Gift giving?

L

lara

New member
My husband and I have been together for 11 awesome years. You never see one of us without the other. Every one laughs at us and calls us soulmates. I think we just might be.
Since we do everything together, the addition of a poly was step we both went in together with. Before we even started we talked about our boundaries. What did we want? What were we comfortable with and not comfortable with. Our love was only magnified by the occasional addition of our friend.
We've been together for about four or five months. Usually she comes over and we all have a few then do our 'thang' and then we go to sleep.
We wanted her to know that we care about her, not just as a sexual object but as a friend as well. We have set up a time this weekend and told her nothing except to expect to be picked up and to clear the whole day and night. We are taking her to a theme night we created. Jamaica! We are driving her an hour away from her town, taking her to a whirlpool and Fireplace king suite at a fancy hotel. There we will partake in Jamaican themed drinks and then out to eat at an authentic Jamaican restaurant. We also ordered her a bouquet of Caribbean style flowers. Orchids and some silly named flowers I can't remember.
I also found and cleaned a VERY nice sapphire gold/silver bracelet I used to wear. I thought of giving it to her that night as well, but not sure.
Short story long....here is my question. Is that an appropriate night out? Are we being to pushy? We want some nice romance but not over the top...Is that too much too soon? Is that too much for gifts or simply a really nice gesture to a great friend/lover?
 
It's hard to be poly when you can't be away from each other. It's very pressuring for this woman to be expected to love both of you, the same, right away...and she may fall for one of you and not the other?

Being attached to the hip isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can be problematic in poly relationships.
 
I guess I just meant my husband and I are attached always, but she lives a long ways away and we only see each other once a month or less. we aren't ALL attached. But I see what you mean though. Thanks for the awesome feedback, we are quite new to the life.
 
Hi lara,

It can be hard to find the kind of MFF grouping that you have with this additional woman. But since you already have that grouping with her, and the three of you seem to be happy with that, I have no inclination to caution you against it. I say carry on, enjoy, and God bless.

Re (from OP):
"Is that an appropriate night out? Are we being too pushy? We want some nice romance but not over the top ... Is that too much too soon? Is that too much for gifts or simply a really nice gesture to a great friend/lover?"
Click to expand...

Do *you* feel it's too much? That's the important question.

You said you've been together for about four or five months. That's a pretty good amount of time, although when you add that you only see her once a month or less, that makes me think you've only seen her about four times tops. Is my math correct?

But it's not exclusively just about how long you've been together or how many times you've hooked up with her. It's also about how smitten you are by her and how well the three of you get along together. And it's about whether this "Jamaican trip" is fun for all three of you. If it is, then I don't see the harm in doing it.

Since it's now Saturday afternoon I assume you're already on the road, so just report back and let us know how it goes, okay? I'm hoping you'll have a wonderful time.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
I never know what it "right" by conventional standards. I bought a nice piece of jewelry for our girlfriend for Valentine's (about 6 months into our relationship). We discussed the purchase with her - she turned down a "bigger" piece even though she liked it, she thought it was "too much".

My though is, a gift should be freely given and freely received and never be an obligation. If you would want it back if things went south (or someone would feel obligated to return it if things didn't work out) then it comes with "conditions" and should be saved for later.
 
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