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Headache receded, thankfully. However, now my laptop is having issues connecting to the internet. I did manage to get a couple online applications sent in today. Everything else is still a mess.

I finished my resume today with some help from my sister. I've been fighting a migraine for two days. I'm going to go back to bed within the hour. Tomorrow I will start putting in applications.

Only you can decide. I will say-from personal experience; Dragging out incompatibility results in a MUCH MORE DEVASTTING MESS later. The more integrated your lives get; the more damage caused when ending it. Incompatibility is a thing that needs addressed and resolved asap.

That was my baby brother who said it. Funny irony-- he pretty much said it again on my FB today, even though I didn't post there what I wrote here. Guess there was some channeling of thoughts in the universe today. I am trying very hard to keep in mind that I just am who I am. It IS difficult...

Thanks, IP. Today isn't going so well. I got SourPea off to school, but broke down while driving my sister to work and haven't pulled it back together in the hour since. Just sitting in my car sobbing.

I am just reeling. The pain, the shock, the ephmereal quality of everything is overwhelming. A friend wrote in an email how easy it is to jump to 'What the fuck is wrong with me?" thoughts at a time like this (followed by a reminder that it's not necessarily a sign of me being totally fucked...

Made it through today. Got my sister and her stuff here so I can facilitate her going to school and work. Got SourPea's school supplies so she can start tomorrow. I'm going to bed now. Tomorrow I'll take SourPea to school, drop my sister at school, then I will go to the range and use up some...

Thanks, everyone. I am taking each step one at a time. SourPea starts school tomorrow. I set reminders in my phone for doing text check-ins twice a day with three people who asked me to do that. My FB is off for now, to avoid too much (more) input, but I will keep logging in here and checking...

Solo Poly And so, the immediate weeks are going to be stressful, emotional, traumatizing. But I suppose the story changes, at this point, from a poly family to solo poly. Of course, I still have the kids, and that makes us a family. But the poly dynamic is going to be a solo-poly dynamic. I'm...

I just cant answer the questions. I don't know. I appreciate the outpouring of love. I am annoyed that I can't sleep tonight. of all nights. I really need some sleep. I'm at the bottom. I'm too worn out for anything but the bottom line, which is: Maca can't handle open relationships because he...

I can't answer everything. I can't do any of it tonight. But I am reading, Kevin. I will log in tomorrow. Thank you, guys.

No. I can't do it anymore. I've done everything I can to understand, believe and compromise and I can't do it anymore. I can't be so impossible to accept just because I don't want a white picket fence and monogamy. I can't do it anymore. I can't even stop crying long enough to keep the kids...

I told Maca my limit-- that I'm never going to be mono again (with examples of what I mean). He says that there's nothing left to say. I reply, no sarcasm trying to be reasonable, "Then we need to figure out who's moving out and how to split responsibilities/property kids. etc." And he pops off...

Yes, he is. Yes, that is exactly what happened before. And no, I can't do a thing with any of it. He has a right to decide what he will/won't deal with in himself. He has a right to decide what he wants/doesn't want in a relationship. He's blaming it on me, telling me he will never be ok with...

I was already heartbroken and struggling. I just watched everything I THOUGHT was stable fall to pieces AGAIN. I don't have words for where I am now. There's no way to describe it. Emotional flooding doesn't even touch it. Everything I have been working towards with moving, school, marriage...

IP, I told him today that the only thing for us to discuss is: "Are we compatible?" because the things he's said this week suggest strongly that we aren't. I told him I'm never going to be willing to be mono with anyone. His last message to me was that he's never going to be ok with a partner...

I think he just can't accept poly. That's my opinion. He has to be the winner in everything. He did tell Panther, when he confronted him, that he could consider a threesome, if HE planned it and HE controlled it and Panther basically followed his lead. Bottom line, I am not willing to play that...

We talked today. It didn't accomplish more than just saying what was going on. But basically what he said is that he's never been OK with being poly. He was tolerating it. He is so turned off by the IDEA of me being with another man, he's having issues getting hard and staying hard when he's...

I don't know. I can't understand him. I can't even answer well tonight. We HAD worked things out well and had a great weekend in Kodiak. He came home and he's on a bent. I just don't know.

I highly doubt he's questioning the testing facility. He's prone to not using protection at all, and in the past thought it absolutely asinine that I was insistent that other partners be tested at all. The women he's considered didn't think they should have to be tested because he should take...