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    Could use some advice

    The fact that you don't need to have contact with metamours to feel safe in the relationship doesn't mean that your partner should be the same. Personally, I need to have at least some direct contact with my meta to be able to view her for who she is - a really nice and loving person, actually -...
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    Could use some advice

    I think it would be good to distinguish between "they feel like they want to" and "they want to": - feel like they want to = this idea comes to their mind, unbeckoned, as part of the jealousy mix that was stirred up, and they're telling you about it in a subconscious attempt to show you the...
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    Forbidden knowledge

    I do believe that if you open the subject with her, you both might get some relief. Assuming your wife has not been unfaithful until fairly recently (when your relationship has been through some serious trouble), I'd suggest you assume that her secret affair - no matter whether just emotional...
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    Advice for MF couple wanting to add a gf

    A bit of context: I use the word polyamory for long-term relationships involving serious commitment. I am myself in a V-shaped polycule (FMF: Fasaani has two partners, but neither Hiiri nor I have any other partner than him). It's almost the case that he is a full-time partner to me, and is...
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    When "Ethical" Non-Monogamy Becomes Anything But

    No, lying isn't ethical. Breaking promises and agreements isn't ethical. Disregarding other person's feelings - I believe unethical (but I know many people who sincerely believe it's neutral). On the other hand, a promise that someone will not fall in love? Doomed to be broken. Feelings are, at...
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    Learning about poly banking

    We're a V living in two households. Fasaani (the hinge) splits his time between them, and his income goes to the household where he earns it - he's paid by the hour. This way, if I ask him to spend a day doing chores, Hiiri's household income isn't affected See the next paragraph for the...
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    When the jealousy is too much

    My relationship status: I self-identify as mono or poly with current poly-saturation = 1. In the past, I've been in monogamous relationships. In the relationship with my ex-husband, I fell in love but the other party was not interested in a relationship with me - if they were, my husband would...
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    When the jealousy is too much

    Hi @Rachelina, I hope you and your husband have found ways to make you feel better even though it's not April yet! I'd like to offer a quote that I've had on my daily planner for quite some time until I've absorbed it into my blood. Unluckily, I did not note where the quote came from. The quote...
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    Mono/poly needing advice

    Maybe he was trying to open the discussion but you did not seem to be welcoming it? In my opinion, it's somewhat naive to "allow" someone to have flirts and casual encounters but require them not to develop emotions. As most monogamous folk experience at some point in their lives, people in...
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    Time Management

    In our shared Google calendar, we usually mark a 2-2-3-2-2-3 schedule about 6-10 weeks in advance. On Sundays, we discuss the upcoming week and swap some days if it suits someone better; (child's and adults') illnesses, weather disrupting weekend plans etc. also lead to plan changes. The Friday...
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