusing on my own creative work. It's difficult, transitioning out of daily loving communication. We are not spending...

I don't want to take up this board's time further on an issue that doesn't deal with polyamory. That said, I think that honesty, vulnerability, and relationship agreements are topics which are germane to any relationship style. In other relationships I've had, the messages themselves might not...

What's interesting is that there never were any fights, never was any devaluation. He treated me like a Queen, with devotion, kindness, respect, patience. He (seemingly) did the work on his end of the relationship, had difficult conversations with me, was kind to my parents, showed me off to his...

Surprising possibly no one except myself, a little, I found out that Peter was exchanging sexts and naked pictures with other women over the course of our relationship. We'd been planning to move in together next month, and had been talking quite seriously of marriage. We've both met each...

There's a splendid documentary called The Aggressives, which focuses on studs. I have only heard it as a term used to describe butches of color. OP, I love me some studs, too! ;)

As I'm understanding the situation (and correct me if I'm wrong), your wife has borderline personality disorder, and Cam was raised by a parent with BPD. I have long suspected my sister of undiagnosed BPD; consequently, I've done an extensive amount of research on the subject. It seems to me as...

Are you seeing a counselor? If not, I suggest that you consider doing so. These are obviously issues that go way deeper than simple texting boundaries. I'm not suggesting you stop posting here, but it is clear that internet strangers are no substitute for a good counselor in your corner. I'm...

One last question: Do you think that the reason you are willing to see yourself as overdramatic is because admitting that your concerns are reasonable means acknowledging all the cracks in the relationship? What would the narrative look like if you WERE reasonable? That might be an interesting...

I'm really glad the hugs made you feel better! That seems like a disturbing dream. In my experience, recurring dreams about one subject are a way for my subconscious mind to get my conscious mind involved, to get me to pay attention to my thoughts and feelings. I wanted to quote some of your...

Reading your accounting of events makes me so very sad. I shared this with my partner, who said, "I just want to give her a HUG," and I feel the same way. You deserve to be valued, because you have inherent worth and value. You deserve to be with a sexual partner who focuses their energy and...

MeeraReed, I suspect that our individual BS meters are similarly calibrated.

This does not sound like healthy relating. You expressed a concern, she responded with emotional manipulation, then you told her you don't care. But you DO care. It sounds as though the two of you need to have an honest conversation, in which you both state your needs and concerns. If your...