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I found it much easier to distinguish "who" and "whom" after learning a second language. English is weird, because nouns and articles don't decline anymore, but pronouns still do. In some British dialects, just 50 years ago, you could hear not just "he" and "him," but also "hine." In those...

I am glad that you have local friends who are checking in with you, LR. And I'm so sorry that you're hurting.

Qouarin, I'm sorry they said that. That was pretty rude and invalidating. No one is better equipped to know how you feel than you do. Occasionally, bisexual people even hear that from their gay and lesbian friends. I had some really painful coming out conversations with a couple of lesbian...

I am a mono person whose partner of 10 years discovered last year that he would like to have multiple partners and is planning to open when I file my dissertation. Our situation is a little different from yours: He hadn't always had trouble with monogamy-- he got surprised by falling in love...

I wish there were a way to send you a stretch of peaceful time in which you had nothing to worry about. I'm glad you heard from Maca.

newtoday, I thought you were asking why people hadn't replied to what you'd observed. I was telling you why I *personally* hadn't replied to what you'd observed, not being able to speak for anyone else. I'm sorry if I misunderstood you.

newtoday, I was bullied and emotionally abused during childhood and early adulthood. It has been a big help to me to have a partner who is understanding and who supports my growth and health. I would find behavior like Debbie's nightmarishly triggering, were it coming from a partner. But one...

Clockwork Dragon, I'm sorry that your metamour's mother reacted so badly. If Xicot and I manage to stay together through opening, I can envision part of my extended family reacting this way. Not sure that it helps, but I am guessing there is a *lot* going on within the mother besides the anger...

Lizzy, I can't tell you what's right for you. But I can share a post I read every once in a while, when it has started to seem as if I *have* to stay, even if I can't handle what that entails: http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2008/01/07/you-dont-have-to-do-it/ You can walk away, if you...

Yup. That was my reaction, too. People are different. What is natural for you, OP, is not necessarily natural for me. What is better for you is not necessarily better for me. Maybe your lover isn't as reactive to this kind of language as I am. But if he or she is, get rid of this sentence. You...

It is good to know what your deal-breakers are and to honor them. When Xicot and I were starting to date, I said, "I know you are not a Christian, and that is fine with me-- my last long-term boyfriend was not either. I am not going to try to convert you. But if my being Christian is a problem...

Congratulations to you! And welcome to the world, little ones!

Kevin, I hear you. I have a family member whose behavior patterns fit the description of narcissistic personality disorder pretty well. When we spend time together, I find myself torn between great sympathy and frustration. It's hard to watch someone you care about heading for a lonely old age...

It's really hard to be patient while healing, isn't it? If only cats could be trained to vacuum and do laundry... I hope that resting it helps, and that you find ways to get some people time without aggravating it.

Good luck to you both, whatever happens. I know how hard it is to navigate that kind of conflict.

*waving hello* It sounds as if you're really struggling to get your spouse to accept this newly revealed part of you. I empathize with that-- that is really hard. One thing concerns me here: she says she's monogamous and monoamorous. Do you have any reason not to take her word for it? Is there...

Humans are also not very good at risk-assessment. As you've pointed out, in the case of someone in an adulterous relationship, that might mean seriously underestimating the likelihood of getting caught. In my case, it typically means not taking risks that a lot of people would consider...

Might I amend that to "enlightened long-term self-interest"? I can see someone arguing that if monogamy is an institution not worthy of respect, then respecting agreements someone else has made in it is against your interests, insofar as that agreement conflicts with what you want. (I think...

Inyourendo, maybe you didn't mean to be dismissive, but your advice here sounds either like, "I know you say you're mono, but maybe you aren't really!" or "Did it occur to you that you wouldn't be having this particular problem if you weren't mono?" I know that I find advice that boils down to...

Your mileage may vary. I'm also in California, and when I told my gynecologist that my partner was interested in having other partners and that I would like a full range of current STI tests for his (and his prospective partners') peace of mind, she ordered a complete set of tests, including...