My boyfriend wants to share me with another man. We agreed to meet one guy, but I only consented to it so I could get to know him first. I’m not into those things; I am very sexual, but only with my partner. This has been so difficult because I’ve always felt the need to feel protected, and this feels like the total opposite.
The guy came over, and we were all talking and asking each other how we felt about the situation. When he asked me, I told him I was sad—that I still didn’t ‘get’ the whole thing and felt like my boyfriend and I were losing each other. As I was speaking, the guy started to touch my knee through the holes in my ripped jeans. I had been very clear that I only agreed to meet him to get to know him. None of this was easy for me, and I needed time; I only consented to a meeting based on mutual respect, making it known that it was for conversation only.
As he was touching me, all I could think was: How can my partner see this, hear me saying how sad and uncomfortable I was, and completely ignore me to satisfy his sexual desire of seeing another man touch me? When he reached my privates, I just got up, said, ‘I can’t do this,’ and ran to the bathroom. I sat on a bench and started crying. I had a panic attack, and my fiancé immediately came after me, so the other guy left.
That moment changed me. I was so disappointed and sad; I couldn’t understand how my person could see me so vulnerable and trying to fight for our relationship, yet only care about his own needs. I know my fiancé loves me, and I love him too, but I don’t know how to go back to who we were before all of this. I adore him, but I feel like he killed the magic we had, and I don’t know how to get it back.
I’m not even jealous of him anymore. I have always been very caring and loving, but now I hold back when I go to hug him. I stop myself when I spontaneously feel like kissing him. Since this happened, I haven’t been the same. I’ve been having frequent panic attacks lately; this really broke me. I just wanted to feel loved and protected, but instead, I am traumatized by this experience, and it has completely changed my relationship with my partner.
The guy came over, and we were all talking and asking each other how we felt about the situation. When he asked me, I told him I was sad—that I still didn’t ‘get’ the whole thing and felt like my boyfriend and I were losing each other. As I was speaking, the guy started to touch my knee through the holes in my ripped jeans. I had been very clear that I only agreed to meet him to get to know him. None of this was easy for me, and I needed time; I only consented to a meeting based on mutual respect, making it known that it was for conversation only.
As he was touching me, all I could think was: How can my partner see this, hear me saying how sad and uncomfortable I was, and completely ignore me to satisfy his sexual desire of seeing another man touch me? When he reached my privates, I just got up, said, ‘I can’t do this,’ and ran to the bathroom. I sat on a bench and started crying. I had a panic attack, and my fiancé immediately came after me, so the other guy left.
That moment changed me. I was so disappointed and sad; I couldn’t understand how my person could see me so vulnerable and trying to fight for our relationship, yet only care about his own needs. I know my fiancé loves me, and I love him too, but I don’t know how to go back to who we were before all of this. I adore him, but I feel like he killed the magic we had, and I don’t know how to get it back.
I’m not even jealous of him anymore. I have always been very caring and loving, but now I hold back when I go to hug him. I stop myself when I spontaneously feel like kissing him. Since this happened, I haven’t been the same. I’ve been having frequent panic attacks lately; this really broke me. I just wanted to feel loved and protected, but instead, I am traumatized by this experience, and it has completely changed my relationship with my partner.
