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Hey, jtrobak, welcome. It was a long time ago (1999), but my ex-husband and I started out in polyamory the exact same way, only with different genders. And I am bisexual (pansexual, actually). But neither of these factors matter. We'd been together/married a long time, mono. He knew I was bi...

Hi and welcome, We ask that all couples coming here "seeking a third" to "add to our relationship" to please read this, for educational purposes and to comply with the intent of the forum. https://polyamory.com/threads/a-note-for-couples-posting-seeking-ads.156754/ Thank you, Your Mod Team

Hi and welcome, We ask that all couples coming here "seeking a third" to "add to our relationship" to please read this, for educational purposes and to comply with the intent of the forum. https://polyamory.com/threads/a-note-for-couples-posting-seeking-ads.156754/ Thank you, Your Mod Team

Feel free to start reading around the board. There are 16 years of posts on polyamory here, covering every topic you could ever have about ethical non-monogamy. If you have specific questions, and want to crowd source some feedback, you can start a thread in the Relationships section.

Hi and welcome! You say you're not "looking for a relationship," yet you've just posted on a board about polyamorous relationships. So it seems you're looking for fun and sex only? No romance? Polyamory means multiple loves. I moved this to Relationships since you seem to be seeking advice...

Oh no, BB! It must have been a mild one. I do wish you a full and speedy recovery.

We kind of went off topic, but I was trying to determine what we were talking about here when it comes to sex, and separating it from love. Yes. From your pov, she is being dismissive of how you want (or need) to express your love. Mismatched libidos must be one of the most common topics here...

People who are into casual sex do skirt on the edges of swinging, I have found. My partner Aries is kind of "swinger-adjacent," as well as being polyamorous. It is possible to have both interests, just as it is possible to be polyamorous and also into some BDSM kinks. Aries's partner Sadie used...

More to say. Sorry for the multiple posts. Good to look at that. I mean, it might be common with swingers? I am not and never have been a swinger. And I sustain sex interest in long-term partners very well. There have been studies on the effect of novelty on sex drive with rodents. An...

Are you saying you wish to remain married, or partnered full time, somehow, to this woman? Preferring sex with others is one thing, but to actually want to split up altogether, is unacceptable? Remember that polyamory does not mean fall in love with another and leave the established partner. It...

😅 It sounds like absence makes the heart grow fonder with that guy. He's not in her life daily, like you are, so having sex with him about every other month is not a chore, but a pleasure. She really seems to need the novelty to have any interest in sex at all. It could hardly be worse. Hmm...

Matcha Man, thanks for your detailed replies; they help a lot! It is interesting what you say, that you are afraid your wife's NRE for future polyamorous partners could reduce her desire for you. It sounds to me like that is already a major problem in your sexual disconnect. Your wife might be...

I hope it goes well, and reduces stress and confusion, and brings you all closer than ever. Hiding feelings never works. They always have a way of coming out, and the longer you wait, the worse the result can be. I know many in our culture are brought up with a lot of shame around sex. But...

Hey, Matcha Matcha Man. Love the name! It's unpredictable what effect NRE can have on a relationship. It's good you're looking ahead, though. If you saw the "poly hell" article, maybe you found it in our Golden Nuggets section. We also have a long list of former consolidated threads there...

I don't think we can know from one post if it's all about "getting off" for both of them. Maybe the OP is focused on his quick and efficient porn orgasm, but his wife wants to enjoy him and herself, and pleasure him, as he pleasures her. Their whole sex life could be kicked up a notch, given the...

Eh, we aren't breaking any rules. I think the topic of porn v actual sex is an important one, even in a situation where polyamory or ENM could be an option.

Galagirl, you bring up valid points. I don't think the OP is coming back, so I don't think any of our speculations will be validated. Of course, I don't agree that a One-Vagina Policy (or OPP) is fair in ENM. But that might've been her first suggestion, as he seems to love porn so much. He...

Yes, I didn't mean to imply above that babies, toddlers, and elementary school-age kids shouldn't be exposed to ENM. As long as the kids are kept safe, they will just accept that Mom has a close friend, or friends. They just won't necessarily be as okay with Mom gone multiple nights a week on...

I'm going to offer a counterpoint. Is this where his wife gets to say, "If you don't want to open, would you be willing to scale back on paying for porn/cam girls and make love to me with a bit more creativity, and let me show my physical love for you?" This is a debatable topic. This may be...

To save me going back and rereading, if you mentioned it before, why is that?