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Thank you everyone. It's kind of a surreal feeling... but in a god way. Maybe I just finally hit my stride. I still have a long way to go, but it finally feels like there's hope for me yet.

After over a year of heartache & turmoil, as well as a general lack of understanding of the poly lifestyle. I have to say that I kind of get it now. I know that I've been very critical of polyamory, and as much as I tried not to show disrespect for all of the poly folk on this site, I can see...

I'm with Ravenscroft... Get to work on the depression. Without knowing whether either of you suffer from clinical, or situational depression, a therapist could help get things back on track. Meds may or may not be needed, but that the very least, some healthy perspectives can do wonders to help...

I agree with the others. Poly will not "fix" this. Granted, as a mono, I'm not into poly in the first place, but I digress.... I would suggest asking her how, specifically, she feels that it will fix it. It's possible that her answer might help get to the bottom of what her goals are. But also...

Take this for what it's worth, but coming from a mono with self esteem issues as well, the words going into one's ears don't always sound the same as they do to the one whose mouth they come from. When you say things like "This will make me happy. I can be a better partner", etc... Please...

As some of the others have mentioned... I find it extremely bizarre that they're talking about having children already. Whether they've slept together or not yet, it seems waaaay too premature for any relationship to venture down that path. Second, regardless of what your husband says, being...

Take it from someone who has never brought up the conversation to his wife... If she's not bringing it up, then she really isn't all that interested. Could be for different reasons (guessing by the cheating), but maybe it's the relationship aspect that makes her nervous. It's possible that she...

Honestly, I think that, in most cases, the anxiety regarding opening up has far less to do with the sex, as it does with the emotional elements to the relationship(s). I think that most people tend to look at marriages & long term committed relationships in the big picture. We seek to provide...

In reference to the "curfew", a point that I'd like to make is that, some people (myself included) are the type to worry & wait up. It doesn't exclusively mean that he might think you're up to no good (although, it may very well be the case), but he may also be genuinely worried about your...

I'm with Dusty. The inadequacy issue probably needs a fair amount of work before bringing this up. Otherwise, it will very likely exacerbate those feelings. In the meantime, you you might consider sneaking in the topic in other contexts, not related to you, or he specifically, in order to gauge...

I don't know... Now, admittedly, I'm more to the extreme side (as many of you already know), but I personally don't believe in the concept of "casual love"... While I do think that love can be one sided, and I applaud anyone who is willing to admit it to someone without pressure of...

It's amazing how religion does tend to play a part in our development. While there are other factors, I too, was brought up in a strict religious household. Although, it came more from my Mom than my Dad, but so much of what you describe eerily similar. I wouldn't be so quick to assume that it...

Just curious, why do you feel that him pursuing kinks outside of your relationship is "necessary" in order for him to be happy? Has he told you that? Does he appear unhappy now? Bravo for starting counselling. I was never really much for therapy before, but I'm glad I did. Not in the poly/mono...

I appreciate the kind words, and encouragement for us monos. Please understand, that I don't claim to speak for anyone but myself. I don't know what makes other monos tick, and I recognize that everyone has their own experiences that can shape who we become as adults. I'm not sure if I've ever...

Thank you for saying that, and I couldn't agree more. Agreeing or disagreeing aside, we all have situations that could be best served with just a little outside perspective... Or... Sometimes A LOT of outside perspective.

Alright... I feel that I need to put my two cents in here. I came to this site for a completely different circumstance, however, all in all, I think it's pretty clear that most of us have the same motivations for being here. Take away all of the countless relationship models, and what do most...

Thank you. I read the list, and it all makes a ton of sense. It's difficult to find the related consequences for some of these actions, unless I just take it upon myself to leave the room, go for a drive, etc...

It's definitely hard. No doubt about that. Before my dad got sick, I had a pretty good handle on my depression for years. But having two events taking place back to back (Dad's passing & the poly bomb) brought it back in a way could never have imagined. Last year was the absolute worst I had...

I see. Sorry. I guess I got thrown off by the question mark. But you're right. While the poly conversation opened the door, it appears that we're still in mostly the same situation even if that weren't the case. I just wonder if I'd been able to handle it better not knowing about the poly, which...

That's not a bad idea. Although, I need to present it in a way that doesn't feel like a game. Of course, she's already on strike two the way I see it. So maybe, it's not a bad idea to just cut things off after the next mention. Thanks for the tip.