Search results

I take it both you and your husband are both getting the same testing under the same deadline/criteria?

Since these needs being met or not seem to be at the center of your back and forth, can you clarify what you are referring to? You broke it off with J because E started meeting your needs again, and your interest in J dropped off in equal measure. However, you are still interested in being...

With the layers and layers of resentment, misunderstanding, quiet disdain, sexual frustration built up over years in a traditional relationship, there is little chance that the relationship will be able to handle a monumental change like "opening up". That's not to say that it can't happen, but...

This whole situation sounds like a bit of a powder keg. Are you concerned about the longevity of your association with these people? Having a third of my polycule experiencing what I would classify as some pretty intense feelings of jealousy and fear would be a big red flag to me. It sounds...

Are you comfortable with this aspect of your personality? Have you ever worked with a therapist on separation anxiety and your insecurities? It's super common to have these kinds of personality quirks, but it isn't something that I personally want to have in my life. For me, the goal should be...

Autonomy is a concept that varies from person to person, and polyamory is no different. Autonomy is a central concept in any associations I have, but it is a concept that is a secondary concern at best for other people. These statements of absolute finality should be dismissed, as no one...

The short answer is that he needs to re-frame how he is looking at this situation. Instead of allowing these doom images to continue roaming around in his head, he needs to re-frame it into something closer to gratitude. He needs to start focusing on how glad he is that you are able to have so...

There isn't anything particularly interesting about your situation. This is something that happens all of the time. The reality is that the solution is always going to be the same: improve your healthy sense of self and let other people live their lives. It is completely normal and common to...

You sure said it: she's on a freight train. You can either get on it, get out of the way, or get crushed by it. But the train is moving forward, regardless of what you do. Personally, I don't think it's right or wrong. She's living her life, and good for her. However, this certainly leaves you...

I'm pretty confused about who is who in this story, but I gather that you have one (or more) partners who are asserting that they no longer want you to date someone else? Or at least that they want you to adjust an aspect of one of your other associations? Regardless of the details, my answer...

While I don't agree with putting rules on people like "yes you can go, but no you can't stay all night", there is a bigger issue at play here that I hope you do some introspection about. He has clearly demonstrated that he doesn't care about your rules, and has repeatedly established that he...

It's a real shame that every conversation needs to have a rant about patriarchy and feminism duct taped to it.

Her having her sexual autonomy would certainly help restore her sexual autonomy. Personally I think she's making a mistake in asking you for permission to regain her sexual autonomy. It's confusion to think that someone can *give* us our autonomy, it's something that we either take for...

I'd let go of this kind of reaction entirely. I suppose it's possible that they were trying to mislead you, but that doesn't really line up with reality since they described their situation to you shortly after you met. Honestly, I think they are a champ for even trying to give polyamory a...

There's certainly nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't sound like he is comfortable expressing this to you. Breaking agreements is a sign that someone is agreeing to something that they don't actually want. It's pretty clear that he doesn't want this pseudo open MFF relationship with you...

Become a grand master at gracefully receiving unfortunate news.

You are individuals who have different ideas on how to approach a situation. Is there a reason that you can't both handle the situation in your own way? She can give him space, and you can check in on him and be more connected? Am I understanding the context of your question correctly?

If you want to spend time with someone, invite them to do something with you (something specific). I personally recommend against the "let's talk about our relationship. I'm feeling neglected and I want you to spend more time with me" conversation. I know it sounds like good communication, but...

Admitting that it is based in insecurity is a huge first step; good on you.

You can propose whatever rules you want, and she will need to tell you whether or not she agrees to it. The more important part of this rule is related to why you want it. Any time we want to restrict someone else's behavior to suit our insecurities, the big thing is to make sure you are...