Hi everyone,
I am not here to bash my wife as I love her dearly and she is very important to me.
She asked me to open our relationship two and a half months ago in early August, at the time she was sexting a coworker in another state.
I was taken by complete surprise, She said she was unhappy and our relationship had been on auto pilot for awhile. I do accept my part of that, as it was easy to fall into habits.
I started to do the work and she ran as fast as she could into this, Five weeks after initially asking for the open relationship. She had met another man. She had told me he was just offering guidance and advice on how to handle my attachment issues, a few days later she told me they were flirting, a few days after that they were meeting, and now they are dating weekly.
When I realized I was having very strong emotions about it, I started trying to catch up. Seeing a poly friendly counselor weekly, Reading as much as I could on my issues. My logical side is okay with this, but my emotional side is overwhelming.
And yes I begged her to slow down, so I could catch my breath, but she would not.
I now find myself having to deal with he realities of this situation, and feel nowhere near where I should be. I have accepted that she is in another relationship and I am trying very hard to not make her miserable by being miserable myself. Since the start of this, our relationship has actually gotten better. But with every reassurance she has given being proven wrong within a week of it being given, my trust has wavered and I had found myself being afraid of every conversation and what was coming next.
I have considered leaving, but I would regret that as this could be wonderful. But having to deal with this at such a pace has left me no time to process anything and I am feeling very out on a limb.
She has made concessions, such as only having one outside relationship at the moment, but has made it very clear that there will be more in the future. So I am doing the work and I hope to get a handle on my attachment issues and old wounds.
She has asked me to come here for advice many times but feeling as vulnerable as I have been feeling, I was afraid of toxic comments and the old "get over it" internet answers. So if anyone has any advice, I really could use it right now.
we have both made mistakes in this, we didn't even know about polyamory until a few week into this. I do love her and she is worth this to me. So I have hope that I can recover and move forward with her in my life.
I am not here to bash my wife as I love her dearly and she is very important to me.
She asked me to open our relationship two and a half months ago in early August, at the time she was sexting a coworker in another state.
I was taken by complete surprise, She said she was unhappy and our relationship had been on auto pilot for awhile. I do accept my part of that, as it was easy to fall into habits.
I started to do the work and she ran as fast as she could into this, Five weeks after initially asking for the open relationship. She had met another man. She had told me he was just offering guidance and advice on how to handle my attachment issues, a few days later she told me they were flirting, a few days after that they were meeting, and now they are dating weekly.
When I realized I was having very strong emotions about it, I started trying to catch up. Seeing a poly friendly counselor weekly, Reading as much as I could on my issues. My logical side is okay with this, but my emotional side is overwhelming.
And yes I begged her to slow down, so I could catch my breath, but she would not.
I now find myself having to deal with he realities of this situation, and feel nowhere near where I should be. I have accepted that she is in another relationship and I am trying very hard to not make her miserable by being miserable myself. Since the start of this, our relationship has actually gotten better. But with every reassurance she has given being proven wrong within a week of it being given, my trust has wavered and I had found myself being afraid of every conversation and what was coming next.
I have considered leaving, but I would regret that as this could be wonderful. But having to deal with this at such a pace has left me no time to process anything and I am feeling very out on a limb.
She has made concessions, such as only having one outside relationship at the moment, but has made it very clear that there will be more in the future. So I am doing the work and I hope to get a handle on my attachment issues and old wounds.
She has asked me to come here for advice many times but feeling as vulnerable as I have been feeling, I was afraid of toxic comments and the old "get over it" internet answers. So if anyone has any advice, I really could use it right now.
we have both made mistakes in this, we didn't even know about polyamory until a few week into this. I do love her and she is worth this to me. So I have hope that I can recover and move forward with her in my life.