I tried polaymory

And now I am single, just focusing on myself and not any kind of relationship... I think I will always consider myself a relationship anarchist, but that means that I'll always put myself at the top of any hierarchy. And hierarchy is what made me stop dating all together.

Monogamy felt suffocating and I was neglected. I tried polyamory hoping to find community and some semblance of family, because when my mom dies I'll be basically alone. And everything I read or saw about poly relationships preached about open communication and stuff.

Every person I tried to date said they were good at communication. (They weren't, and most of the time deeply lacking in any kind of self-awareness or empathy toward me and my feelings, which was no different than when I dated monogamously.) They were never realistic with their ability to give me the time and energy that I wanted and needed to feel safe enough to be with them long-term.

At the end of it all, I left feeling used for sex (I'm sorry, but it really just seems like most married poly ppl don't have sex with their spouse so they decide to open up the marriage to avoid cheating, and if that offends you, oh well, maybe you shouldn't give some random person on the internet power over your emotions) or used in other ways, like for a place to say.

The unicorn hunting was... well, awful. I'm not even into women that much, and to expect me to want to be with the guy and his girl or vice versa and not anyone else always seems predatory as hell to me. And it's like... the lacking of self-awareness here, too. It's literally a unicorn bc it is impossible to find.

Welcome. You will find this forum leans heavily against unicorn hunting and couple-dating in general. There are several examples of happy long-term polyamorous relationships among the regulars that have made it way past sex-focused "dating", but it's usually a 'V' or a more complicated network. There is one cohabitating polyfidelitous V, and more often the 'hinge' partner will go between partners (and homes) sharing time and space with each.

Tinwen said:

Welcome. You will find this forum leans heavily against unicorn hunting and couple-dating in general. There are several examples of happy long-term polyamorous relationships among the regulars that have made it way past sex-focused "dating", but it's usually a 'V' or a more complicated network. There is one cohabitating polyfidelitous V, and more often the 'hinge' partner will go between partners (and homes) sharing time and space with each.

Click to expand...

I didn't mean here as in this forum I just meant on the subject of unicorn hunting. thanks for the welcome. I'm just trying to find somewhere I belong in this world.

Greetings goldenarias,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I'm very sorry that you had such an awful experience with polyamory, I hope Polyamory.com helps you get some healing from all of that. Unicorn hunting is very widespread, which is unfortunate, also there are a lot of polyamorists who are poor communicators, as well as focused on sex rather than love. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you can find a prince. I don't blame you for wanting a rest from all of that.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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