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Well... maybe while you wait for her to get past the break up, you clarify to yourself what YOU want and seek. What is and is not acceptable. Then when you and wife talk again you can evaluate if what she wants aligns with what you want or if it does not. See if you two are still compatible. GG

You are still healing from a lot of things. It's ok to be in an "exploring" chapter of life. Even in monogamy, people don't "go steady" from date 1. It's ok not to be looking for that right now. If you are dating for short-term relationship, be clear on that from the start with your potential...

You ending it with both of them is not a veto. You are allowed to have your dealbreakers. Everyone can have those. It's not you punishing either of them. It's you taking care of you. You don't stay in things that push you past your limit of tolerance. You don't have to tolerate it. Yes. And...

No actual aggression meant. I know internet does not convey voice tone/inflection nor body language. I know for people not used to direct communication, it can come across as strong. You may not be able to help your feelings. You do get to choose your behaviors. If OtherHusband is not...

For me, it would be "sharing life" not "building life" together. Really, it is all "sharing life," but I'm just not in my 20s anymore, like, starting career, thinking about having kids, etc. YKWIM? Maybe looking at this relationship menu will help you articulate what sharing midlife could be...

This seems like a lot of things too fast if it's only been a year. "Change" is not "destruction." Neither of the spouses can MAKE you stick with monogamy if you don't want it anymore. But they don't have to sign up for a new deal called "polyamory" either. Your wife consents and seems...

I'm sorry you are going through this. Honestly? Stay broken up with him. And if you haven't already? End it with her. With the drinking and the lies and the drama and lack of personal responsibiltiy/accountability... why would you want to deal in either of them, much less change from triad...

You seem to need to air out somewhere. I don't know if this helps you any. This stuck out to me. I mean all this kindly, ok? Internet people might be able to help with one or two things, but you have a lot going on. I think you might want to talk to a counselor so you get some support through...

Thank you for more info. You have a LOT going on. I encourage you to talk to a counselor to help you identify all the layers and then help you make a strategy for addressing each one and in what order. Internet people might be able to give you ideas for one or two things, but I really think...

These stuck out to me, but I'll put them in a separate post. It may not be something you can address with your wife right now. But you might want to talk it over with a counselor for when you do want to talk to your wife about it. Who do you want to hear that from? Your wife? Does she treat...

I'm sorry you were hurt traumatically when you were younger. Nobody deserves that. "Polyamory" is not the broad word. "Non-monogamy" is the broad word. The other words you used -- swinging, polyamory, KTP, a cuckold kink -- are types of non-monogamy. Like "soup" is the broad word. And tomato...

Thank you for more info. Your feelings are okay. You two can feel whatever you feel. But your behaviors matter. What does "trying to make it work" even mean when she doesn't have healthy polyamory to offer you right now? What do you hope will happen? To me, it sounds like she is...

"Polyamory" means "many loves." It sounds like you and wife are looking more for "open to casual sex" from your post. Is that true? I'm glad you stopped doing group sex. It's not a requirement in polyamory. It's also not a requirement in open relationships. You and your wife could share casual...

Who told you all that? Husband? Lady? Both? Is Lady oversharing stuff from that side of the V on to you rather than just dealing with it herself? How long is this break? A week? A month? At the end of that time, if Lady is still dragging it out, I think that's where you get to tell her, "I'm...

I don't know if it helps you any. Here are some thoughts. Take your time reading it. Honestly, it sounds like you are being more realistic than him at this time. Even if the nitty-gritty logistics of breaking up are scary to think about, since you've been together a long time, breaking up and...

It sounds like your desired outcome is a smooth transition into a sort of open/poly "mixed marriage," where-- - You date on your side for casual sex, but are monoamorous, and only want to share romance/love with your husband. - Your husband dates on his side for casual sex and polyamory. He...

All anyone needs to break up is: “I don’t want to do this anymore.” She doesn’t want to do a triad anymore. That’s enough reason. Expecting to feel exactly the same about two partners in a triad is unrealistic, IMO—but those are her beliefs to manage, not yours. You already have enough on your...

While I'm sorry to hear about the breakup, I think ending it with Brian was the right call in this situation. You don’t deserve abuse or domestic violence, and there were clearly many other compatibility issues as well. I’m glad you’re away with safe friends who can listen and validate that...

I'm sorry that happened. It adds more things to both sides. On his side, Brian has to stay sober and not do that anymore. So far so good. But you know what? You aren't responsible if he stays sober and stops hitting or not. You aren't there to be the target any more. On your side, it sounds...

Why does Brian even have the passcode to your devices? Change your passwords. Ask him to change his. No. Even if you reclaim your autonomy and stop being so CoupleBlob on your side, if you two even stop living together so both are more independent, that is only part of the story. Doing those...