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You already answered yourself in many ways—you’re thoughtful, emotionally honest, and it’s clear you're in anticipatory grief. You know this has to end, it's more about WHEN and WHO does it. I’ve worn those shoes, too. It's a very specific kind of heartbreak. It would be easy if you were...

I'm sorry this happened. I hope venting helped some. To sum up-- He lied to you about still dating Lady/sharing sex with her when he didn't even have to. Both of you are poly. He cheated on the agreements/expectations he helped to set about honest and transparency. You were clear about what is...

That's her doing HER stages of grief thing, just like you are doing yours. Maybe it helps to read that. https://www.csn.edu/sites/default/files/documents/caps-counseling-and-psychological-services/stages_of_grief_after_a_breakup_0.pdf But it isn't a reason to stay together as a dating couple...

That's where you get to say, "Okay, let's break up," because you no longer want the same things, and she doesn't even know the difference between open and polyamory. You don't need to sign up for things you don't really want, much less with a near newbie who is clueless. You are not obligated...

So is this a case of he's hurting her, and she tells you stuff so you will pity her and stick around? Emotional manipulation of you for her benefit? Because if you are around you take some of the abuses off of her? And not like she's the only one here being abused? Again, whether there is 1...

I am confused. Okay, but was it an open marriage, or an online cheating affair? It kinda of sounds like he makes her put herself out there as the bait to bring him back goodies. Or she's even into it. Whether its 1 user or 2 users here, the impact is the same on YOU -- it stinks! Get out...

I'm sorry you are being hurt this way. This is sexual abuse and emotional abuse. It is not a healthy relationship. You don't have to say where you are, but in case you need a hotline. They may be able to point you to other local resources...

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. If you feel lonely, what do you do about that when she's home? It's not like she's your only companion, right? What about your friends? Family? Could you visit them? Go out and volunteer, meet people, do activities? Do you have pets? What are you...

I don't know if this POV helps you any. If it were me, just because the meta is feeling all NRE-effusive and gushing to my wife, I'm not going to get cranked up about it. Besotted people say flowery things in NRE. I'd be more annoyed with the oversharing. I would ask my wife not to overshare...

Even when you list specific behaviors that you would like him him to start/stop doing, so it becomes, "Yes, he does take the trash out" or, "No, he did not take the trash out"? He cannot see that he's not meeting your need for a roomie who helps around the house? (This is just an example that...

I don't know if this helps you any. Polyamorous people can feel all their feelings -- including jealousy. I don't know why you think poly people don't feel that emotion. That's because when you are fantasizing, you are the "author" or "movie director." Things just play out in your imagination...

I'm sorry you are unhappy and struggling with inner conflict. :( I don't really have anything new since your last post. The feelings are hard. But I think the actions are straightforward. You would like them to change behaviors so you can stay. But you have already asked for changes many...

No, not a therapist. Just older and seen a lot of things. I'm sorry you are dealing in DARVO stuff with them "flipping it around" on you. It's not great behavior. You don't have to share your personal finances online in detail. But why would you still be carrying expenses in a household...

I'm going to guess in case it helps you any. I might guess wrong. So, they are only "supportive" in words to feel good about themselves or look good? But when the reality of you dating separately might happen, they fuss, so you give up on the idea? Is this like coercive control? Is this...

Could mention all those in the counselor notebook too -- inherited "down talk," the ADD, and leaving the very conservative Christian sect. Maybe in a "background" section with "present day" stuff in another section? GG

But even in monogamy people break up. It CAN happen, even after decades of marriage. People grow apart, change, want different things. There doesn't have to be another person around for them to decide that they don't want to be together anymore. They can just decide it. So "cognitively I know...

Thanks for the list! Kathy Labriola has other titles besides The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships There's also Love In Abundance: A Counselor's Advice on Open Relationships The Polyamory Breakup Book: Causes, Prevention, and Survival Polyamorous...

Thanks for more info. In case it helps any... Then why are you in one now and going against your core being? You don't have to answer here. but maybe reflect on that, or talk to a counselor about it. Who wanted you to be the "gatekeeper" for how the (Partner + Meta) relationship progresses...

I'm sorry this is happening like this. I don't know if any of this will help you, but I offer it for you to reflect. You don't have to answer any of it or do any of it, just maybe think on it, okay? First things first: This is serious. :( What therapy are you seeking? For non-monogamy? Or...

Most welcome. I hope you talk to a counselor. I think you have a lot of things to unpack, including maybe wife taking advantage of you/taking you for granted? I'm not sure why you are this passive sounding. Could you be struggling with depression/situational depression? If so, you might think...