Recent content by Violet77

  1. V

    Poly or low swlf esteem

    Yea, you shouldn't sacrifice well being but you will have to make compromises for a good relationship. I guess he couldn't be my primary partner unless he changes alot which he hasn't and won't. I think I'm mad at the things I see in him that I don't like about myself. Like hanging on and...
  2. V

    Poly or low swlf esteem

    And yes, I struggle to let go of my exes and want to fix/help them, maybe that's why it's so engaging to be around him and he doesn't even see it himself. Maybe that's what triggers anger alot, when you see yourself in someone. Also I wanted to say he has women around for when he his main...
  3. V

    Poly or low swlf esteem

    He had a mental health breakdown amd wouldn't listen to the cops when they were arresting him
  4. V

    Poly or low swlf esteem

    Amd I'm disgusted by the gender stereotype as well
  5. V

    Poly or low swlf esteem

    Thank you! That's what I think
  6. V

    Poly or low swlf esteem

    Yes, it's Marcus, I dated a little but didn't find anyone I liked, im conformable being on my own, mostly, sometimes I still struggle but less then I used to. We got back together in September, so 4 months. Yea, I dint think he is a whole partner for me. Thank you for listening
  7. V

    Poly or low swlf esteem

    My preference would be mono first then poly after we are settled. Qualities I want: Smart Integrity Loyal Honest Fun Affectionate Funny Weird Loving Reassuring Good at communicating He doesn't make the cut for everything I want so I was thinking multiple partners could help with that.
  8. V

    Poly or low swlf esteem

    He kind of uses the counselor for chatting, telling her surface things about his every day life, he is required to do counseling because of being on probation. I think he just wants to tell her like surface level things about why he is feeling depressed or struggling. Whaf he does that makes me...
  9. V

    Poly or low swlf esteem

    I see what your saying, I do struggle with judging and am working on doing better because it's more useful to look at what someone's needs and emotions are then judge them as a certain type of person. Yes, I helped him to be ethical about instead of just doing it and lying about it so that is...
  10. V

    Poly or low swlf esteem

    By helping me focus in on what I actually want your helping me feel more empowered to put up a boundary, at least getting closer to it. In response, he doesn't ask me to be the helper friend, I just see these issues on my own and find it hard not to try to help him. It helps me to not feel so...
  11. V

    Poly or low swlf esteem

    I guess I could let him deal with his stuff but I'm the only one who tells him the truth and doesn't enable him. He's traumatized, his counselor doesn't even know because he keeps everything surface level with everyone
  12. V

    Poly or low swlf esteem

    Since I jave been loving myself more I fond it easier to stay in the moment and not feel upset/think about what he is doing
  13. V

    Poly or low swlf esteem

    I'm trying to decide if I make different decisions or stay and have another partner. Also when I leave him alone about the other women we get along great so perhaps I can go that route
  14. V

    Poly or low swlf esteem

    Yes, I did used to always need men's attention and validation to feel ok. Yes, I am getting counseling and doing better, thank you for asking! I know the main point of this space is to work on ourselves but. I just see this as a cycle in alot of people, trying to claim they are just a certain...
  15. V

    Poly or low swlf esteem

    Hello, I feel like the person I am dating stays in contact with his exes and wants to "be friends" with women that he finds attractive because he has low self esteem and needs their validation/attention. He thinks it's because he is naturally poly (he heard my take on poly and also follows a ho...
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