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When you say "his" and "him" there do you mean Brian or Aaron? Like Brian has some kind of attitude around your feelings for Aaron? Or did you mean something else? But why are you even discussing it with Brian? If you and Brian have regular dates this semester on Tues and Fridays, can't you...

I'm sorry. FWIW, I think you have many reasons to break up with Brian. You got together at 24 yrs old. Brian was your first serious relationship. Usually the first young adult relationship is also the first big break up. There are a lot of changes and growth in that time. Who we are as late...

I don't know if this helps you any. I think you could be less involved in your partner's other dating life. It's your job to educate yourself on polyamory. It's not your job to educate your meta. Yes, you can hope for that. But you can't force it. You are not the only people in the mix who'd...

It sounds like you’re in a really painful spot. On one hand, you don’t trust your wife’s version of events and want clarity to rebuild trust. On the other, you’re not sure you’re ready to hear the truth if it could mean breaking up. Hoping the hurt will fade by avoiding the topic won’t make it...

Most welcome. I'm glad the responses from readers helped you some. I imagine this whole thing is super hard. GG

Like a trial separation, or they are divorcing? Honestly, it doesn’t matter whether he pushes her or not—that’s not your responsibility. She’s the one who has to deal with him. You don’t have to deal with him at all. If she complains to you about it, you get to say, "I'm sorry he's pressuring...

So take a break, and don't play "happy family" this year, when it just isn't all that happy for you. If anyone in her family asks why you are skipping holidays and are away this year, be honest: "It's not great holidays for me. I need some time apart while she figures out what to do about her...

So... why's he going to get drunk with your assailant, much less share sex with Chloe? He didn't dump her as his friend once he heard she violated you? You could end it with both of them. Get away from these unsafe people first, and then process this away from both of them, with a counselor...

I don't know if this helps you any. But these stuck out to me. If you are his dependent, then you do need to worry about money. If you don't have separate banking already, make it so. There could be a joint account for home bills and kid bills, then his personal and your personal accounts...

I'm sorry this is happening like this. Definitely read the "poly hell" article. It's not terrible. It's human. You are clinging to the idea of a primary-secondary model, where you are the primary, because you don't want polyamory at all. You want monogamy. You want your marriage to be enough...

It might be worth examining that with your counselor. Why are you scared of losing your wife as your wife? Where is she actually going to go? You have kids — even if you divorced, you’d still be in each other’s lives as co-parents. It’s not the same as staying married, but if she decides she...

I'm sorry you are struggling. To me, this is a double affair, and not anything akin to ethical polyamory, where all parties know and consent. On your side, you know about it now. But it's basically a cheating affair in the open, rather than behind your back. To the other spouse, it's a...

Again, people can think whatever, even wrong things. Maybe don't ask the question next time, and/or learn to be okay with people thinking whatever. You are not for everyone. Everyone is not for you. And that's okay. That is "basic polite," to me. It sounds like you are worried she's...

People can think whatever, including wrong things. My question is this-- why is Ronda telling you all this stuff? For what purpose? There was no need for you to know all that. All that knowing it did was make you upset and kind of anxiety spiral. So right now, the one bringing you drama is...

Why be friends with a cheater if it is messy and makes you feel boxed or closed? Friendships are supposed to feel good, not yucky. Friendship is also not a "consolation prize" to "no dating relationship." Friendships are valuable relationship shapes all on their own. Does this person actually...

I guess you could take it one thing at a time. I don't know the ages here, but I'll tell you what I told my kids. Usually your first serious young adult relationship, in your late teens or 20s, is also your first serious breakup. People are learning how to date. While someone has to be the...

Your wife is giving mixed signals, like she’s still carrying fear from the past, or doesn’t feel totally safe with this idea. Like running hot/cold. I can understand how the up and down makes you want clarity. To me, anything less than, "Hell, yeah! Let's do that" enthusiastic consent is a...

My point is to be decisive and not let it drag on and on. Micina can adjust their time frame to whatever suits their situation. More than 6-12 days, but certainly not spending 6-12 years on it either. The options that I can see are: Micina can go back to being poly with this partner like they...

I already practice most of what the article is encouraging — basically “Stop trying to control other people; start supporting them in empowered, non-coercive ways.” That part I fully agree with. Where I struggle is with the author’s framing, especially the title “Love more, care less.” I know...

It kind of sounds like you've realized you have/want a cuckold/sharing/hotwife kink. You want your wife to date other people and share sex with them, and then come home and tell you all the details. For that to be ethical, all parties involved would have to consent to participating in that...