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One of the other issues that's complicating this is that he is very instable in his head, too; he doesn't deal with all this drama well, and shuts down, physically and mentally. It's not just about me; his girlfriend recently left her long-time live-in boyfriend over a number of issues I don't...

It does help, actually, and articulates what's been bothering me so much. I can't grieve for myself, because I can't talk to him about it, and if I do, or show grief, he makes it about his misery and guilt. I like the ring theory. Maybe if we institute that, we can stop running in circles of...

I don't think it's a control thing, honestly; I do know he has a lot of insecurities about this poly thing... especially regarding this guy. AVoiding this problem in the future is going to be a bit easier, now (thanks to the advice here) -- but the problem is putting things back together. HE...

I've been there. and ultimately, I had to make the same choice. I simply don't have the strength to keep someone alive. That is too great a burden for someone to have to deal with. It's a place I'm standing on the precipice for once again, if in a different way. Ultimately, I am responsible...

He struggles a lot with this. It's definitely not easy for him. Even his own relationships. He's already stated that if it doesn't work out, we're going to get a divorce, because he understands that this is who I am, and he can't ask me to be monogamous anymore. he has gotten a lot better...

I recently told my 6 and 8 year olds about our polyamory. I wasn't really wanting to, but my husband insisted; he's been bringing his girlfriends home, and spending time around the kids, and was tired of having to hide hand-holding and snuggling. So we told them that sometimes grownups love...

THanks. One thing he has said to others (myself and his girlfriend) is that I'll do anything to be with my ex. Except I won't. I've proven that unequivocally.

That could be it. It was fully laid to rest, yes; we went through counseling, an that was well before we had kids. It could very well be tickling that back bit of his brain. No, it wasn't my ex; that affair was thankfully emotionless. There has never even been the slightest impropriety between...

I don't understand it, either. I don't see how it makes a difference whether I met him 20 years ago, or 20 minutes ago, you know? To me, it would actually be better, because this is a person I can trust and know won't take advantage of anything, who cares about him, too.

I don't know that I'm asking advice; I have made my decision, and I"m sticking to it. My husband and I have been pretty successfully poly for about four months. He has three women he's interested in; one he's madly in love with, one he's just dating, and another who's a regular playmate. I...

I was you for a long time. Before we decided to try out poly, I was seriously suffering in the libido department. YEARS. WE've been together 16, married for 12, and in that time, he spent much of it suffering in agony. Like yours, he needed sex to feel loved. It took going poly for our sex...

That is also likely male vs female; by default, women will get more responses from men. All I have to do is switch my preferences from "bisexual women only" to "everybody" and I'm swamped with men. That happened with the first girl my husband dated. She made no mention of her BDSM tendencies...

He's targeted towards poly people anyway by questions, but he's talked to many non-poly people, with varying degrees of success. Honestly, it IS a numbers game. Dating just is, anyway! The woman he met Thursday is poly. Her husband came home while they were together, and while it kinda killed...

OKC has been pretty productive for my husband. He went out with a girl last night who ended up being pretty good; they even made it to the bedroom, and while it ended before they were ready to, they both want to do it again. He went on another date earlier in the week. I guess it depends on a...

Honestly? YOu sound very insecure in your relationship, and that's a bad way to start poly. Poly isn't about holding on to people; you don't decide to be poly to keep someone from leaving you. "IF you love it, let it go," right? You need a secure, solid relationship FIRST before opening it...

I detest that phrase. I once cheated on my husband; that does not mean I am a cheater. The idea is that once you've screwed up, you can never ever not be screwed up in the future is sad and offensive. I will never cheat again. And as someone who lives with an alcoholic husband, comparing the...

This is definitely his explicit request. He actually would kinda like me to set him up on a blind date! I know his tastes very well. We talked about the sorts of things he would like (and not like) yesterday. I think he's as excited about this as I am. You are absolutely right, and that's an...

I've said this often over the years, but lately, it's settled as a reality, for me. Some background. I've been with my husband for 16 years, married for 12. We have two beautiful children. I love him deeply, and even though he has dealt with many issues (addiction, alcoholism, etc) we have...