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My partner and I have been planning for a long time. I've always imagined it would be a simple and elegant wedding, like any other. Probably no minister, though. But how could you possibly do it wrong? ??

OP stated that Becca has appeared to only put up with poly for Erin ' s sake and is not poly herself. I've seen poly relationships break up over less than a second partner moving closer (and clearly not going away anytime soon).

This sounds like the sort of relationship where Becca will eventually be filtered out of the relationship, not because she's forced to, but because she and Erin just don't seem to be happy together. Please don't feel you have to involve yourself in that mess, it really is nothing to do with you...

I've experienced this. It doesn't matter to me if my partner is affectionate with a metamour, but if they can't handle the same for me, well, okay. But it would mean they get less time with him. You're already seeing the consequences of not being able to see your partner affectionate...

Yeah, I'm sensing a lot of ego here. The most likely scenario, statistically speaking, is that the primary comes home, and the new girl gets pushed aside. Possibly even vetoed. I'm wondering if the OP is trying to protect her own feelings by coming up with scenarios in which the guy prefers...

Well, sex does have something to do with it, as sex has to do with relationships. I know that wasn't what you meant, but newbies can sometimes misread that statement to mean if there's sex involved that it CAN'T be poly. That can really confuse people.

This is just about sex and is technically cuckold ing and not poly. Are you worried about it becoming poly and changing dynamics?

Don't dismiss gut feelings. This may well be a relationship to stay away from. Or, be prepared for a messy breakup/divorce.

Everything opalescent said, AND.... One more thing. You and he have been cheating, not physically, but I'm guessing a further sexual/intimate relationship than you'd want to admit to his OSO. Whatever. Shit happens. But...are you going to pretend this never happened? Admit to it? What if...

It's hard to be poly when you can't be away from each other. It's very pressuring for this woman to be expected to love both of you, the same, right away...and she may fall for one of you and not the other? Being attached to the hip isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can be problematic in...

I dislike the Primary/Secondary model in which roles are assigned. It usually ends up treating the secondaries very badly.

A few things I'm not particularly a fan of the way New Boyfriend said you HAD to demote First Boyfriend to secondary. Or how it looks like he just can't stand to be single and is looking to latch on to Wife #2. That being, said, First Boyfriend is offering you very, very little. It's okay to...

I personally would not date someone who would not acknowledge me to their family and friends. I don't mind waiting, but I do need to know that it will happen at some point.

Moving on from a toxic metamour is tough. Mine insists on staying in both our lives, though, so I may yet have the conversation I desire :)

The only thing his heart has room for in it is blood :) Love isn't some tangible substance you use to fill up a container. It's a feeling. Generally, a person's ability to connect to another is shown through their connections to those they already have in their life. Does he have a strong...

I use quotations deliberately, because I don't personally feel I should parent someone else's child. However, it's inevitable, especially if they're young, to act as some kind of caregiver (I did it myself for my younger siblings). How do you balance that? Do you have personal experience with...

Wait. You're fine being the girlfriend of a woman you've never met?

I think it's pretty obvious he doesn't want a relationship with you, and is extracting the last he can from whatever he's getting from you without putting in an ounce of effort.

Ah, in that case, it's a misquote or a paraphrase. I have that whole bit on a poster. It's similar, but not exact.

I've seen that attributed...but did he actually say it? Or are people simply paraphrasing that bit from Alice & Wonderland.