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I would disagree. If a man tells me he loves me as he goes out drinking every night or lies to me or watches TV while I make him dinner and clean up afterward or insults me daily or weekly...yeah, if I FEEL like I'm being used rather than that I'm loved, there might be a reason. If Electrons...

How does 'extreme monogamy' differ from monogamy? Is it the no-porn that makes it 'extreme' in your mind? I do think that you need to meet your husband in discussions about this without viewing him as 'acting out.' This puts him in the position of a recalcitrant child and I don't see anything...

This was very much my experience. XBF told me our relationship would be exactly like any other, short of the fact we couldn't marry. In truth, he could never promise that because he was fully committed to putting his wife first, to protecting and defending her. That's commendable but then she...

If I understand...you want to continue seeing him but also find a primary? But you don't have time to date and meetups cause anxiety? It seems to me you're giving a somewhat impossible situation: tell me how to find a primary when I'm not going to date or go to meetups. Well--I'm not sure there...

This, of course, is the fine wire we dance with poly. Partner A of (presumably) primary couple A and B wants to readjust and recommit and therefore say, Partner C is out for the week. Just us. Well, what did B promise to C? Did B tell C s/he was the extra-marital, the plaything, the one who...

I was the monogamous one, seeing a married poly man. So my input comes from a different angle. I had no fear at all that my poly BF would leave me--none. His wife was likewise confident. The problem came with other things, which you should consider. How are you going to treat your secondary? Is...

The campground sounds fantastic, and lots of great ideas on activities and what to do with the land! Best of luck with the purchase. I would suggest that you respect your son and his GF in their medical decisions. If you have the conversation you're considering with her, she is likely going to...

All to often people think that if they just 'communicate' better the problem will be resolved. This is not about him 'not understanding.' He doesn't want what you want. End of story. There is no resolution to that. You have three choices: Live monogamously with him. Stay with him and go...

This isn't about failure to communicate. You want two different things. She wants you to consent and be happy about it and you are not happy about it. You don't have to be. You two are not a match. She needs to find someone who genuinely loves what she's doing and you need to find someone who...

This seems fairly simple to me. She wants exclusivity. You don't. You're not a match. This doesn't make her a bad person. It makes her someone who wants something other than what you want. Leave her alone to find someone who wants what she wants

I'm sure I won't. I visited a friend last summer with an amazing garden, probably half an acre of raised beds. It's the time and expense of getting started! What all are you growing?

I like those raised beds--just finished watching the video. We've started the garden inside and I'm hoping to have it planted outside by the end of the weekend. I've talked with the kids about doing raised beds this year.

So your husband gets a girlfriend and anything he wants and you should be happy for his happiness. You are told to remain monogamous and there's no expectation that he should be happy if you happily find someone else and are happy? No, sorry, this isn't poly. This is a guy having his cake and...

I went into poly being told all relationships can be equal if we want them to be, being told my relationship WAS equal to that of Byron's wife. I am happy for those who can promise this and achieve it. This is the true meaning of poly, right? My concern is that so few can really follow...

Ooooof course it's 'silly' of me to 'keep asking.' (KEEP asking??? I brought it up exactly ONCE. But...whatever.) We're all here to work together to learn how to do poly better, right? My point remains, if one has two husbands, then one has two husbands. A husband is a husband, right? If one...

If PunkRock was your husband, why wasn't the house also his? I had been under the impression all along that the three of you jointly owned it as a family unit. I was very surprised to find he put so much into it, financial and sweat equity, yet was only a renter. I wonder if that ever led to him...

With all Punk Rock put into that house I'm surprised to find he's a renter and not a co-owner. I admit, I wonder how that might have left him feeling he wasn't really a husband if one husband was an owner and the other a renter. Does he get any equity for all he contributed both financially and...

You are being hidden. Your feelings are valid. It is completely valid to be hurt by this. It is completely valid to conclude from this that you are being treated like a second-class relationship--someone she wants in her life, wants whatever she's getting from you feelings or sex-wise, but...

What DOES she want you to do?

It sounds to me like a very couple-centric situation and I suspect he is fishing for a threesome. Reading your posts reminds me very much of my own situation. I was promised that my BF and his wife did poly GREAT. He insisted the problems I read about here on the forum were all schleps who...