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I am flattered by the comparison, but unlike me, you have taken the high road. I wish I had the rigor, guts, honesty to have chosen that path, but I didn't. And to be honest, from the very little you described your situation in your thread, your relationship does not seem to have issues besides...

Ideally yes, but I've come to realize it may be impossible and most people posting here seemed to agree

Yes - I feel a strong desire for her, stronger than for other girls who may be prettier / skinnier / younger. But the connection is not satisfying because the actual sexual act is simply too frustrating. And there is no eroticism outside of the bedroom.

If she had no sex drive I would have given up a very long time ago. The thing is that she does have a sex drive. After many years together she finally admitted she sometimes masturbates, and most of the time when we have sex she comes (although it was more like 25% of the time 15y ago). The...

I only have second hand experiences on that, but I think it's not uncommon in situations like yours that the partner who gets asked to open the relationship be the first one to experiment. It may require patience, but if you allow that first phase, it might make everyone more comfortable with...

I admire your braveness MrMatou

We have seen a couples therapist, and we did learn some tricks, but overall the therapist was way too passive and did not help much. Not sure if it was before or after that, but on a couple of occasions I suggested either seeing a therapist, or going to some kind of sex workshop, my wife was...

Thanks for the suggestion but this does not apply here.

If she was clear that sex is not important to her, at least it would make it easier for me to make the point that she can not possibly expect me to be sexually faithful. But where I lost a lot of time is that she has always been very ambiguous about her stance. For years it was very difficult...

I am not asking anyone to hate her desires. I am just saying that in any other field, if a partner is not doing what 99.9% of people consider is what partners should do in a relationship, everybody would be supportive of the person complaining not getting them. I don't see why sex is the one...

Absolutely. I am not saying it's right to seek validation. I was just pointing out why I may have done bad choices.

I am not going to enter into details, but when you say that her 'good sex' might not be wrong is simply not true. There are some absolutes in all fields, and it's not simply a question of 'compatibility'. When it gets to the point where - her body is like a minefield where the slightest...

FallenAngelina, thanks for your compassion. I may not deserve it as much, but your post highlights the fact that things are not so black or white as people want to make it look. To take an analogy, I remember how, when I was a teenager, some of my friends who were hiding the most and/or lying...

Could be. But as much as this relationship has opened my eyes on taking more active steps to end my marriage, I am pretty clear that if I do divorce it will not be solely in order to jump in a full time relationship with her, which, as you say, might not even be a possibility.

Nice quote. The way I put it to her a while back when I felt that sexually we had not made much progress is that I felt that I was kind of halfway my sexual life, and I did not intend my second half to be as dull as the first one...

Well as much as I think sex is extremely important, I would have thought that a marriage has all kind of other dimensions to it. It does weigh on me, but as in many things in life, there are ups and downs. Sometimes things temporarily improve, a few weeks pass at home without major crisis, and...

This is a very interesting explanation. She kind of introduced me to the poly world, and the way she presented things seemed to have to do not so much with loving many people, but rather with hanging out with several people but loving none of them. Setting aside the fact that she genuinely...

For as far as I remember, I've never really had a satisfactory sexual life with my wife. I am totally aware that years of marriage / kids can spoil the sex, but it's just that with my wife it's never really been great. There is a lack of passion, too much inhibition on her side. I made...

For a starter it's great that you have been discussing all these things with your bf before doing it rather than after. Your bf telling you he wants you to be happy is a first great step, but if you're serious about being poly, this is something that he needs to accept as something...

Thanks for your testimony, this is helping me get more courage to consider doing what in the end could be better for all of us. Many people seem to concur with you regarding that I need to focus on my primary and my issues first, but I think this is all a very simplified approach to life. I do...